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Snish
SS novice field agent

873 Posts

Posted - 10/15/2009 :  15:55:57  Show Profile
GARRISON PRODUCTIONS
CBS-TV

THE WILD WILD WEST

"The Night of the Flying Pie Plate"

by

Dan Ullman

REVISED FINAL DRAFT
#0302
August 23, 1966

#0302 Rev. 8/23/66

THE WILD WILD WEST

THE NIGHT OF THE FLYING PIE PLATE

EXECUTIVE PRODUCER
MICHAEL GARRISON

PRODUCER
BRUCE LANSBURY


ASSOCIATE PRODUCER
LEONARD KATZMAN

STORY CONSULTANT
HENRY SHARP

WRITTEN BY
DAN ULLMAN

SETS:

EXT. MAIN STREET
EXT. DESERT - VARIOUS AREAS
EXT. FLYING PIE PLATE LOCATION
INT. GLORY HOLE SALOON
INT. VICTOR'S OFFICE
INT. WEST'S HOTEL ROOM
EXT. CAMPSITE
INT. FLYING PIE PLATE
EXT. GLORY HOLE SALOON
EXT. ALLEYWAY
EXT. ROCKS
INT. WEST'S RAILROAD CAR
EXT. ASSAY OFFICE
INT. HOTEL LOBBY

CAST:
JAMES WEST - ROBERT CONRAD
ARTEMUS GORDON - ROSS MARTIN
BEN VICTOR
MORN
ALNA
PAN
WINGO
CALICO
JERRY
BYRON PETTIGREW
SIMON
BARTENDER
MINER #1
MINER #2
MINER #3
CORPORAL
TROOPER

Night of the Flying Pie Plate #0302

T-1
Rev. 8/19/66

TEASER

FADE IN:

1. EXT. MAIN STREET - MORNING GLORY - NIGHT 1.

We're looking at a portrait of a Saturday night in a
western town--but a rip-roaring Saturday night, relaxing
after a hard day's occupation; and from the appearance
of the BOISTEROUS MEN who come barging in and out of the
"Glory Hole", the town's drinking emporium, we should get
the idea that the hard day's occupation of this town is
mining. (NOTE: this impression will be reinforced when,
later on, we get to see an Assay Office, and various
stores in which the working gear of miners are freely
displayed;

...but right now we are mostly aware of the melange of
Saturday Night NOISES coming from the gaudily-lighted
precincts of the Glory Hole; TINKLING PIANO, RAUCOUS
CONVERSATION, LAUGHTER, etc....

...and into and adding to all this, a GROUP of RIDERS
escorting a wagon come cantering and rolling into view,
pull up at a hitching post nearby: one rider dismounts...

...as CAMERA MOVES IN to show us that the rider is WEST.
The other FOUR MEN are U.S. CAVALRYMEN, two of them
mounted on horses, the other two riding on the wagon--
and when we will have a chance to examine the wagon
more closely, we will see that it is low, decked over,
and heavily and obviously armored; that, plus the outsized
wheels should give us the idea that it is built to
accomodate an immensely heavy, and immensely valuable
cargo.

2. ANOTHER ANGLE 2.X

West, in the middle of the road, surveys the area,
obviously looking for something specific, then, as he
walks purposefully out of view, we realize that he has
found it. HOLD for a beat on the remaining Cavalrymen,
and it is noteworthy that they not only remain mounted,
but that they continue to hold their rifles at the ready;
no relaxation here...

...then CAMERA ANGLES to show West approaching a small shop
that bears the legend ASSAY OFFICE, Ben Victor, Prop.
The heavily barred window displays only a gold scale and
a careless profusion of various ores. As West moves to
enter the shop's door, it opens and a BOOKEEPERISH LITTLE
MAN emerges, locking the door behind him. (The little
man is BYRON PETTIGREW.)

CONTINUED

Night of the Flying Pie Plate #0302 T-1A
Rev. 8/19/66

2. CONTINUED 2.

PETTIGREW
Closed for the night, Mister;
hang on to your gold dust till
morning.

WEST
This gold dust gets deposited
tonight; where do I find Ben
Victor?

PETTIGREW
(pointing)
He's likely over at the Glory Hole,
but he makes it a rule never to...

He stops talking and shrugs--West has turned on his heels
and is striding across the street toward the brassy-
looking saloon.


Night of the Flying Pie Plate #0302

T-2
Rev. 8/19/66

2A. INT. GLORY HOLE - NIGHT 2A.

We are really looking over some first rate merrymaking
here; the kind of wild-eyed carousing that is so
delightfully typical of the Klondike--the big gold
strike--with the consequent "it's-only-money,-and-
there's-lots-more-where-this-came-from" attitudes of the
lurching, brawling MINERS at every hand. (As many
miners and "Glory girls" as the censor and Lennie will
let us have.)

3. ANOTHER ANGLE - AT DOOR 3.

A MINER lurches out through the swinging doors--West
neatly sidesteps him and enters. We see him ask something
of a scantily clad GLORY GIRL (we're too far away to HEAR)
and she, in turn, points off in another direction. West
obviously thanks her and moves out of view. HOLD on the
Glory girl looking after West approvingly...

4. ANOTHER ANGLE 4.

A restless-eyed, impeccably dressed man with a built-in
sardonic expression is seen sitting alone at a table,
nursing a drink and playing solitaire. (He is BEN
VICTOR.) West comes up to him and waits until Victor’s
eyes lift to him.

WEST
Ben Victor?

Victor's eyes measure West thoughtfully before he nods,
then back to his cards.

VICTOR
You're James West, of course.

WEST
I didn't think it showed.

VICTOR
Oh, it does; the incorruptible eyes--
that plus the federal jut of the jaw.
(gesturing at chair)
No extra charge for sitting down.

West inclines his head gravely and sits.

CONTINUED

Night of the Flying Pie Plate #0302 T-2A
Rev. 8/19/66

4. CONTINUED 4.

WEST
You got my telegram, I take it?

VICTOR
(nods, glances at
his watch)
You timed your arrival to the minute.
(to West)
Are all Federal Agents so prompt?

WEST
They are when they're sheep-
dogging merchandise of some
value.

VICTOR
I like the genteel way your put
that, Mr. West.
(a beat)
Your telegram mentioned that you'd
be needing vault space for the
temporary storage of your--
merchandise; might I ask how much
merchandise?

WEST
Twenty five hundred pounds of gold
dust.

VICTOR
(a beat--swallowing)
Over a million dollars worth...

WEST
(nodding, then,
politely)
I'm not keeping you from finishing
your drink, am I?

VICTOR
(smiles mirthlessly)
I think you made your point.

He tosses off his drink, then he and West both stand up,
just as:


Night of the Flying Pie Plate #0302

T-3
Rev. 8/23/66

4. CONTINUED 4.

SIMON'S VOICE
Back! Draw back from the yawning
pit of eternal fire while there
is still a measure of time!

CAMERA ANGLES during the above to show that the swinging
doors have been flung aside by the powerful, bearded figure
of a man (SIMON) who stands in the doorway, eyes flashing,
one hand clutching a black, leather bound book as he raises
his arms high in gesture that is, at the same time, both
supplicating and threatening...

...and at once a CHORUS of BOOS and GROANS breaks out
from the patrons, which should make us realize that this
is an old, old (and highly unwelcome) story.

5. BACK TO WEST AND VICTOR 5.

as West turns back to Victor and raises an enquiring
eyebrow.

CONTINUED

Night of the Flying Pie Plate #0302 T-4
Rev. 8/23/66
5. CONTINUED 5.

VICTOR
(wryly)

Glory's own, self-appointed guardian
of its salvation, Hell-fire Simon.

WEST
Is he really a preacher?

VICTOR
No, but a little detail like that
isn't about to stop our Simon....

6. ANOTHER ANGLE - AT CARD TABLES 6.

The players shift uncomfortably in their chairs as Simon
strides up to them and raises his arms as if to direct
lightning bolts down on them from above:

SIMON
Go to! Huddle over the tables of
abomination, clutching the devil's
pasteboards! Lemmings! Blind,
heedless lemmings, all of you,
tumbling after each other in your
headlong plunge to destruction!

He wheels and goes to bar, directing more invisible
fire from above as he goes--and burly miners shrink
away from him on either side.

SIMON (CONT'D)
Swillers! Gulpers-down of the foul
water of the River Styx!

BARTENDER
(wearily)
Oh, come on now, Hell-fire...

Simon shakes two knotted fists over the long-suffering
bartender as he thunders:

SIMON
You! How many mortgaged souls
have you foreclosed today, spawn
of Belial!?

And suddenly he is sweeping the bar clean of glasses and
bottles, right and left, in an orgy of glass-smashing
destruction--a momentary time-lag, then a couple of miners
leap at Simon and pin his arms behind his back...

...while the outraged BARTENDER hustles out from behind the
bar and slams his fist into Simon's middle...


Night of the Flying Pie Plate #0302 T-5
Rev. 8/19/66

7. BACK TO WEST AND VICTOR 7.

West is suddenly moving, as if animated by a giant spring
--he strides up to the bartender just as he is about
to throw another punch at the face of Simon, still
pinioned by the miners...

....West whirls him around by his shoulder and sends hom
crumpling against the bar with a clean right to the jaw.

8. ANOTHER ANGLE 8.

As the two miners release their hold of Simon, (who
slumps against a table) and leap at West, arms
flailing;

...West stops one with a looping left that doubles
him up--bending low as he does so, to avoid the
roundhouse swing of the other miner, whose swing
carries him right onto West's back...

...and the built-in spring in West goes into operation
again as he straightens up violently, hurling the
sprawling miner into the air and crashing into a corner.

9. ANOTHER ANGLE 9.

And now West finds himself backing up beside Simon
as a circle of murderous-looking miners get to their
feet and converge on him, one or two with clasp knives
whose gleaming blades are unleashed for the occasion,
during which the bartender straightens up, his face
still twisted with anger as he says:

BARTENDER
You asked for this, Mister. Look
what that fire-eatin’ son of a
circuit rider done to my bar!

Without once taking his eyes from the converging,
menacing circle, West reaches into his pocket...

...and comes up with a gold coin that he flips in
the direction of the bartender.

WEST
Here, buy yourself a temperance
pledge.

And now, just as he is bracing himself for the deadly
rush of fists and gleaming knife blades, we HEAR the
KEENING, ULULATING SOUND, FAINTLY at first, then RISING
IN INTENSITY until the atmosphere vibrates with its
CLAMOR...

...and suddenly West finds that the deadly circle
has broken as there is a stampede for the doors...

Night of the Flying Pie Plate T-6
Rev. 8/15/66

10. EXT. OUTSIDE GLORY HOLE - NIGHT 10.

...and the miners come pouring out into the strident night,
followed by West. They look around, then one miner raises
his head to the sky and we see his eyes widening as he stares
aloft, his face lighted by a weird glow:

MINER
Great balls o' fire! There she is..!

All eyes turn heavenward, as CAMERA ANGLES to show a dull-
red oval drifting across the sky, a collar of green and
yellow lights flashing on and off, and unmistakeably, almost
unbearably loud now, the KEENING NOISE is coming from the
celestial disk...

...then it has passed overhead nosing down as it goes,
until its passage is hidden by the low-lying hills...

...and suddenly, the keening NOISE is replaced by a
TREMENDOUS CRASH, then a phosphorescent pillar of smoke
writhes its way into the sky, bringing an unearthly daylight
quality to the night...

...and the stunned, fascinated hush of the group is
shattered as we HEAR:

SIMON'S VOICE
And Fiery chariots, bearing hosts of
death and retribution will seek out
the thrice-warned, eternally damned...!

During the above, CAMERA WILL ANGLE to show Simon, who has
emerged, his face lighted up by the unearthly glow and the
fierce triumph that transfigures him--then CAMERA MOVES ON
and HOLDS on West and his grimly bewildered expression, as
we

FADE OUT:

END TEASER


Night of the Flying Pie Plate #0302 I-7
Rev. 8/19/66

ACT ONE

FADE IN:

11. EXT. RISING GROUND - NIGHT 11.

We see the miners toiling up the slope, from which we
hear a low, HUMMING SOUND, some with lanterns, some without,
but all scrambling and clawing their way upward in their
eagerness to see what lies beyond...

12. ANOTHER ANGLE 12.

West and Victor are in another group making their way up
the rise--and from the POV we can see several miners who
have reached the brow, peered over, and we see them recoil
at what they see
...

...more miners reach the brow, peer over, and they, like
the others react with fear and incredulity...

13. ANOTHER ANGLE - ON WEST AND VICTOR 13.

SHOOTING DOWN on them as they make their way up the rise,
elbowing their way through the group of miners staring
down fascinatedly, West and Victor top the rise, stare
and we see their faces twisted with the incredulity we see
on all the others; then CAMERA PULLS BACK--AND UP, over
the MUCH LOUDER HUMMING SOUND...

...until finally we see it, resting in a crater-like
depression (see fig. 37) from which wisps of vapor or
smoke rise, a gleaming dull-red, metallic disk, maybe ten
feet in diameter, six feet high, a circular mass of metal
ribbed and embossed with an intricate pattern...

...and surmounting it, a small tower that revolves slowly,
sending beams of reflected radiance darting across the
faces of the awed onlookers. (Actually a fancied-up police
car revolving warning light.)

14. CLOSE ON WEST AND VICT OR 14.

OVER A BABBLE of Miner's awed comments, like:
MINER'S VOICES
(simultaneous)
Whatever it is, it's glowin' like
it's red hot!--Must'a hit plenty hard
the way it plowed into the ground--
what d'yfigger that little dingus
is that keeps goin' around?--Can't
be no meteorite, not with all them (X)
fancy markin's...! etc.

CONTINUED

Night of the Flying Pie Plate #0302 I-8
Rev. 8/23/66

14. CONTINUED 14.

We see that Victor is still as sardonic as ever as he
turns to West but his quickened breathing betrays the
fact that he is not as calm as he appears.

VICTOR
Well, Mr. West?
(pointing to disk)
Got any answers?

WEST
No--but I have a few questions...

During this he has started to make a few tentative steps
closer to the disk, then he stops as the HUMMING SOUND
INCREASES IN INTENSITY, and a FLAT, METALLICALLY AMPLIFIED
VOICE is HEARD.

METALLIC VOICE
Halt--do--not--advance--any--further.

And West halts. Victor registers visible disappointment
at this.

VICTOR
Fear, Mr. West?

WEST
Let's call it--discretion.

SIMON'S VOICE
(exulting)
Behold--a sign! A sign of the terrible
wrath to come!

CAMERA ANGLES to show Simon appearing on the crest of the
hill, his disarrayed, long hair and his streaming beard
giving the appearance of an Old Testament Prophet
(or John Brown). During the following, he advances
toward the disk, deaf to the ominous SOUND OF HUMMING
RISING IN INTENSITY.

METALLIC VOICE
Halt--do--not--advance--any--further.

SIMON
(raising wildly imploring (X)
hands to the disk)
I call upon you to destroy this
Sodom and Gomorrah, this Morning Glory, (X)
this abomination in the eyes of...

CONTINUED

Night of the Flying Pie Plate #0302 I-9
Rev. 8/15/66

14. CONTINUED 14.

The HUMMING has reached a very HIGH INTENSITY during the
above, and suddenly Simon is lifted into the air and
hurled back as if by a tremendous invisible force...

15. ANOTHER ANGLE 15.

The miners hurry up to the stunned figure of Simon,
sprawled on the ground quite some distance away from the
disk--and as they crowd about him, one lifts his head
and looks back, reacts, then the others follow suit...

...as a collective GASP GOES UP from the crowd--now we
see that, silently, smoothly, a hinged panel in the side
of the disk is rising, exposing the multi-lighted interior...

..from which a slim, shapely young lady emerges dressed
in a tight-fitting jumper suit of a metallic cloth--
adorned profusely with what seems to be gleaming gems--
and the young lady herself, her skin, her hair, even
more, her eyes, are a soft, glowing green. The girl
(her name is MORN, we will find) looks around at the
awed, silent circle of faces and speaks. Her voice is
clear, she uses no particular accent, but her syntax is
sometimes scrambled even though she makes sense.

A MINER'S VOICE
Flamin fishes! She's green!

ANOTHER MINER'S VOICE
Green as Kelly's tie on St. Patrick's
Day!

MORN
(pointing to Simon)
He will recover, with no lasting
effects.

WEST
What do you do when someone really
irritates you?

MORN
(knitting her brows--
puzzled)
I do not--comprehend.

WEST
Let me put it this way; if it isn't
revealing classified information,
how did you do that?

CONTINUED

Night of the Flying Pie Plate #0302 I-10
Rev. 8/23/66

15. CONTINUED 15.

MORN
(gently, as if
explaining to
a child)
I did nothing;
(points to disk)
It was the force field belt.

WEST
(gravely)
Of course; that explains everything.

Victor steps forward and doffs his hat with a flourish.

VICTOR
Welcome to Morning Glory, the garden
spot of old Arizona, Miss....?

MORN
(inclines her
head gravely)
I am called Morn.

MINER'S VOICE (X)
Ask her where she hails from!

As Victor looks enquiringly at Morn she points off at
the sky.

MORN
Far off, from--
(a beat, thinks,
then:)
In your language it is called
Venus.

A great BUZZ breaks out from the open-mouthed crowd at
this.

WEST
How do you happen to know our language
so well?

MORN
On our planet, many young people--
usually females--are born with the
gift of translation.
(gestures, trying
to explain)
It is of the brain--when you speak,
the vibrations are translated by
my brain, thus I am able to...

CONTINUED

Night of the Flying Pie Plate #0302 I-10A
Rev. 8/23/66

15. CONTINUED 15.

She stops, suddenly turns to the disk and her attitude
is distinctly one of listening--but we hear NOTHING--
then Morn nods, and turns back to West.

MORN
Please forgive us for the trouble
we are causing you; as my sisters
have just reminded me, we have
run short of fuel, and...

WEST
Your sisters have just reminded
you?

MORN
(smiling apologetically)
I'm sorry, I forget that you do
not know about our method of--how
shall I say it--thought projection...

She turns back to the ship and stares silently at it
briefly, then TWO OTHER YOUNG LADIES (ALNA and PAN)
emerge from the disk, both as slim and attractive as
Morn, both with the same glowing green (X)
color, and both clad as Morn is, in a metallic jumper
hung with jewel-like stones. Over the excited BUZZ
from the miners:

CONTINUED

The Night of the Flying Pie Plate #0302 I-11
Rev. 8/23/66

15. CONTINUED 15.


MORN
My sisters, Alna and Pan.

Alna and Pan nod briefly at the assembled group, then both
turn and stare intently at Morn, who nods back at them, as
if acknowledging something that has been said to her, then
Morn faces West again.

MORN (CONT'D)
My sisters do not understand your
language as well as I. They wish (X)
to know if you can supply us with
sufficient fuel for us to return
home.

VICTOR
What kind of fuel do you use in
your rig, Morn? We can supply
you with coal, wood--even oil,
if you like...

MORN
(shaking her
head)
No, no, mildum--you know, the
base metal...

At the blank stares that greet this, Morn bites her lips
as she struggles to express herself;

MORN (CONT'D)
How do you say it here...?
(a beat)
Wait, I will show you.

CONTINUED

The Night of the Flying Pie Plate #0302 I-12
Rev. 8/19/66

15. CONTINUED 15.

She turns again to her sisters, stares intently at them, X
then Alna nods, exits into the disk and returns almost
immediately with a lump of gleaming metal that she hands
to Morn. West stares in surprise at the gleaming mass
as it is handed to him.

WEST
This is mildum?

Morn nodes. West and Victor exchange glances; Victor X
examines the metal, then:

VICTOR
You use it for fuel?

MORN
Yes, for the reaction motors that
power our vehicles.
(suddenly uneasy)
You have no mildum here?

Victor has taken the gleaming lump of metal from West,
hefted it, exchanged a glance with him, then, to Morn:

VICTOR
Oh, we have lots of that article,
Ma'am--only we call it gold.

MORN
(relieved)
I am glad; we will need--in your
units of weight--four hundred pounds
of gold. Can you bring it to us now?

She looks around, the bright look on her face fading as she
looks over the sea of open-mouthed incredulous expressions.

MORN (CONT'D)
What--have I said something wrong?

WEST
Mildum--or gold, isn't something you
just pick up off the ground, Morn.

MORN
No? but on our planet there are
mountains of it--everywhere.

WEST
(wryly)
On this planet it's scarce--scarce
enough for men to spend their lives
digging for it, fighting for it--
and often enough, dying for it.

CONTINUED

The Night of the Flying Pie Plate #0302 I-13
Rev. 8/15/66

15. CONTINUED 15.

MORN
(troubled)
Oh. Then--then I suppose we will
have to try to return home with
what we have.

Victor has moved closer to Morn as she speaks, fascinated
by the sparkling stones on her suit.

VICTOR
Those stones on your clothes--
are they jewels?

MORN
Jewels?

VICTOR
Precious stones--you know.

MORN
(shrugging)
Precious? Not to us. They are
on the ground, millions of them.
We like the colors, so we decorate--
we decorate clothes, we decorate
buildings--crush them to make roads
...Here, take one...

She rips off a diamond from her jump-suit, gives it to
Victor. Alna and Pan get into the spirit, they rip off a
jewel or two and hand them to Victor, too. He holds one
--a large diamond-like stone--up, and it looks good.
Then another, this time a red, red ruby, CAMERA MOVES IN
CLOSE, as the miners crowd around the sparkling stones.

16. BACK TO SCENE 16.

Morn and her two sisters are starting to make their way
back along the gangplank leading into their disk when
Victor looks up from his inspection of the gems, his
nostrils dilated with a gathering excitement he can't
conceal.

VICTOR
About that--mildum--you need,
ladies--It's just barely possible
we may be able to work something out...!

FLIP TO:

The Night of the Flying Pie Plate #0302 I-14
Rev. 8/23/66

17. INT. VICTOR'S ASSAY OFFICE - NIGHT 17.

CLOSE on Pettigrew lifting a sack stencilled prominently
with 'U.S.' into position on a pile of other sacks,
similarly stencilled, all neatly heaped within the
cavernous confines of a huge wall safe...

...the PULL BACK to show that we are in a simply furnished
office, largely consisting of a counter that runs along the
front, a plain table, several chairs, and the massive safe
mentioned above...

...and now we also see that a sort of bucket brigade set-
up is in operations, involving the passing forward of the
gold sacks. One of the Cavalrymen passes a sack of gold
dust through the opened door, into the waiting hands of
another soldier, who, in turn, passes the sack on to
Pettigrew, who deposits it in the safe...

...all this under the watchful eye of West, working in his
vest and shirtsleeves, checking merchandise off on his
clipboard. Nearby we also see Victor, in his vest and
shirtsleeves, too. As Pettigrew deposits a final sack in
the safe:

WEST
All right, Mr. Pettigrew, thank
you very much for your help.
(to Victor)
That's the crop.

Victor walks over and runs a hand lovingly over the stacked
sacks--until West casually draws him away, swings the
massive door shut and twirls the dials. Then, as West
scrawls on a sheet of paper:

WEST (CONT'D)
Before you leave, here is receipt
for your premises, Mr. Victor.

VICTOR
(smiling his brittle
smile)
Before I leave? You evicting me from
my own office?

WEST
Call it 'Federal Requisition', if
it makes you feel any better (X)
(handing him paper)
In a day or so an army detachment
will show up to take over the
convoying--until then, this is
Government property. You will, of
course, be adequately reimbursed.

CONTINUED

The Night of the Flying Pie Plate #0302 I-14A
Rev. 8/23/66

17. CONTINUED 17.

VICTOR
Fair enough.
(as he and West shrug
into their coats)
Pretty dry work, tallying sacks of
gold dust; join me in a dram?

WEST
(nodding)
Just to settle the dust.

During the above, the two other cavalrymen have entered
from outside. Now West turns to one, a CORPORAL.

WEST
Corporal, the detail will (X)
remain on a full alert basis
until further orders; two on and
two off at all times.

CORPORAL
Yes, sir.

West nods at Victor, who is looking on interestedly, and
the two leave, followed by Pettigrew.

17A. EXT. ASSAY OFFICE - NIGHT 17A.

As West and Victor head across the street toward the Glory
Hole (Pettigrew departs in different direction), their
path takes them past what looks like a circus wagon, at
first, then, on closer examination we see that the
ornately painted and decorated legends, illuminated by
a flaring acetylene lamp, read: "DRAW BACK FROM THE
YAWNING PIT OF ETERNAL FIRE!" "SEEK OUT YOUR SALVATION!"
"THERE IS LESS TIME THAN YOU THINK!" Etc.

17B. CLOSE ON WEST AND VICTOR 17B.

as West surveys the gaudy wagon.

WEST
Hell-fire Simon's?

VICTOR
Who else would have a tricked-out
Glory Wagon like this?

17C. BACK TO SCENE 17C.

as West and Victor proceed toward the Glory Hole.


The Night of the Flying Pie Plate #0302 I-15
Rev. 8/23/66

18. INT. GLORY HOLE SALOON - NIGHT 18.

West and Victor enter, CAMERA FOLLOWING as they make their way
to the bar, and then we see West stop, staring off-as CAMERA
ANGLES to show a powerful, bearded man slumped over a table,
an empty glass clutched in his hand. West stares at the man--
bends low to see the face more clearly, then throws a
questioning look at a grinning Victor.

WEST (X)
Simon?

VICTOR
Yup. When it comes to salvation, (X)
Hell-fire is his own best customer.

West and Victor proceed toward the bar, and as they approach
it, there is an immediate halt in the BABBLE OF VOICES, then
we HEAR: "There he is, now!" - "speakin' of the devil!", etc.
A GROUP OF MINERS surge around Victor and West as they make
their way to the bar. One of the miners, a gentle old timer
(WINGO) obviously speaks for the others as he buttonholes
Victor eagerly: (NOTE: during the following Victor gestures
to the Bartender, who sets bottle and glasses before West
and himself.)

WINGO
How'd the tests on them jewels
come out, Mr. Victor?!

VICTOR
What?
(a beat, then
with a smile)
Oh--the jewels. Never got
around to them.

He reaches into his pocket, comes up with several jewels we
had seen Morn and her sisters pluck off their garments--and
with a disdainful gesture he rolls them onto the bar. The
miners exchange glances ranging from bewilderment,
disappointment, all the way down to distrust and hostility.

A HARD-FACED MINER (CALICO) conspicuously toting a holstered
gun speaks up.

CALICO
You tellin' us they assay out
out to plain glass?

VICTOR
(an exasperated smile)
Calico, use the brains you were born
with--I don't know anything about
jewels, but I say no one's going
around passing out the real thing
like confetti!

CONTINUED

The Night of the Flying Pie Plate #0302 I-16
Rev. 8/15/66

18. CONTINUED 18.

WEST
I'm not expert either, but there
is a simple, garden-variety test.

He picks up the jewels, saunters around the bar (the
bartender makes way for him, open-mouthed) then West
passes the jewel across the surface of the big mirror....

...and a big "AH-H-H!!" goes up as we see the long
streak it has cut into the glass.

19. CLOSE SHOT - BARTENDER WINCING: 19.

20. BACK TO SCENE 20.

Over the AD-LIB EXCITED BABBLE of the miners, West takes
another jewel, makes another parallel streak in the glass
with it, then finished up with a third jewel by connecting
the two parallel lines with a swooping line--and West
has scratched a huge dollar sign into the glass...

...after which he tosses the jewels back on the bar
counter and saunters around back to his place.

21. ANOTHER ANGLE - CLOSE ON WEST AND VICTOR 21.

Excited miner's faces reflect the increasing excitement
they feel. Victor looks increasingly irritated throughout.
Another TOUGH-LOOKING MINER (JERRY) becomes quite
pugnacious about it as he brings his face close to Victor;

JERRY
What do you say to that!?

VICTOR
I say it doesn't prove out to a
hoot in the wind!
(sarcastically, bowing
to West)
Mr. West here is very capable in
a great many fields, but I doubt
that he's an expert on gems, and
that's what it would take to prove
that
....

ARTEMUS' VOICE
I beg your pardon, but do you
mind not jiggling my arm?

CONTINUED

The Night of the Flying Pie Plate #0302 I-17
Rev. 8/15/66

21. CONTINUED 21.

CAMERA ANGLES and now, for the first time we see the
dapper, gray-bowlered figure at his side, dressed in
the smart hounds-tooth check suit--with the jeweler's
loupe inserted in place in his eye--deftly examining
one of the jewels West tossed on the bar. (NOTE: Artemus
and West play each other as total strangers).

VICTOR
Who--are you?

Without interrupting his examination of the jewel for an
instant, Artemus reaches into his inside coat pocket
with his free hand and comes up with a card that he extends
in Victor's direction.

VICTOR
(reading card aloud)
"Dirk De Jong--precious and
semi-precious gems purchased,
sold, and appraised."
(to Artemus--slowly)
You're an expert, eh?

ARTEMUS
(shrugging--eye still on gem)
Without a peer.

As he speaks, he whips out brass, torch-like affair with
a magnifying lens mounted on gimbels off to one side--
he deftly lights the alcohol torch and, even as he
speaks, he examines the jewels through the now-illuminated
magnifying glass, holding them with jewel's forceps.

WEST
Quite a coincidence, you being
here, Mr. De Jong.

ARTEMUS
Yes, isn't it:
(looking up)
I've got disappointing news for
the owner of these, whoever that is...

VICTOR
(a wintry smile at the miners)
Go on, Mr. De Jong.

ARTEMUS
(holding up a stone)
This is definitely not a first-class
diamond; two-thousand,--twenty two
hundred dollars tops, is all it
would fetch...

CONTINUED

The Night of the Flying Pie Plate #0302 I-18
Rev. 8/19/66

21. CONTINUED 21.

There is a stunned reaction, followed by another BABBLE
OF VOICES from the miners. Victor whirls around, hands
raised high.

VICTOR
Hold it, men, hold it!
(to Artemus)
What about the others?

ARTEMUS
The ruby isn't of the first water,
either.
(shrugging)
The market being what it is, you'd
be lucky to get three thousand...

Again an excited outburst of MINER'S BABBLE. Victor
waves peremptory hands to quiet them.

VICTOR
Quiet!
(to Artemus)
Go on...

ARTEMUS
The other two sapphires --
(shaking his head)
You'll never see more than eight
hundred apiece for them.
(as he pockets his (X)
equipment)
Good day, gentlemen.

And nodding cheerily to the excited-eyed miners on every (X)
hand, Artemus exits.

Victor scoops up the jewels, cradles them reverently in
his hands, no longer trying to conceal his excitement,
then addresses the miners:

VICTOR
Listen, men, I think we're on to
something big! There must be a
couple of million dollars worth
of jewels strung on the dresses
alone of those three...

He trails off, as if unable to bring himself to say
"venusians" then he turns to West, quietly sipping his
drink througout:

VICTOR (CONT'D)
Three what, Mr. West? You're a
fast man with an answer...

CONTINUED

The Night of the Flying Pie Plate #0302 I-19
Rev. 8/19/66

21. CONTINUED 21.


WEST
(dead-pan)
Let's say 'three out-of-town'
visitors!

A CHORUS of EXCITED LAUGHTER breaks out, which Victor
waves down.

VICTOR
Okay, okay! There's three out-of-
town visitors out there in the
canyon -- they need a few measly
hundred pounds of gold for their
rig -- and they've got nothing
but diamonds, and emeralds and
rubies to barter for it
!

More OUTBURST, which Victor quells with his upraised hands.

VICTOR (CONT'D)
From where I stand it looks like
we can make a deal with those three
heavenly graces, and while we're
at it, make more money than we ever...

SIMON'S VOICE (X)
They are evil!

CAMERA ANGLES to show Simon raising his face from his (X)
sprawled out attitude on the table. As he struggles to
lift himself up and get to his feet:

SIMON (CONT'D) (X)
Let no one be deceived by their
color -- for green is the color
of evil
!

Again an answering chorus of CATCALLS and BOOS break out (X)
from the miners, and over it all, the THUNDEROUS VOICE
of Simon BOOMS out:

SIMON (CONT'D)
They are evil, I tell you! Their
arrival from outer space is evil --
their purpose is evil...

And now, grinning broadly, the bartender comes up to Simon (X)
with a bottle and pours a slug into Simon's glass, as if
this is an old, old story. And, almost with a reflex motion
Simon picks up the glass, drains it, then:

SIMON (CONT'D) (X)
...they -- must -- be -- destroyed...!


The Night of the Flying Pie Plate #0302 I-20
Rev. 8/23/66

21. CONTINUED 21.

Before the last syllables have passed his lips, Hell-fire
Simon's head droops forward and he returns to his inert,
slumped-over position on the table.

21A. ANOTHER ANGLE - AT BAR 21A.(X)

as West sets his empty glass down, nods distantly at Victor
and the others, and, after tossing a coin on the bar counter,
heads for the door, CAMERA FOLLOWING -- the CAMERA ANGLES BACK
to Simon slumped over the table -- MOVES IN CLOSE to show
that one of Simon's eyes is open, and staring after the now
departed West.

21B. EXT. GLORY HOLE MAIN STREET - NIGHT 21B.

CAMERA MOVES with West as he strolls along the empty street,
until we see him pause before a tobaccanist's shop, as
signified by the large, wooden Indian statue. As West leans
against the wooden Indian and looks over the shop window, we
HEAR him MURMUR:

WEST
Didn't you overdo the gem expert bit
with those inflated prices you were
reeling off?

CAMERA MOVES OVER and now we can see that Artemus is
inconspicuously tucked away on the other side of the wooden
Indian. Artemus, as he continues to look over the shop
merchandise on his side:

ARTEMUS
(barely moving his lips)
James, my boy, I know enough about the
glittering stuff to tell you this --
those gems are the real McCoy!

A long beat as West digests this, staring sightlessly at the
window, then he nods thoughtfully.

WEST
Of course; it figures that whoever is
running this fleecing game would prime
the s*ckers that way...

ARTEMUS
Listen, your telegram mentioned a
flying pie-plate, whatever that is...

WEST
(grimly)
All part of the treatment, Artie--
you'll see it, in due time.

Feigning a yawn, West turns and walks off.


The Night of the Flying Pie Plate #0302 I-21
Rev. 8/19/66

22. OMIT 22.

23. ANOTHER ANGLE 23.

West walks along the deserted street, lost in thought.
As he passes an area where two buildings are a few
feet apart, he hears a low MOAN. He cannot see who or
what is making it; he hears it repeated, then moves in,
between buildings, to investigate.

24. EXT. ALLEYWAY - MED. SHOT 24.

Calico, Jerry and the third man all jump West at the
same time. He reacts quickly enough to keep from
getting clobbered by a club, then flattens the gunman
wielding it, turns and doubles Calico over with a body
blow, slamming him against the building. Jerry
manages to slug toe to toe with West, but is going
down from West's heavier punches when Calico, recovered,
comes up behind West and fells him with a blow from his
pistol barrel.

JERRY
(gasping for breath)
Load him on his horse.

He and Calico bend, pick up the unconscious West;
CAMERA HOLDS ON West's face, and we FREEZE FRAME to


END OF ACT ONE

Snish
SS novice field agent

873 Posts

Posted - 10/15/2009 :  16:06:30  Show Profile
Night of the Flying Pie Plate #0302 II-22
Rev. 8/15/66

ACT TWO

FADE IN:

25. EXT. DESERT -- MED. PAN SHOT - NIGHT 25.

Two riders proceed unhurriedly across the moonlit, rocky
desert; following them is a horse with something draped
over it. As this group comes CLOSER, it becomes apparent
that the riders are Calico and Jerry, and that the animal's
burden is Jim West, unconscious, tied hand and foot and
secured crosswise on the horse.

26. RUNNING INSERT - TWO SHOT 26.

The two assassins converse as they ride.

CALICO
How close to the pie plate should
we leave him?

JERRY
(looking ahead)
Right next to it. Make it look like
he was snooping around.

27. RUNNING INSERT - CLOSE - WEST 27.

To establish his unconsciousness. Voices over:

CALICO'S VOICE
I hit him pretty hard. Maybe he's
dead already.

JERRY'S VOICE
No chance. Not with a head as hard
as he's got. But he will be soon.

West's eyes open during the next speeches; he keeps silent,
suppressing a groan of discomfort and pain, when he realizes
where he is and what is happening.

28. INSERT - WEST'S HANDS 28.

Though his wrists are tightly bound, he can move his hands
a bit. After a few such movements, he struggles enough to
reach the saddle horn, and he twists it. A three-or-four-
inch, very keen blade shoots straight up; West, using all
his strength to twist his body into the proper position,
rubs his wrist ropes over the blade, and they start to fray.

29. MEDIUM SHOT 29.

Establishing that they are getting pretty close to the
flying pie plate, which is sitting quietly in the moonlight.


Night of the Flying Pie Plate #0302 II-23
Rev. 8/15/66


30. MED. CLOSE PAN SHOT 30.

Jerry and Calico keep moving; Jerry turns to look back
once at West.

31. CLOSE PAN - ON WEST 31.

He sees Jerry turn; he stops sawing against the blade.
When Jerry turns back to the front, West resumes his work.
He frees his hands; now he goes to work on the rope which
goes under the horse's belly from wrists to ankles. He
gets that cut through, takes a deep breath and slips off
his horse.

32. MED. GROUP 32.

Jerry turns to look again, just as West slips off the horse
and lands in the sand with a thud. He grabs Calico's arm;
both stop, guns leaping into their hands -- but West doesn't
stir.

JERRY
You got a lot to learn about tyin'
ropes, pal.

CALICO
Awright. We're close enough now,
anyway, ain't we?

JERRY
I reckon.
(indicating gun)
Not with that. It'll look more like
they did it if we don't use a bullet.
Get the ropes off him and we'll use
this.

Calico and Jerry dismount; Jerry slips a lethal-looking
knife from a belt holster and moves after Calico, toward
West.

33. MED. CLOSE 33.

West's hands are together and his eyes closed as Calico
approaches--but he approaches from the wrong direction.
He is moving toward West's feet, which are still bound.
As he bends, West pulls his feet up, then kicks straight
out. Both hard heels catch Calico under the chin, lifting
him right off the ground. He goes over backwards and does
not move. Jerry reacts immediately, lunging at West with
the knife. West, still flat on the ground, manages to grab
Jerry's wrist before becoming impaled. There is a brief
straining of muscles, with West at a big weight and position
disadvantage.

CONTINUED

Night of the Flying Pie Plate #0302

II-24
Rev. 8/23/66

33. CONTINUED 33.

The knife moves closer to his face -- and West uses his small
ring-knife to jab into Jerry's side. Jerry gasps in
pain,
twists sideways -- and at that instant West chops his wrist,
making him drop the knife. West grabs it as Jerry rolls away
quickly. Jerry goes for his gun and has it in his hand when
his own knife smacks into his gun hand. He roars with pain,
tries to duck West's charge, but fails. West flattens him
with two haymakers, one from each hand.

34. MED. SHOT 34.

West, his feet still tied, looks at his two motionless
assailants for a moment, then uses his ring-knife to free
his ankles. He stands up, moves to the inert Calico and
finds him still unconscious. CAMERA MOVES IN ON HIS FACE
as he regards the two men thoughtfully, and we

DISSOLVE TO:

35. OMIT 35.

36. EXT. NEAR FLYING PIE-PLATE - MED. SHOT - NIGHT 36.

West has just completed the job of tying the two would-be
assasins onto two horses. The third horse is tied to a
nearby rock or bush. West slaps the rumps of the laden
animals, and they move out quickly, heading in the direction
of town. West watches them go for a moment; his face is a
bit battered, and he is certainly weary enough. He sighs,
moves to the remaining horse, takes from it a canteen and
drinks thirstily.

37. MEDIUM CLOSE - PIE-PLATE 37.

The door opens soundlessly and Morn appears. She is
dressed this time in a garment made of the same metallic
cloth, but instead of the form-fitting jumpsuit it is an
even more provocative affair -- sort of shortie nightgown,
which reveals quite a bit of her green epidermis. Her hair
is tousled, as if she has just awakened, and she is lovely.
She frowns as she squints off into the shadows, looking
at:

38. MED. SHOT - POV - WEST 38.

West is just seating himself on a rock, exhausted, taking a
brief rest. His rumpled and bruised condition is evident.
If the departing horses and their burdens are visible, they
are a considerable distance away by now.

Night of the Flying Pie Plate #0302
II-25
Rev. 8/15/66

39. MED. SHOT 39.
Morn, concern on her face, moves quickly toward West, who
hears her coming, turns and rises, his eyes wide as he
sees her. CAMERA CLOSES TO A TWO SHOT, as she arrives.

MORN
You are hurt, Mr....?

West shakes his head, unable to speak for an instant as
he stares at her. Finally:

WEST
Call me Jim: and I'm not hurt -- just
tired out from playing too hard.

Morn frowns, takes from him a handkerchief he has been
using to wipe some of the sand and sweat off.

MORN
Sit.

West sits on the rock.

MORN (CONT'D)
What really happened, Jim?

She goes to working on his abrasions, using water from the
canteen and the handkerchief, very gently. He enjoys every
moment of it. He answers rather absently.

WEST
Nothing much. A minor disagreement
with a couple of -- miner playmates.

MORN
(looks off, then back)
Your playmates -- they are also hurt?

WEST
(a pause; then
quietly)
They're not feeling any pain, right
now.
(takes her hand)
In case anyone should bother to ask,
you're really very nice.

He rises to his feet again, they are standing quite close.

MORN
You are very nice, too.....

CONTINUED

Night of the Flying Pie Plate #0302

II-26
Rev. 8/19/66

39. CONTINUED 39.

West has a notion; he manages to tear his eyes from the
girl, glance off at the ship, then says:

WEST
I'm tireder than I realized--uh...
is there someplace I could rest
inside?

MORN
I am sorry. My sisters will allow
no earthling to enter our vehicle.

WEST
Too bad. Well...in that case, I
guess I'd better get back to town
and rest there.
(smiles at her)
Thanks, Morn. You're very sweet,
and it's been fun.

She looks up at him gravely, says sincerely.

MORN
You will please not 'play' too
hard, Jim.

He nods, then he reaches down and kisses her. She
does not move. When it is over:

MORN
(frowning)
Why did you do that?

WEST
(momentarily
taken aback)
I--well, it's a custom of this
planet. It's called a kiss.

MORN
(thoughtfully)
A kiss?

WEST
Yes. It's a gesture of friendship.
If two people feel friendly toward
each other, then they--kiss.
Understand?

CONTINUED

Night of the Flying Pie Plate #0302

II-27
Rev. 8/19/66

39. CONTINUED 39.

MORN
I think so.

She starts to raise her green face to his again -- and
West smoothly moves away, then, while she is reacting
disappointedly, he turns back to her and puts his hands
on her arms, gently:

WEST
Morn--if that's your name--
I want you to listen to me.
You're mixed up in something
pretty serious, you know, and...

MORN
(wide-eyed)
Mixed up? What is it that you
mean?

He is about to continue, when she turns toward the
pie-plate, listening attentively to complete silence,
then turns back to West:

MORN (CONT'D)
(regretfullY)
I'm sorry, Jim, I...

WEST
I know, your sisters have just
projected a reminder that it's
time for you to go in and
practice your piano scales.

Morn looks puzzled at this, but waves goodbye and
hastens toward the disk. West watches her go,
lingering appreciatively over the sight of her shapely
totality, then turns, swings up on his horse and
starts to ride away, as we:

DISSOLVE TO:
40. OMIT 40.

41. EXT. MORNING GLORY STREET - DAY 41.

OPEN on Artemus and Victor, emerging from the "Busy Bee"
restaurant, both genteelly busying themselves with
toothpicks, then we see Victor stare off fascinatedly--


Night of the Flying Pie Plate #0302

II-29
Rev. 8/19/66

42. HIS POV 42.

A group of miners emerging from the hotel--picking up
shovels, picks, etc., which are stacked on the porch--
are also staring--and now we see the two horses slowly
coming into view--and tied across the saddles are Jerry
and Calico, just as West left them--trussed very securely,
and gagged as well. They look like bodies; the miners
approach cautiously. For a time, no one says anything.
Then Wingo slowly and gravely removes his hat. The other
miners do the same.

Night of the Flying Pie Plate #0302

II-29
Rev. 8/19/66

43. OMIT 43.

43A. ANOTHER ANGLE 43A.

As Victor and Artemus come up to the group--pushing their
way past the others to stare at the two still figures.

VICTOR
They dead?

ARTEMUS
(hushed tones)
I don't recall ever seeing a couple
of corpses that looked deader.

At this juncture, one of the heavily-bound men manages to
wiggle a little, and make a noise. With murmurs of
"Hey--they're alive!", the men closest begin cutting the
ropes. Victor and Artemus look on expectantly, then both
look up to see:

44. LONG SHOT - STREET 44.

West is riding into town at an easy lope. Jerry and
Calico now stand on shaky feet and glare their full-blown
hatred at him as he pulls up and hitches his horse.

WEST
Morning, gentlemen!
(glances up at sky)
Looks like it's working up to being
a nice day, wouldn't you say?

He nods then continues into the hotel. Victor, winking
at Artemus, says to Jerry and Calico:

VICTOR
I guess you learned your lesson, eh,
boys? Better keep away from our
green-skinned friends except in the
daytime.

He leads the laughter that breaks out among the other miners,
the, to the miners:

VICTOR
You men got your pokes all ready?
Let's start weighing what we got...

FLIP TO:

45,46,47,48,49 OMIT 45,46,47,48,49

Night of the Flying Pie Plate #0302

II-30
Rev. 8/19/66

50. INT. GLORY HOLE SALOON - DAY 50.

Victor is eated at a big table, with scales, ledgers and
receipt book in front of him. To one side are stacked
many pokes of gold dust, of various sizes; several small
boxes are also filled with pokes. Many miners are in the
saloon, looking on, each waiting to hand his precious sack
to Victor for what we come to realize is a weighing and
recording session.

VICTOR
Eighteen ounces even--Nate Kilburn.
Put your "X" here, Nate...

During the above, CAMERA ANGLES to the front door, where
we see West and Artemus entering. CAMERA FOLLOWS as the
two saunter over to the table where Victor is presiding.
As the old-timer, Wingo, hands his poke to Victor, he
glances up and nods affably at West and Artemus.

VICTOR
Morning, gentlemen.
(to Wingo)
Thirty-one and a half ounces --
William Wingo; that's real good.

As he takes the receipt, beaming, Wingo says:

WINGO
I'll tell you this: I prob'ly forgot
more about pannin' gold than the
young fellas'll ever learn.

There is good natured laughter, some jibes, and Victor
bends over the ledger, adding. Artemus and West stand
and watch, smiling. (Among the crowd we see Calico and
Jerry, who glower at West now and then). Finally, after
calculating, Victor announces:

VICTOR
Ready for the grand total?
(the BABBLE DIES DOWN)
One hundred and fifty pounds, nine
and a half ounces.

51. SHOT - THE MINERS 51.

All with smiling, excited expressions--and we see their
smiles wipe off as the full significance of Victor's
statement sinks in.

MINER
That's all? After all the backbreakin'
diggin' and pannin' we done!

An IRATE BABBLE OF VOICES BREAKS OUT, with much vigorous
nodding.

CONTINUED

Night of the Flying Pie Plate #0302

II-31
Rev. 8/19/66

51. CONTINUED 51.

VICTOR
I hate to say this, man, but at the
rate we're going a certain flying
pie-plate will be halfway back to
Venus before we come up with the
four hundred pounds of gold they need.

52. CLOSE SHOT - WEST AND ARTEMUS 52.

Exchanging a "here it comes" look.

53. BACK TO SCENE 53.

MINER
What do we do, Mr. Victor?

WINGO
I'll tell you what we do! There's
a couple of million dollars worth
of jewels out there--practically
begging for a new home--we either
come up with a lot of 'mildum' fast --
or we can forget about the whole deal!

Again West and Artemus exchange "here it comes" glances,
then Victor turns and looks up at West with his thin
smile.
CONTINUED

Night of the Flying Pie Plate #0302

II-32
Rev. 8/19/66

53. CONTINUED 53.

VICTOR
Mr. West, you're my favorite answer
man; got any ideas on the subject?

WEST
The only sizeable amount of gold I
know of is in your valut--there's a
lot more than four hundred pounds
worth, there...

And EXCITED BABBLE OF VOICES BREAKS OUT in response.

WEST (CONT'D)
...only trouble is, it happens to
be the property of the United States
Government.

The BABBLING VOICES DIE AWAY

VICTOR
So much for that. by the way, Mr.
West, when will the Government get
around to picking up their property
and moving on with it?

WEST
Hard to tell; maybe not for another
day -- two days -- a week.

ARTEMUS
(blandly)
I don't know too much about these
matters, gentlemen, but how do you
imagine the Government would take it
if their gold was--how shall I put it--
temporarily borrowed, just to complete
the jewel transaction?

WEST
Mr. De Jong, I can tell you --
(turning to miners)
--and anyone else who's interested--
that the United States Government would
take a very dim view of it.

He turns and saunters toward the door, and we see a
succession of grim-faced rugged faces, watching them as he
heads for the swinging doors and exit.

FLIP TO:

54. OMIT 54.

Night of the Flying Pie Plate #0302 II-33
Rev. 8/23/66

54A. INT. HOTEL LOBBY - DAY 54A.

The lobby is empty, except for a man sprawled out in a
chair in the lobby, an outstretched newspaper covering
a great deal of him. West comes into view, picks a
magazine up from one of the tables, and sprawls out in
the chair next to the man reading the newspaper.

WEST
(quietly, - as
he reads magazine)
Well? It's all painfully obvious,
now, isn't it?

54B. ANOTHER ANGLE 54B.

revealing that the man behind the newspaper is Artemus.
(NOTE: during the following, INTERCUT.)

ARTEMUS
(nodding - softly)
Your ridiculous, laughable suspicions
were right on the head, Jim: Victor,
Wingo and those other two prize
beauties keep zinging it in to the
miners how their chances of cleaning
up in a big way are going to go
glimmering, unless they get their
hands on a big chunk of gold...

WEST
...and by the sheerest coincidence,
there happens to be a big chunk of
Government gold in Victor's vault...

ARTEMUS
...which the miners will certainly
get around to, pretty shortly;
they'll blow up the vault--they'll
take the gold to the pie-plate...

WEST
...and one way or another, the
pie-plate will take off with it,
so they'll be the ones who'll have
to take the rap...leaving everyone
else in the clear.

CONTINUED

Night of the Flying Pie Plate #0302

II-34
Rev. 8/23/66

54B. CONTINUED 54B.

ARTEMUS
Neat. About as neat an operation
as I ever heard of.
(a beat)
You got any idea who's running the
show?

WEST
(slowly--troubled)
I don't know. Off hand, Victor--
but he's a little too obvious...

ARTEMUS
Jerry and Calico...?

WEST
(contemptuously)
A couple of two-bit plug uglies
carrying out orders.

ARTEMUS
Okay, so that leaves Hell-fire
Simon, Wingo, and the Chinese cook
at the Busy Bee; choose one.

WEST
Let me think about it. And in
the meantime, why don't you high-
tail it over to the Assay Office--
that's where all the fun and games
is going to be.

ARTEMUS
Right. I'll see that it's manned
full strength, on a continuous
alert basis. What about you?

WEST
(grimly)
Me, I'm going to invite the girl
from Venus to an American pic-nic.

On Artemus' puzzled expression as he tres to digest this,

DISSOLVE TO:

"Night of the Flying Pie Plate" #0302

III-35/36/37/38/39
Rev. 8/23/66

55. OMIT 55.
thru thru
63. 63.

63A. EXT. ASSAY OFFICE - NIGHT 63A.

The brightly lighted interior is a beacon lighting a sea
of darkness in the otherwise sleeping town. CAMERA PICKS
UP a trooper, alert, rifle at the ready, as he makes a
slow circuit of the Assay Office's perimeter, and then we
see him tense, ready for anything as he HEARS a MOAN...

63B. ANOTHER ANGLE 63B.

as the trooper cautiously approaches the front of the
Assay Office, HEARS another MOAN, then, rifle cocked,
approaches the two sprawled figures on the sidewalk...

63C. CLOSE SHOT - THE TWO FIGURES 63C.

Now we can SEE that they are Alna and Pan apparently
unconscious as they sprawl engagingly, their eyes closed,
their jewelled, form-fitting mettalic jumper suits picking
out vagrant gleams of light in the otherwise darkness.
For a long beat the trooper goggles at the sight that
meets his eyes, then, backing away from them, he approaches
the front door and beats the butt of his rifle against it.

TROOPER
Corporal! There's -- there's
something out here!

The front door opens cautiously to reveal a stern, frowning
Corporal.

CORPORAL
What the devil, Karns, you act
like you saw a...!

And during the above, his eyes stray to the two sprawled
figures that the Trooper is pointing towards, and the
Corporal's stern attitude evaporates as he stares --
then, turning back into the office:

CORPORAL (CONT'D)
Mr. Gordon, would you take a look
at -- at what's out here...?

A beat, then Artemus comes to the front door, a large,
gleaming pistol in his hand -- like the Corporal, frowning
-- until his eyes pick out the objects the Corporal is
pointing towards.

CONTINUED

Night of the Flying Pie Plate #0302 II-40
Rev. 8/23/66

63C. CONTINUED 63C.

ARTEMUS
(after an admiring
beat)
Corporal, I'm surprised at you,
leaving a couple of -- of --
whatever they are lying out there!

63D. INT. ASSAY OFFICE 63D.
as Artemus, the Corporal and the trooper carry the
unconsious figures of Alna and Pan into the office and
gently prop them up in chairs, with the other two
Troopers looking on open-mouthed.

ARTEMUS (CONT'D)
Hot water, and plenty of it --
no, make that ammonia, or smelling
salts -- or better yet, if there's
any brandy around this place....!

The SOUND of a SIGH interrupts Artemus--he turns to
see that Pan and Alna are fluttering their eyes and
otherwise indicating that they are coming to.

ALNA
(looking around)
What--what happened? And where
are we?

ARTEMUS
(eagerly)
You're in excellent hands,
ladies--you must have fainted.

PAN
(sighing)
Of course; it's this Earth air--
(apologetically)
Please understand--it's excellent
air, but for Venusians...

ALNA
(to Pan)
Aren't you going to tell them
why we are here? Shall I?
(at Pan's nod)
We came to beg you for Mildum--
without it, we cannot return home.

ARTEMUS
(elaborately regretful)
Dear ladies, what you ask is
impossible; we cannot give you what
is not ours to give--you do see that,
don't you?

CONTINUED

Night of the Flying Pie Plate #0302 II-41
Rev. 8/23/66

63D. CONTINUED 63D.

Pan and Alna exchange dolorous glance, then both
rise unsteadily to their feet.

PAN
I suppose--that's--final...?

ARTEMUS
(nodding)
I'm sorry, believe me.

The two girls sigh, then start to turn toward the door,
when the Corporal, who has been gazing fascinatedly at
the weird-looking pistols they each wear in their
holsters, speaks up:

CORPORAL
Beggin' your pardons, Ma'am, but
what manner o' small arms is that?!

ALNA
What? Oh, this--in your language
it would be called--
(to Pan)
How would you say it?

PAN
An anaesthesia projector; like
so...

In a smooth series of moves, Alna an Pan flip down
over their faces what has heretofore appeared to be an
exotic form of Venusian headgear--but which we now see
is actually a gas mask--and then, in less time than it
takes to tell about it, they have snatched their guns
out of their holsters and fired at the group of men...

...only, instead of bullets, yellow clouds of gas are
discharged, with almost instantaneous results; with only
the most ineffectual effors to raise their rifles (and,
in the case of Artemus, his pistol) all five men crumple
and plunge senselessly to the floor.

64D. CLOSE SHOT - ARTEMUS, SPRAWLED ON THE FLOOR 64D.

we see him (but no one else does) surreptitiously reach
into his inside coat pocket, extract a miniaturized
form of a gas mask, clip it onto his nose and continue
his inert posture.

65D. ANOTHER ANGLE - AT DOOR 65D.

as it swings open, and Victor enters...and, even obscured
by the gas mask he wears, we should get the idea that he
is smiling his sardonic smile, as we

FREEZE FRAME.

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Snish
SS novice field agent

873 Posts

Posted - 10/15/2009 :  16:10:22  Show Profile
Night of the Flying Pie Plate #0302 III-42
Rev. 8/23/66

ACT THREE

FADE IN:

66. ASSAY OFFICE - NIGHT 66.

We are looking at what is obviously the tail end of a
'bucket brigade' procedure in which the gold dust sacks
are being passed from Victor at the safe, to Calico,
then on to Jerry at the opened door. (NOTE: Calico and
Jerry are also wearing gas masks--and the four Troopers
and Artemus are still lying on the ground as last seen)...

...and as the last few sacks of gold are passed to
Jerry, and Calico, Victor takes the last sack himself
and all three exit hastily...

67. EXT. IN BACK OF ASSAY OFFICE - NIGHT 67.

where we see a wagon waiting.--Pan and Alna are seen
straining as they shift sacks of gold dust into
position on the bed of the wagon--now Calico, Jerry
and Victor come up, stumbling under the load they
carry, they each toss his sack onto the pile of sacks
already in the wagon, then all mount the wagon, Jerry
flicks the reins, and, groaning under the strain, the
wagon takes off.

68. INT. ASSAY OFFICE 68.

where we see Artemus cautiously raise his head, look
around then hastily get to his feet and dart toward the
door...

69. EXT. IN BACK OF THE ASSAY OFFICE - NIGHT 69.

Artemus comes into view (thankfully unclipping his gas
mask), and, keeping under cover, stares after the
departing wagon--then we see him begin the business of
trailing after the wagon, taking advantage of every
bit of cover to keep from being observed...


Night of the Flying Pie Plate #0302

III-43
Rev. 8/23/66

70. EXT. SKY - FULL SHOT - MOON - NIGHT (STOCK) 70.

To establish the night sky.

71. EXT. CAMPSITE - ROCKS - TWO SHOT - NIGHT 71.

West and Morn are seated on a blanket in front of a
cozy fire, the remnants of a picnic supper nearby.
Morn is just finishing off a chicken drumstick; West
is watching.

MORN
I am glad you talked me into
coming on a --
(uncertainly)
What are we on?

WEST
A pic-nic.

MORN
Yes, a pic-nic. And I like your
earth food. What is it?

WEST
What you're eating came from a
bird.

MORN
(startled)
A bird? A singing bird?


WEST
Well...no. That's a chicken --
they don't exactly sing....

MORN
(very relieved)
Oh...I am glad.


CONTINUED

Night of the Flying Pie Plate #0302
III-44
Rev. 8/23/66


71. CONTINUED 71.

She looks around for something to clean her greasy hands
with, and West thoughtfully finds a napkin from his nearby
saddlebag and hands it to her. She wipes her hands and
her lips, sighs happily and moves close to him, holding
her face up for a kiss.

MORN (CONT'D)
Thank you for the pic-nic. I
now feel friendly.

Again she starts to lean toward him, and again West
maneuvers himself into a position where he suddenly isn't
available. As he stared off into the sky:

WEST
Tell me, Morn...does everyone on
your planet have the same color
skin as you do?

MORN
Oh yes. Do they not have on
this planet?

WEST
No, there are a few variations.
(after a silence;
quietly)
That's funny. Look at this, Morn.

He has picked up her napkin. There are smudges of green
on it. He has of course seen this some time ago; now he
watches her face closely. She says, apologetically:

CONTINUED


Night of the Flying Pie Plate #0302

III-45
Rev. 8/23/66

71. CONTINUED 71.


MORN
Oh--I'm sorry. I hope it will come
off.

WEST
It did come off--of you. It's green,
isn't it?

MORN
(embarrassed)
I must tell you a secret, Jim....

WEST
Yes, I think you should.

MORN
(anxiously)
You will not speak of this to my
sisters?

WEST
(startled)
What?

From some hidden pocket, Morn has produced a small,
apparently gold rouge-box which she opens to show West.
The stuff inside is bright green.

MORN
My sisters believe I am too young to
use this -- but I do. All my friends
of my age do, also.

She applies a bit, expertly, while West stares. She
compresses her lips, as all women do, to spread the color,
then asks:

MORN
Is it all right?

WEST
(slowly)
Perfect.
(a beat)
I guess your planet isn't very much
different from ours, in some ways.

MORN
It is not so friendly.
(cuddles again)
Jim I like your earth. I think
perhaps I would like to stay....

CONTINUED


Night of the Flying Pie Plate #0302 III-46/47
Rev. 8/23/66

71. CONTINUED 71.

She is very happy apparently, to sit within the circle of his
arm and gaze into the fire. West frowns, confused and troubled.

72. EXT. AT PIE-PLATE SITE - NIGHT 72.

Again we are looking at the last stages of a 'bucket brigade'
set-up, but this time we see the last of the gold dust sacks
are being transferred into the depths of the pie-plate by
Calico, Jerry and Victor, through the yawning open door--
then, as Jerry and Calico drive off the wagon, Victor, Pan
and Alna enter the pie-plate, and the door swings shut.
HOLD, then CAMERA ANGLES...

73. ANOTHER ANGLE 73.

...and we see Artemus raise his head from behind the cover of
a clump of cactus. A beat, then he starts moving cautiously
toward the disk, then becomes aware of the HUMMING SOUND
coming from it...

...he drops to his belly and slowly and laboriously begins the
process of wriggling to the disk, pressed as closely as
possible to the earth; the point is reached where the HUMMING
SOUND STARTS TO GET LOUDER -- Artemus pauses briefly, then
continues wriggling slowly forward, with a fearful expression
on his face...

...then with tremendous relief, apparently wriggles right
through the signal zone, because the HUMMING NOISE CEASES
completely.

74. ANOTHER ANGLE - AT DISK 74.

Arrived at the side of the disk, Artemus takes various objects
from his pockets--bottles, a suction cup, cutting instruments
etc. as he starts applying suction cup to the side of the
disk, and begins the process of opening bottles, CAMERA ANGLES
and we see a small panel flipping open--and framed in the
tiny opening we see an eye, unwinkingly regarding Artemus as
he obliviously works away, then the panel silently slides
shut again...

...and now a shadow falls across the oblivious Artemus, a
hand descends swiftly with a sap, and Artemus crumples
inertly to the ground, as we

DISSOLVE TO:

Night of the Flying Pie Plate #0302

III-48
Rev. 8/23/66

75. EXT. FLYING PIE-PLATE 75.

West is seen walking Morn to the door of the disk -- only
the door isn't there, yet, until, finally it swings up and
the ramp slides out to permit an entrance into the interior.

MORN
Good-night, Jim, thank you for
showing me all about pic-nicking --
I like it almost as much as -- being
friendly.

WEST
(a long beat)
Good night, Morn.

He turns to go and is halfway down the ramp when he
HEARS the GROAN -- and he wheels around and goes back
to Morn, who is blocking his further advance.

WEST (CONT'D)
I'd recognize that groan anywhere.
I'm going in.

MORN

(low-urgently)
No, Jim, no! Go away--quickly..!

West takes Morn's arms and gently but firmly, he's pushing
her aside as he says:

WEST
Out of my way, Morn...

VICTOR'S VOICE
You heard him, out of his way.

76. ANOTHER ANGLE 76.

In which we see Victor, in the space ship, a gun in his
hand, beckoning to West to enter.

77. INT. FLYING PIE PLATE - NIGHT 77.

West enters to find himself in what seems to be the


control section of the Pie-plate. An imposing collection
of dials glowing in the semi-darkened room--but it's light
enough to clearly make out that Victor is standing there
with a gun pointed at West. Victor pushes against one of
the walls--it swings open like a door to disclose a large,
more brightly lighted section, into which he waves West,
who enters, followed by Morn.

VICTOR
Come in, Mr. West, since you are
being so insistent about it.


Night of the Flying Pie Plate #0302

III-49
Rev. 8/23/66

78. ANOTHER ANGLE - MAIN AREA OF DISK 78.

With Victor's pistol never leaving him, West enters and
stares curiously about, here the flying pie-plate is just a
shell, supported by several metal pillars, with another
quadrant of its area curtained off--and now we see Alna and
Pan, the conventional clothes they are now wearing contrasting
oddly with their still green complexions--and off to one side,
Artemus tied in a chair; from the way his head is slumped
forward, in a semi-conscious state...

79. ANOTHER ANGLE 79.

as West turns from Alna, to Pan, then to Morn who enters
from the curtained area, still wearing her Venusian dress.

VICTOR
Allow me to present our sterling
cast of characters, Mr. West;
(gesturing
grandly)
Here are the celebrated Courtney
Sisters act, known to you as
Alna, Pan and Morn...

CONTINUED

Night of the Flying Pie Plate #0302
III-50
Rev. 8/23/66

80. CONTINUED 80.


WEST
(bowing gravely)
My compliments, ladies, on a
splendid performance.

VICTOR
Then there is myself, the poor but
proud proprietor of Morning Glory's
humble Assay Office--
(gesturing at Artemus)
--and of course, Mr. Dirk De Jong,
otherwise known as Artemus Gordon,
your dashing fellow Federal Agent...

As Victor speaks, Artemus raises his head, and West catches
his breath sharply as he sees that Artemus' face is as
green as the Courtney sisters.

VICTOR (CONT'D)
(enjoying the moment)
Like it? A simple chemical injection
is responsible for the Venusian effect.
The chief feels it will lend a
delightfully bizarre touch when his
body is finally found.

For the first time West's expression betrays surprise.

WEST
The 'Chief?' Funny, I always had the
idea you were Mr. Big...

VICTOR
You were supposed to, Mr. West.


Night of the Flying Pie Plate #0302
III-51
Rev. 8/23/66

81. ANOTHER ANGLE 81.

As he speaks, he pulls a cord hanging from a fall of
drapery covering one corner of the room -- the curtain
slides open...

...and reveals Hell-fire Simon standing before a mirror,
delicately trimming his beard with a pair of small shears.
For a long beat, he continues to inspect his reflection
with approval, then he sets the shears down, picks up
the black leather bound book we have seen earlier, and
turns to West.

WEST
Congratulations on your performance,
too. Your role of the fallen angel,
the drink-besotted man of the cloth
was excellent.

SIMON
Thank you, Mr. West. It was
rather good, wasn't it?

WEST
I think I'll miss the old, loveable
Hell-fire Simon, with the unforgettable
lines he quoted from the book.

SIMON
Then let me quote a few final lines
for you--the lines from Ecclesiastes--
(flips open book --
apparently reads
from it)
"...a time to live--a time to be
born--a time to dance--and a time
to die
!"

As he speaks the last lines, Simon reaches into the book,
and for the first time we see that the book is a dummy--
it's actually a box inset within the dummy pages--and
within the box is a derringer, that Simon picks up and
aims at West as he advances toward him...as we:

FADE OUT:


END OF ACT THREE
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Snish
SS novice field agent

873 Posts

Posted - 10/15/2009 :  16:13:55  Show Profile
Night of the Flying Pie Plate #0302 IV-52
Rev. 8/23/66

ACT FOUR

FADE IN:

82. INT. FLYING PIE-PLATE - NIGHT 82.

CLOSE - on Simon, studying his watch, then PULL BACK to
show West and Artemus, each with his hands and legs
tied to separate stout metal pillars that run from the
floor to the ceiling of the pie-plate.

SIMON
Exactly ten-forty.

He carefully hangs the watch from its chain to another
pillar close to West and Artemus, then seats himself in
a nearby chair.

SIMON (CONT'D)
Can you both see the timepiece
clearly? You see there's a
considerable quantity of dynamite
underneath the floor of our little
pie-plate here--wired to go off at a
precise moment...

ARTEMUS
And you, very considerately, want
us to know when.

SIMON
Exactly; It will twenty minutes from
now--at eleven o'clock...
(pantomiming explosion)
Bo-o-oo-oo-oom!!

WEST

This explosion, of course, will be
thought to be the flying pie-plate
taking off...

SIMON
(delighted)
Very canny of you, sir!

WEST
And long before, you and your
jolly crew will have departed--
(a beat--to Artie)
How will they depart, Artie?

SIMON
(childishly delighted)
Yes! How?


CONTINUED


Night of the Flying Pie Plate #0302 IV-53
Rev. 8/23/66


82. CONTINUED 82.

ARTEMUS
I'm not sure how they'll leave, Jim,
but from what you tell me, I'd say
they came sailing into the lives of
Morning Glory on a balloon, all
gussied up with flares to amaze the
simple natives.

SIMON
Very good, Mr. Gordon; the only point
you didn't cover was the simple noise-
making devices that contributed so
richly to the amazement of the natives.

WEST
(thoughtfully)
Artie, I've just figured out how our
friends here are going to depart, too.

SIMON
Have you, Mr. West? How?

WEST
You couldn't possibly take off in
a balloon--not with twenty-five
hundred pounds of gold dust...

SIMON
A delight to converse with you
gentlemen! Go on...

WEST
...so it will have to be a wagon;
but a wagon that will never be suspected,
stopped or searched for the million
dollar pay-load it carries....

ARTEMUS
(cutting in admiringly)
Of course, Jim! The Glory Wagon of
Hell-fire Simon!

Simon bows low in beaming tribute to his two captives.

SIMON
Congratulations, gentlemen,
now you know all!

WEST
Not quite--was it just luck that
I arrived on the scene a few minutes
before the pie-plate debut?

CONTINUED


Night of the Flying Pie Plate #0302 IV-54
Rev. 8/23/66


82. CONTINUED 82.

SIMON
(chuckling)
Dear me, no! All very carefully
arranged, Mr. West. You see,
originally I had the idea that it
might be valuable having the testimony
of a trusted federal agent that
there actually had been a flying
saucer
...
(bowing to West)
But you showed yourself to be much
too difficult to convince. Pity,
or you wouldn't be in the spot
you're in now.

ARTEMUS
One more question; what about the
force field belt...

SIMON
(smiling proudly)
Oh, that; really quite simple--a
fine wire attached to a harness
under my vest--at the right moment,
two of Victor's muscular boys,
hauled back on it--
(shrugging)
--and the rest is history.
(bowing to each)
Adieu, gentlemen, loud noises
distress me, so you'll forgive
me if I don't linger.

He exits. Alone, West and Artemus exchange significant
looks, then: Artemus jerks his head in the direction of
the watch:

ARTEMUS
Only fourteen minutes before the big
bang; anything on your mind?

West nods and begins the process of working his hands
downwards on the pillar, sinking to his knees as he
does so and continuing to work his hands downward until
they're practically resting on his heels...


Night of the Flying Pie Plate #0302 IV-55
Rev. 8/23/66

83. CLOSE SHOT - HIS HEELS 83.

After one or two abortive efforts, he manages to rap
his heels sharply together--from out of the back of one
of his heels, a gleaming knife blade flashes out into
view--and now he begins the gruelling business of trying
to cut the tightly bound ropes, without cutting his
wrists...

...and suddenly West's hands are free; he extracts the
knife blade from his heels, *****es the ropes from his
ankles, and stands, goes to Artemus and is just starting
to work on his ropes when:

ARTEMUS
(staring off)
Jim! Heads up!

West whirls around as CAMERA ANGLES to show Victor standing
in the doorway, the ugly snub-nosed gun we saw before in
his hand; West slams to the floor the merest fraction of
a second before Victor fires...

84. CLOSE SHOT - ARTEMUS 84.

Over the CL-L-A-A-N-N-GG!! of the bullet striking metal,
we see Artemus shrinking away as much as possible from
the section of the pillar scored by the path of Victor's
bullet, right next to his hands.

85. BACK TO SCENE 85.

West has leaped to his feet, covered the distance between
himself and Victor in a bound, then slams a hard right to
Victor's jaw...

...and the gun is discharged, followed by another
CL-L-A-A-N-N-GG!!!

86. CLOSE SHOT - ARTEMUS 86.

Looking unhappily at another scored section of the pillar--
this time close to his feet.

87. OMIT 87.


Night of the Flying Pie Plate #0302 IV-56
Rev. 8/23/66


88. EXT. PIE-PLATE NIGHT 88.

lighted by the flaring acetylene lights, Jerry and
Calico are seen in the driver's seat of the brilliantly
painted wagon seen earlier with the salvation signs
plastered along its sides. Simon is seen helping Pan,
Alna and Morn up the high step leading into the rear of
the wagon--when he swings around sharply at the SOUNDS
of SHOOTING.

SIMON
(sharply)
Trouble! Get aboard, quick!
(shouting--unconsciously
continuing Hell-fire
Simon characterization)
Calico--Jerry! Go, and stand not
upon the order of thy going!

He leaps onto the high step of the rear, as Jerry slaps
the team of horses with the reins and reaches for the
whip.

JERRY
Haahhh! Get going!

He raises the whip high to lash the horses, when West
catapults out through the up-raised pie-plate door and
in one flying leap lands on the driver's side, hurling
Calico and Jerry to the ground...

89. ANOTHER ANGLE 89.

Simon flips out of the back of the wagon, still carrying
his black book--he reaches into it, extracts the
derringer, then finds Artemus plunging out of the pie-
plate towards him--Simon hurls the empty book at Artemus--
which Artemus dodges, then as he raises the derringer to
fire, Artemus karate chops his arm and the gun goes flying
into the distance...

90. BACK TO WEST 90.

mixing it up with Calico; West chops hard at the wild-
swinging Calico, forcing grunts of pain from the bruiser,
who gives ground before West...

...but now Jerry materializes out of the darkness, and
West just barely dodges the murderous swing that whistles
by his ear, then he counters with a hard hook that he
brings up, and Jerry is hurled back, doubled up from the
smashing blow to his middle...


Night of the Flying Pie Plate #0302 IV-57
Rev. 8/23/66

91. BACK TO ARTEMUS AND SIMON 91.

Artemus and Simon are locked in each other's arms as
they try to break each other's holds, then Simon brings
his knee up sharply, and Artemus staggers back, wincing,
then, unleashing all his reserves, he connects with a
roundhouse swing that catches Simon flush on the jaw,
and Simon staggers drunkenly across the ramp and right
into the pie-plate. Artemus stands there, breathing
hard, when Morn leans out of the covered wagon's interior
and brings a rolled up umbrella down hard on Artemus'
head, with the effect of suddely flipping the umbrella
out into its fully inflated state...

92. INT. PIE-PLATE - NIGHT 92.

Continuous action with previous scene--as Simon staggers
into the pie plate and lands hard against a control
panel--and with a WHINE OF GEARS, the door swings down
and locks shut; Simon shakes his head to clear it, then,
realizing the door is shut, he stabs at the control on
the control panel--but the door remains closed--for one
wild-eyed moment Simon comes face to face with his watch
that he fastened to the pillar, so that West and Artemus
might see the minute hand approaching twelve--and we see
that it is almost there now! Simon grabs up a chair and
starts battering at the closed pie-plate door...

93. BACK TO ARTEMUS - INSIDE COVERED WAGON 93.

Mixing it up with three wild-swinging females, in a tangle
of skirts, legs, and elbows. Morn suddenly comes up with
one of the gas guns seen previously, starts to turn it on
Artemus, who seizes her wrist and rams the gun clean
through the canvas top...

94. SHOT - EXT. WAGON - GUN PROTRUDING THROUGH CANVAS 94.

the gun is discharged, and a great cloud of gas WHOOSHES
out harmlessly into the night air...

95. BACK TO WEST 95.

winding up affairs with coldly brilliant precision;
Calico and Jerry are still on their feet, still forcing
West to divide his attention between them--but now he
suddenly leaps at Calico without warning, drives a
no-nonsense punch hard against his jaw, and Calico is
out on his feet even as he is staggering toward the pie-
plate, against whose surface he winds up, then slides
to the ground...

CONTINUED

Night of the Flying Pie Plate #0302 IV-58
Rev. 8/23/66


95. CONTINUED 95.

...and even as Jerry is leaping at West, involved with
Calico, West hurls himself around to face the charge and
is ready and waiting with a terribly effective left that
thuds into Jerry's middle and drops him, close by Calico's
side. West whirls around, searching:

WEST
Artie! Where are the girls!?

96. SHOT - ARTEMUS IN WAGON 96.

once more involved in a swirl of petticoats, clawing
fingernails, and elbows.

ARTEMUS
Right here, Jim, all thirteen of
them!

97. BACK TO WEST 97.

as he leaps upon the driver's seat, sends the horses
rocketing forward with slapping reins and whip.

WEST
Yaaaahhh!!

98. ANOTHER ANGLE - SHOOTING TOWARD PIE-PLATE 98.

West is urging the horses along, squeezing every ounce
of movement from them, away from the pie-plate, when
there is the long awaited ROAR, and we see the pie-plate
in the BG dissolve in a fearful mass of smoke and debris
that goes boiling up and is lost in the darkness. West
slowly brings the galloping horses to a halt...

99. ANOTHER ANGLE - AT REAR OF WAGON 99.

as Morn lets herself down from the wagon and runs to West,
throwing herself into his arms.

CONTINUED

Night of the Flying Pie Plate #0302 IV-59
Rev. 8/23/66


99. CONTINUED 99.

MORN
Oh, Jim, Jim...!

WEST
You all right, Morn?

She nods, tearfully pressing a kiss to his lips.

WEST
What's your real name, Morn?

MORN
Maggie...

West kisses her again, then, softly:

WEST
You and your sisters are under
arrest, Maggie.

On her expression, torn between happiness and fear,

FADE OUT


END OF ACT IV



Night of the Flying Pie Plate #0302 E-60
Rev. 8/23/66


TAG

FADE IN:

100. EXT. DESERT - FULL SHOT - TRAIN - NIGHT (STOCK) 100.

A brief establishing shot of the Secret Service train
huffing across a night countryside -- preferably desert.

101. INT. PASSENGER CAR - TWO SHOT - NIGHT 101.

West is at a desk, making out a report. Artemus, still
green but not quite so bright a green, is examining himself
gloomily in a mirror. The telegraph key starts up; West
stops working, listens until the key stops.

WEST
That's good. You hear that?

ARTEMUS
Yeah. Maggie got a year, the other
two five to ten -- and Victor ten to
twenty.
(a beat)
It's not enough. Hanging is too good
for somebody who turns another man
green.

West grins at him, says:

WEST
You're lucky. You're gonna be the
most sought-after dinner guest in
Washington. You'll be a sensation.

ARTEMUS
Yeah. Sure.

West realizes his friend is really disturbed. He gets up,
goes to him, says:

WEST
Artie. It'll fade in about three
more days. Maggie told me.

Artemus' face lights up, finally.

ARTEMUS
Honest? You're not just sayin'
that to make me feel better?

CONTINUED

Night of the Flying Pie Plate #0302 E-61
Rev. 8/23/66


101. CONTINUED 101.

WEST
Honest.
(sees something thru
window; stares;
breathes)
Artemus. Look.

ARTEMUS
(looking)
Oh, no.

102. EXT. SKY - LONG SHOT POV - WINDOW MATTE - NIGHT 102.

A bright, round object some distance away goes tearing
across the night sky, disappearing in some mountains.

103. INT. PASSENGER CAR - TWO SHOT - NIGHT 103.

West and Artemus look at each other for a time.

ARTEMUS
All right. We know what you saw
in Morning Glory was just a small
balloon with some flares attached
to it. Now what was that?

WEST
(thoughtfully)
Well, it wasn't that, I'm sure. And
it certainly wasn't a Flying Pie Plate.

ARTEMUS
(strained voice)
I'm glad of that.

WEST
It was more like a Flying Saucer,
I'd say -- wouldn't you?

ARTEMUS
I wouldn't say.
(points to telegraph)
You want to report it on the telegraph,
be my guest.

West merely looks at him. Finally, both begin to grin, and:

FADE OUT.

THE END
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