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nittanyapple
SS senior field agent

USA
8570 Posts

Posted - 11/16/2009 :  17:22:02  Show Profile  Visit nittanyapple's Homepage
The Wild Wild West

“The Night of the Assassin”

PRODUCED BY

Bruce Lansbury


WRITTEN BY

Robert C. Dennis
And
Earl Barret



DIRECTED BY

Alan Crosland, Jr.


GUEST STAR

Robert Loggia
as
Colonel Barbossa


Donald Woods
as
Greswold

Nina Roman
as
Lupita

Nate Esformes
as
Perrico

Carlos Romero
as
The Lieutenant





WITH

Frank Sorrello as Juarez
Phyllis Davis as Lt. Ramirez
Juan Talavera as Soldier 1


AND
Ramon Novarro as Don Tomas


CREATED BY

Michael Garrison


ASSOCIATE PRODUCER

Leonard Katzman


STORY CONSULTANT

Henry Sharp


MUSIC COMPOSED AND CONDUCTED BY

Walter Scharf


DIRECTOR OF PHOTOGRAPHY

Richard L. Rawlings


ASSISTANT TO THE PRODUCER

Joe Kirby


UNIT PRODUCTION MANAGER

Mike Moder




ART DIRECTOR

CRAIG SMITH


SET DECORATION

Raymond Molyneaux


ASSISTANT DIRECTOR

Charles Scott, Jr.


FILM EDITOR

BYRON CHUDNOW, A.C.E.


© MCMLXVII Columbia Broadcasting System, Inc.
All Rights Reserved
Production # 3224-0352
IATSE (bug)
(Seal of Good Practice)

A MICHAEL GARRISON PRODUCTION

In Association with the CBS Television Network
Filmed at
CBS STUDIO CENTER
Studio City, California


TEASER

FADE IN:

1. EXT. Bell TOWER – DAY

The bell tips and begins a steady TOLLING.

1A. EXT. MEXICAN FIESTA DAY SCENE (DAY) (STOCK)

2. EXT. ALLEY – DAY

SOUND OF BELL COMES OVER from a distance. The alley is a narrow, shadowed street between walls with only an occasional doorway breaking the blankness. One of these doors in f.g. opens and a PADRE emerges. Projecting from over the door is a sign shaped like an olla. We don’t see the Padre’s face. CAMERA FOLLOWS him until he turns the corner OUT OF SCENE and then HOLDS on a sign on the building corner: CALLE DE ARTESANO.

3. EXT. PLAZA – DAY

A DETACHMENT OF Mexican soldiers are drawn in formation. They come to attention on a SHOUTED order from a burly LIEUTENANT. SOUND OF CHURCH BELL is closer here.

LIEUTENANT
(commands in Spanish)

4. WIDER ANGLE

The Padre in f.g. his back to CAMERA has paused to look at the soldiers. Now COLONEL ARSENIO BARBOSSA strides into SCENE to inspect the troops.

5. CLOSER – THE COLONEL

A trim, strikingly handsome man with a cruel, patrician face. We sense the soldiers are petrified by him.

6. EXT. CASA CALDERON – DAY

A walled town house overlooking the plaza. The Padre moves along in front of the high wall at a measured pace. We are too far away to tell anything about him except that he’s the same Padre. The CHURCHBELL CONTINUES OVER.

7. INT. CASA STUDY – DAY

This is a large, handsomely furnished second story room with several French windows opening on to a balcony or upper verandah extending across the front of the house. There’s a big grandfather clock and a huge fireplace. A small party is in progress. The host is DON TOMAS, a wealthy Mexican landowner. The guest of honor is PHILIP GRISWOLD, a grayhaired distinguished American diplomat. Also present: TWO YOUNG MEXICAN WOMEN, A DUENNA, JAMES WEST and ARTEMUS GORDON. A servant is circulating with champagne.

7A. CLOSER

as Don Tomas signals for attention.

DON TOMAS
Senores, senoras – and in honor of
our distinguished visitors, ladies
and gentlemen – very shortly now
our President will make his address
in the plaza. Before we adjourn to the
balcony I should like to propose a dual
toast – to Benito Juarez, el presidente
de la republic de Mexico, and to the
ambassador of our friends from the North –
Senor Griswold!

ALL
(appropriate responses)

Griswold, the gray haired distinguished type, bows in acknowledgement as everyone drinks; then West and Artemus rise and turn gravely to the ladies.

ARTEMUS
It has been our pleasure to join in
Many toasts, one more fitting than the
other – but now, at last, the time
has come to exclude the ladies…

The faces of the ladies fall – the others look perplexed.

WEST
…so gentlemen, if we may be
permitted a toast to the greatest
of Mexico’s treasures:

ARTEMUS
Her lovely Senoritas.

The ladies TITTER and cover their faces with their fans to conceal their blushes—the others beam, make the appropriate responses and drink.

8. EXT. CHURCH – DAY

The PADRE is now approaching the church, A PEON in a big sombrero and serape moves out from the shade of the church and offers a folded Mexican blanket to the Padre. He accepts it, nods benevolently at the other and goes on into the church. The Peon saunters away into a passage between the church and the casa wall.

9. INT. CHURCH ROOM – DAY

The door into this small room opens to reveal a SEXTON hauling on the rope to ring the bell. His back is to the door. The Sexton glances around and reacts at what he sees…

9A. HIS POV

The ‘Padre’ is slipping a set of lethal-looking brass knuckles onto his right hand—then, with murderous swiftness he lashes out at the CAMERA.

9B. BACK TO SEXTON

being hurled back by the impact—but as he is flung back the convulsive action of his hand on the bell rope cuases the BELL TO CLANG OUT DISCORDANTLY, during which the ‘PADRE’ has leaped for a spiral staircase leading up (apparently) to the belltower.

9C. EXT. BALCONY – DAY

The CLANGOR of the BELL is STILL REVERBERATING when Don Tomas emerges, followed by West and Griswold. All look off curiously at the (unseen, of course) belltower…

10. EXT. BALCONY – DAY

Don Tomas emerges, followed by West and Griswold.

11. EXT. PLAZA - DAY
A crowd, awaiting Juarez’s arrival, is being held back by the troops.

12. EXT. BELL TOWER – DAY

Close ON THE Padre is crouched beside the bell tower, unrolling the serape and disclosing a series of rifle sections, which he swiftly assembles into an ominous-looking sniper rifle, complete with telescopic; We still don’tsee his face.

13. EXT. PLAZA – DAY

An open carriage rolls into the plaza and halts. Seated in it are JUAREZ and his Minister of the Interior, RAMIREZ. GREAT CHEERING from the crowd. Juarez stands in the carriage.

14. EXT. BALCONY - DAY

The people here APPLAUD too but with more restraint. West reacts to a glint of light which catches the corner of his eye. He turns to look off and up. Puzzled, he takes a small tube from his picket and elongates it so that we realize it’s a telescope. He looks toward belltower through this.

14A. EXT. BELL TOWER – MATTE SHOT – DAY

The Padre’s face is partially concealed by the telescopic sight in his rifle. The part we see is badley scarred. There’s no doubt he’s lined up on Juarez below.

15. EXT. BALCONY - DAY

CLOSE on West—his face set in grim lines as he reacts—then CAMERA PULLS BACK to show his hand leaping instinctively for a holster that isn’t there; a frustrated beat, then he whirls around toward the Casa study.

WEST
Artie! A bottle of beer for Mr. Dooley!

15A. INT.CASA STUDY – DAY

Artemus has just offered his arm to one of the ladies and is moving off toward the balcony when he HEARS the above---his reaction is so instantaneous that is should suggest beyond any doubt that this is a Standard Operation Procedure bit that he and West have used before—he lunges out at the wine bucket nearby, scoops up a bottle and flings it toward West like a ninepin…

15B. BACK TO WEST

as he deftly snares the bottle hurtling toward him, whirls and flings it down, with all his might.

16. EXT. PLAZA – CLOSE SHOT – HORSE’S HOOVES - DAY

The bottle SMASHES on the cobbles right at the horse’s feet. The horses promptly shy.

17. MED. SHOT - JUAREZ

He’s jerked off-balance and sits down abruptly. Simultaneously a RIFLE SHOT rings out. Ramirez is hit. Pandemonium breaks out in the plaza. The crowd scatters – the soldiers try to spot for the sniper.

18. EXT. BELL TOWER - DAY

The Padre is trying to track his target below for a second shot. He FIRES again.

West leaps onto the railing, balancing himself precariously as:

WEST
Off to intercept, Artie!

ARTEMUS
I’ll cover you from below!

Simultaneously, West nods, leaps up and latches on to the roof beam, hangs there for a beat as Artemus turns and races for the stairs—then West draws himself up and onto the roof.

19. SHOT – ON ROOF

At Director’s discretion, a series of SHOTS showing West racing along the tiled roof, heading for the parapet where the sniper still crouches.

20. ANOTHER ANGLE

to include the Peon on top of the wall guarding a six foot ladder extending to the church roof – obviously the assassin’s escape route. West comes into view and charges, the Peon grabs the ladder and swings it to wipe West off the wall. West ducks. They feint at each other.

21. EXT. PLAZA - DAY

The soldiers have zeroed in on the sniper’s location and are FIRING up at the Bell Tower. The Colonel is calmly directing the operation. The carriage is gone.

22. EXT. CHURCH ROOF - DAY

The Padre, chased out of the bell tower, comes sliding over the sloping tiled roof to his escape route. There’s no ladder. He looks down at the wall. West, distracted by possible attack by the Padre, glances away from the Peon who backswings the ladder. It catches West across the shoulders, causing him to lose his balance. He falls. The Padre runs away across the rooftop.

23. ANOTHER ANGLE - WEST

He’s grabbed the top of the wall and hangs from it by his fingertips. The Peon’s feet come INTO SCENE. One heavy boot rises to stamp down on West’s fingers as we (X)

FADE OUT.

ACT 1

FADE IN:

24. EXT. WALL – DAY

Just as the Peon’s boot smashes down, West lets go with one hand and, hanging on by the other, grabs the Peon’s ankle—jerks, and the Peon is carwheeled off the wall on the side West hangs from—

--then West reaches into his inside pocket and comes up with a ping-pong-ball-sized metal sphere that he mashes against the wall (NOTE: this is the chemical leech, last seen in THE GLOWING CORPSE – see Fig. 37), to which it adheres tenaciously, then gripping the handle connected to the sphere by a fine wire, West reels himself downward at a breathtaking rate…

24A. EXT. CASA GARDEN - DAY

…and contacts the ground smartly, his knees buckling from the impact, just as Artie coms running INTO THE SCENE. Artemus nods appreciatively at the long line of wire extending from the chemical leech still adhering to the wall above.

24B. ANOTHER ANGLE

West and Artemus come into view, staring down at the Peon, face down in the shallow fountain, his body draped awkwardly over the low, stone retaining wall in the attitude that is the distinctive property of death alone. Artemus bends down, picks up the Peon’s wrist, obviously testing for a pulse.

ARTEMUS
Poor fellow couldn’t swim –

WEST
(grimly)
--and the phony Padre got away, too.
Nothing left to do but inform the
police.

ARTEMUS
I’m not so sure. Take a look at
his face.

West stoops, peers closely at the dead man’s face.

WEST
(reacting thoughtfully)
An American…Calico Jack!

WILD WILD WEST
#0352 – Assassin
Rev. 5/31/67

24C. CLOSE IN ON ARTEMUS

He is bending over the dead man’s leg. He takes a snap-blade pen knife from his pocket, along with a small sample envelope, and proceeds to scrape a red, clay-like substance from the trouser, which is covered with a pink dust.

ARTEMUS
Not the tidiest of men, either!

24D. AS BEFORE

WEST
Why is an American helping
to assassinate the president
of Mexico?

25. INT. STUDY – CLOSE SHOT – GRISWOLD – DAY

GRISWOLD
All the shots missed President
Juarez. His Minister of the
Interior wasn’t so lucky.
He’s dead.

26. WIDER ANGLE

to include West and Artie.

GRISWOLD
Jim, did you get a good look at
the sniper? Was he an American too?

WEST
I don’t know. He could’ve been.
All I saw was a man in a priest’s
cassock.
GRISWOLD
Then for the moment we must accept
that he was an American. And that,
gentlemen, means we have a critical
problem.

WEST
I don’t see why, sir.

GRISWOLD
Perhaps you’ll understand when I
tell you that my mission here has
been a total failure. Juarez refused
even to appoint a commission to study
the border problem. Two hours later
he’s almost assassinated.

#0352 – Assassin I-8
Rev. 5/31/67

26. CONTINUED

ARTIE
But there’s no connection.

GRISWOLD
We know that. Now how do we
convince the Mexican Government?

ARTIE
Find out who hired the gunmen.

WEST
There’s one man who knows that.

ARTIE
The sniper, yes. We’ve got to
find him before the police do.

WEST
The first movie is to keep the
police from finding Calico
Jack’s body.


ARTIE
I’ll take care of that, Jim.

WEST
Then, I’ll try to get a line on
the sniper…

GRISWOLD
For you to engage in any activity
on Mexican soil violates all the
diplomatic rules in the book! I
can’t permit a mission like this –

27.
& OMIT
28.

29. NEW ANGLE

DON TOMAS hurries gravely through the door.

DON TOMAS
Martial law has been declared.
No one may enter or leave town
until further notice.

West
That could be inconvenient.
#0352 – Assassin I-9
Rev. 5/31/67

29. CONTINUED

DON TOMAS
Consider my house your house
until the emergency is over.

GRISWOLD
You are very gracious. But we have
Mr. West’s private car on the siding –

DON TOMAS
(embarrassed)
Unfortunately, Senor, curfew has been
invoked.Anyone found on the streets
after dark will be arrested – or shot.
There are no exceptions.

GRISWOLD
(he bows)
In that case your generous hospitality
is deeply appreciated.

DON TOMAS
We shall dine at ten. Until then –

He bows and exits. Griswold swings around to West and Artemus.

GRISWOLD
That settles it! Those soldiers
are trigger-happy now. When it
gets dark they’ll be shooting at
everyting that moves—I will not
allow you to risk your lives by
leaving this house!

He turns and stalks from the room. Artemus turns to West with an elaborately straight face.

ARTEMUS
Well, that’s as direct an order as I’ve ever heard.

WEST
What is?

ARTEMUS
What Griswold said—about not allowing us---
(trailing off)
Isn’t that funny? I can’t remember the point he was making.


CONTINUED
#0352 – Assassin I-10
Rev. 5/31/67

29. CONTINUED


WEST
Neither can I. Artie…What was that powder you took
off Calico’s overalls?

ARTEMUS
Turned out to be potter’s clay, Jim

WEST
(moving to the door)
Well, maybe that’s a beginning…

30. EXT. STREET - NIGHT

A squad of four or five soldiers move ominously along the narrow dark steet. They are spread out, rifles at the ready, checking every doorway, every niche, sweeping the street toward a corner.

31. EXT SIDE STREET - NIGHT

For a moment it’s empty and unmoving. Then West materializes from a dark recess and darts silently to another shadowy-niche further along the street. He’s heading toward the corner too.

32. MED. SHOT - PATROL

Nearing the corner.

33. MED. SHOT - WEST

repeating his maneuver which brings him closer to a meeting with the patrol. As he vanishes into a doorway we HEAR the APPROACHING PATROL.

34. CLOSE SHOT - WEST

flattened in his shallow doorway, which is barely deep enough to curtain him. CAMERAL PULLS BACK sharply to include the corner thirty feet away. The patrol comes around the corner toward West’s hiding place.

34A. CLOSE – WEST’S DERRINGER

as it SNAPS from his sleeve.

35. CLOSE SHOT - WEST

He comes up with an odd, elongated bullet, which is striped red, white, and blue, that he places in the business end of the barrel, aims his gun at a forty-five degree angle and FIRES…

#0352 – Assassin I-11
Rev. 5/31/67

36. MED. SHOT - SOLDIER

at the only doorway between the corner and West. He jams his rifle butt into the dark inset and rolls it around, establishing it’s empty.

37. WIDER ANGLE

we see West’s projectile strike the ground; it detonates with WHISTLES AND BANGS. Every member of the patrol reacts, wheeling and FIRING instinctively.

38. OMIT.

39. REVERSE ANGLE

The soldiers, still not aware of the cause of the disturbance, are closing in. West emerges from his doorway and, moving behind the troops, silently makes it to the corner and is gone.

40. EXT. ALLEY - NIGHT

West moves cautiously toward a street at the distant end. As he’s almost to the mouth of the alley he HEARS GALLOPING horses and pins himself against the side of the building. TWO MOUNTED SOLDIERS gallop past, and are gone. West runs to the corner of the building.

41. MED. SHOT – ALONG STREET

The horsemen are disappearing in the distance. West’s head comes INTO SCENE as he peers after them. A beat and then from another alley or doorway beyond West another head sticks out. This is Perrico. As he turns to look in the opposite direction West pulls his head back just in time.

42. ANOTHER ANGLE

Satisfied no one has spotted him Perrico comes out of his nest and hurries across the street to vanish into the continuation of the alley. After a moment West follows the same route. AS he disappears CAMERA PANS up to the sign on the corner of the building. It reads: Called de Artesano.

43. INT. POTTERY WORKSHOP - NIGHT

Shelves of unfinished pottery, work tables, potters wheels, and,
over in a corner, a bunk on which is the dark form of a man. Tossed carelessly over a wooden chair is the Padre’s discarded cassock. SOUND OF KNOCKING. The man on the bunk sits up into moonlight streaming through the window. This is HALVORSEN, the scar-faced Texas gunfighter – when he isn’t posing as a priest.
He crosses to the door.

HALVORSEN
Who’s there?

PERRICO’S VOICE
Perrico – quickly.

Halvorsen admits Perrico, grabbing him angrily.

HALVORSEN
What are you doing here?!? You might have been followed!

PERRICO
Followed? By whom? Not even cats and dogs are out tonight.
Only soldiers –

HALVORSEN
All the more reason to stay clear.

Perrico
But they’re only one street away – and they’re searching from house to house. You must leave.

HALVORSEN
Leave? There’s no place in this town I can go!

Perrico
That’s not my concern, Senor. If you’re caught here I’ll be shot too.


HALVORSEN
What do you want – more blood money?

PERRICO
No, I want to live to spend what I have. Get out, quickly.

HALVORSEN
You double-crossing hyena –

He starts at Perrico who stops him by hastily drawing a gun.

PERRICO
Please, gringo, no names. Just go before I remember you tried to
assassinate El Presidente.

HALVORSEN
All right – all right, amigo. But
If I get out of this alive, I’ll be
back for you.

He goes to the door and out.

44. EXT. ALLEY - NIGHT

The door from which Halvorsen emerges is the same one we saw
him leave earlier as the Padre. It’s marked by the olla-
shaped sign above.

WEST’S VOICE
Buenos noches – Padre.

Halvorsen wheels to face West who moves in to SHOT.

HALVORSEN
What are you talking about? I’m no padre.

WEST
You were for a little while this
afternoon --

Halvorsen throws a punch with no warning, spinning West into
the side of the buiding. Then the sniper runs. West pursues him.

45. ANOTHER ANGLE

West brings Halvorsen down with a flying tackle. The momentum rolls both them [sic] clear of the alley.

46. EXT. STREET - NIGHT

West gets an armlock on Halvorsen who continues to struggle.

WEST
(low)
It’s either me or the soldiers. And
all you’ll get from them is a bullet.

HALVORSEN
Yeah and what do I get from you?

WEST
First some questions.

HALVORSEN
And then?

WEST
That depends on the answers.

HALVORSEN
All right –

47. WIDER ANGLE

to include a lighted window as a WOMAN looks out and SCREAMS to wake the dead.
O.S. SHOUTS AND RUNNING ARMY BOOTS.

WEST
Into the alley – fast!

They run for the alley as soldiers careen around the corner of the first street over. A couple of SHOTS miss as West and Halvorsen vanish into the alley.

48. EXT. ALLEY - NIGHT

They run at full speed along the twisting alley.

49. MED. SHOT - SOLDIERS

racing by in full pursuit. This patrol is commanded by the
burly Lieutenant.

50. CLOSE SHOT - HALVORSEN

running. SOUND OF SHOT.

51. CLOSE SHOT - HALVORSEN

He’s hit by the shot, stumbles and goes down.

52. WIDER ANGLE

Halvorsen sprawls headlong on the alley floor. West is going too fast to stop before he’s around a bend and out of sight. A second later the soldiers pounce on Halvorsen. The Lieutenant charges up.

LIEUTENANT
(bawling)
There were two of them – find the
other one.

Two soldiers push on past and around the turn of the alley.

53. MED. SHOT - WEST

He races up to the CAMERA and stops abruptly, staring ahead.

54. REVERSE ANGLE

showing the alley is a deadend. There’s no place to go. The FOOTSTEPS of the soldiers POUND CLOSER. West leaps for a doorway on the side of the alley. The door is firmly locked. He flattens himself against it and waits to be discovered.

55. MED. SHOT. - SOLDIERS

They approach more slowly now that they see the dead-end ahead.

56. CLOSE SHOT - WEST

The door behind him opens suddenly and he falls back into pitch darkness. The door closes again a moment before a soldier comes INTO SCENE. He checks the door. It’s locked.

57. WIDER ANGLE

The soldiers are joined by the Lieutenant, now carrying a lantern.

LIEUTENANT
Where is he?

SOLDIER
He got away.

LIEUTENANT
You fool. He couldn’t get away –
there’s no place to go.
(points)
Did you look in there?

SOLDIER
No, sir. It’s locked.

LIEUTENANT
Smash it.

One of the soldiers smashes his rifle butt against the door. Once more and it gives way.

58. INT. STOREROOM - NIGHT

as the Lieutenant’s lantern lights up a small dusty room
full of empty crates and boxes. The Lieutenant stares around
as we

FREEZE FRAME

~Apple~
The Apple of Artemus Gordon's eye

nittanyapple
SS senior field agent

USA
8570 Posts

Posted - 11/16/2009 :  17:33:08  Show Profile  Visit nittanyapple's Homepage
ACT II
FADE IN:

59. TWO SHOT – WEST AND LUPITA

They are pressed flat against the wall, behind a pile of crates. LUPITA is an extremely pretty Mexican girl. West has her pinned to the wall, one arm under her shoulders, his free hand holding her free arm. Lantern light spills over on them but the crates conceal them. Lupita takes a sudden breath preparatory to a scream. Being out of free hands, West stops the scream by kissing her.

60. CLOSE SHOT - LIEUNTENANT

Disappointed he turns and exits, slamming the door.

LIEUTENANT’S VOICE

Search the whole street!

SOUNDS OF FOOTSTEPS going away, then everthing is silent again.

61. TWO SHOT

West breaks off the kiss.

West

You’re a good neighbor and it’s
Been great, but I really have to go.
(a little low)
Gracias, senorita.

He turns toward the door.

LUPITA

Senor—

He turns back and she nails him with a full arm slap that
rings his skull.

LUPITA (CONT’D)
For nade.

WEST
I guess this means it’s all over

He grins at her and goes to the door.
CUT TO:
#0352 – Assassin II-18
Rev. 5/31/67

62. OMIT

63. EXT. PLAZA - NIGHT

The command post is quiet, expectant. Everyone is standing up, silently staring across the plaza. The Colonel takes out a sheroot[sic], lights it.

A detail comes into view. It’s the Lieutenant leading four soldiers, who carry a stretcher on which lies Halvorsen. The detail comes on across the plaza until it reaches the command post. The detail lowers the stretcher to the ground.

COLONEL
Is he dead?

LIEUTENANT
No. There’s a bullet in
his right hip, but he’ll
live.

COLONEL

He may live to regret he didn’t die. Form a detachment of thirty men. Escort the
assassin to the prison at
Abalos. And, Lieutenant –

LIEUTENANT

Yes, sir?

COLONEL

If for any reason…any
reason at all…he is not
delivered to Abalos, you
will be.

LIEUTENANT

Yes, sir!
(ad libs order)

The detail bends to the stretcher again, CAMERA MOVING IN on one of the soldiers so that when he straightens up we see it’s Artie in a Mexican army private’s uniform.
DISSOLVE:

64. INT. WEST’S VARNISH - DAY

Griswold is doing his pacing act again, and putting on a very mediocre performance of pretending to be outraged at West disobeying him in sallying forth – but obviously tremendously gratified that he did. Neither he, nor West, engaged in changing his shirt nearby, looks as if they had partaken of the benediction of sleep.

GRISWOLD

Did you talk to him, Jim? Did
he say anything at all?

WEST

We didn’t get that far, sir.

GRISWOLD
It’s – it’s a terrible thing to
be asking -- but – is there any
chance the bullet killed him…?

WEST

No, sir. He was hit in the leg; the
soldiers carried him away on a stretcher
--there was nothing I could do.

Griswold paces even more athletically than before, all the
while slamming his fist into the palm of his other hand.

GRISWOLD

Time is running out—we’ve got
to talk to him…

MEXICAN VOICE

Eet weel be mos’ deeficult, Senors…

65. CAMERA ANGLES to show Artemus entering in Mexican
Soldier garb, which he removes in following scene.

ARTEMUS
(his own voice, now)
The only talking Halvorsen will do
Is to Colonel Arsenic.

WEST

Halvorsen?

ARTEMUS
(nods)
The local constabulary has a pretty
fair dossier on undesirables, Jim.
The boy we’re looking for is Frank
Halvorsen, hard case gunman out of
Abilene.


GRISWOLD

And Colonel – Arsenic?

ARTEMUS

Arsenio Barbossa; he’s the gentleman
directing all the proceedings around
here; and from what I hear in the
plaza nobody refuses to talk to him.
At least not for long.

WEST

Where did they take Halvorsen?

ARTEMUS

Maximum security prison at Abalos.
Incommunicado – not even a lawyer
can see him?

GRISWOLD

I’ll make an official protest to
President Juarez.

WEST

If you see Juarez ask him for a
prison pass.

GRISWOLD

For you?

WEST

No – it’s for Halvorsen’s
father – a fine old Texas gentleman
who doesn’t have long to live.

GRISWOLD

I didn’t know he had a father.

Artie immediately assumes his new characterization (without
Disguise yet0 as Paw Halvorsen.

ARTEMUS

By Godfrey, sir, I resent that.
Certainly my son has a Daddy!




GRISWOLD

(a beat, then, admiringly)
Mr. Halvorsen, my apologies, sir.
DISSOLVE:

66.
THRU OMIT
69.

70. UPPER CORRIDOR – HALVORSEN’S CELL - DAY

Halvorsen is looking through the window, haggard. We HEAR
MUFFLED SCREAMS and Halvorsen reacts. CAMERAL ANGLES DOWN to reveal rotunda below where the Lieotenant is seated at a chair and desk beside a heavy, metal strapped door. His hat is tilted over his eyes and he’s catching a nap. From beyond the door comes a MUFFLED SCREAM. It rouses the Lieutenant. He pushes back his hat and stretches then comes quickly to his feet and attention as the lock RATTLES. The door opens to reveal the Colonel, minus his tunic, and having recently exerted himself.

LIEUTENANT

Did the prisoner confess, sir?

COLONEL
(lighting a well-earned cheroot)
Oh yes. He was very cooperative.
he freely admitted giving shelter
and sanctuary to the American
assassin. We have all the evidence
we’ll need for his execution. Bring
down Halvorsen.

He moves into the room. Two men to carry out the limp
form of Perrico. He’s unconscious.

71. INT. COLNEL’S OFFICE – COLONEL BARBOSSA

CAMERA PULLS BACK and we see a strange mixture of office
Claptrap salted with a large variety of instruments like the
Iron Boot, the Iron Maiden, thumb screws, a blacksmith’s forge (glowing), with a collection of intricately designed irons and instruments nearby, etc…

There is a bowl of nuts and fruit in evidence…and a fishbowl with a lone “OSCAR”…

…and now the door opens and Halvorsen is brought in. The pleasantly smiling Colonel seats himself on a chair delicately upholstered in petit point; Halvorsen is shoved into a plain wooden armchair, and as he makes contact with it, manacles and leg irons SNAP into place.

COLONEL
(puffing at long, thin cigar)
Senor Halvorsen, you and I are
going to have a nice, long,
heart-to-heart talk.

Halvorsen’s mouth opens a couple of times, as if he’s trying to summon enough energy to say something, but the Colonel silences him with an immaculately manicured, upraised hand.

COLONEL (CONT’D)

No, please, Senor, first I will talk,
then you will talk.
(a beat, as he picks
up a walnut)
Let us examine the possibility, to
begin with, that when it comes to
your turn, you will not be in a
mood for conversation…

Here the Colonel picks up a thumbscrew-like instrument
lying on the table nearby—with Halvorsen’s eyes fearfully
following every detail of the other’s movements—places the
walnut in the device and starts turning the threaded handle.

COLONEL (CONT’D)

That happens from time to time, of
course—but in your case, Senor—
(here the walnut CRA-A-ACKS
under the instrument’s
pressure)
--it would be most unfortunate.

72. CLOSE – ON HALVORSEN

we see that he is sweating freely as he reacts.

73. BACK TO SCENE

The Colonel takes time out to munch on the nutmeat that his
instrument has made available. Now, as he takes a peach
from the fruit bowl and runs a set of sensuous fingertips over its skin, almost human in its fine texture.

COLONEL

But let us say, that, in spite
of all our urgings, you still would
prefer not to engage in a friendly
dialogue…

During the above, the Colnel has picked up a scalpel lying
close at hand, and, lovingly, and obviously with the skill of much practice, has proceeded to delicately flay and remove large sections of the peach’s skin…


74. REACTION SHOT - HALVORSEN

Eyes bugging out at what he is witnessing, shaking his
head as if to say, “look,all that isn’t necessary, I’ll
talk!”

75. BACK TO SCENE

The Colonel is still working away with his scalpel, as the
door opens and the Lieutenant enters hesitantly.

COLONEL
In which case, against all my
humane instincts, I would be most
reluctantly forced to…

LIEUTENANT

(blurting it out)
A thousand pardons, Mi Colonel…!

COLONEL

(reacting-harshly)
What is it now?

LIEUTENANT

It is Senor West, Commandant—he
is waiting to see you, with an older
man, also a gringo!

WEST

Mr. West? Show him down here,
Lieutenant.

The Lieutenant exits.

COLONEL (CONT’D)

Now I find that curious…
(to guard)
Take this one back to his cell.

He takes his cigar and stabs the glowing tip into the flayed peach.

COLONEL

(to Halvorsen)
Forgive me if I keep you waiting
a little longer.

The guard exits with a badly frightened Halvorsen.


75A. INT. ROTUNDA – STAIRS

The guard leads Halvorsen up the stairs and toward the cell.
At the top of the stairs the Lieutenant reappears with West and a fine old Texas gentleman with long white hair and a spade beard (Artemus). The three of them proceed downstairs, West and Artie giving Halvorsen nary a sign of recognition.

76. INT. COLONEL’S OFFICE -- DAY

West, Artie, and the Lieutenant enter. Artie swings around to the Colonel, the picture of an indignant Texas father.

ARTEMUS
Now you see her, Cap’n…!

COLONEL
(to West- ignoring
Artemus)
Welcome, Mr. West; I’m Colonel
Arsenio Barbossa.

WEST
(nodding)
I’ve heard of you, Colonel.

COLONEL

I’m flattered. May I return the
compliment? — I have a large
dossier on you. By no means
thorough. You’re a very elusive
man; isn’t he, Lieutenant?

The Lieutenant scowls

ARTEMUS
(exploding)
If I c’n kindly bust through
all this polite chit-chat!

WEST

Colonel, this is Mister Leroy
Halvorsen from Texas.

COLONEL

Halvorsen? Any relation to -- ?

ARTEMUS
(as “Paw Halvorsen”)
His Daddy! I’ve come to fetch
My boy!



COLONEL

Pity; quite impossible.

ARTEMUS

What do you mean, impossible!
I’m here, my boy’s here, and I’m
not walkin’ out of here without him.

COLONEL

Senor Halvorsen, somewhere, somehow,
you have become confused; you are
no longer in Texas. No one is
permitted to visit the prisoner
without a direct order from the
President of Mexico.

West produces a document and extends it to the Colonel.

WEST

As it happens, I brought one along.

The Colonel slowly reaches out for the letter, keeping a
volcanic temper under control only with supreme effort.
Presently he looks up from his reading and smiles coldly.

COLONEL

It seems to be quite in order.
(to Lieutenant)
Mr. Halvorsen may spend fifteen
minutes with his assassin son.

ARTEMUS

Fifteen minutes! You’re a generous
man, Colonel! Someday you must visit
Texas: We’ll give you a whole hour –
to get out again!

The Lieutenant jerks his head toward the door. He starts out with Artie, as the Colonel turns to West.

COLONEL

Mr. West, it appears my dossier
On the assassin Halvorsen is not
thorough either. It states here
that his father was trapped in a
mine cave-in near Las Cruses, New
Mexico on May 3rd, 1857 – and
is presumed dead.


WEST

Not dead, Colonel, just missing.

COLONEL

And they haven’t seen each other
in all those years? It should be
a touching reunion. Now then,
how can I amuse you for fifteen
minutes?

WEST

I’m sure you have more important
Things to do.

COLONEL

More pressing perhaps. Let’s see,
Would you care to read your own
Dossier?

WEST

No thanks. I’ve already lived it.

VOICE
(O.S. shouted order in
Spanish)

COLONEL

Ah, I have it. Step over here,
Please.

He escorts West to the big window.

77. OMIT
THRU
78.

79. EXT. PRISON YEARD – ANGLING DOWN - DAY

A squad escorts Perrico across the yard.

COLONEL’S VOICE

That is the man who provided a
refuge for the Mr. Halvorsen’s
fun-loving son.

80. INT. COLONEL’S OFFICE - DAY

COLONEL

His name is Perrico – a misguided
man but in the end he saw the error
of his ways and confessed.

WEST

They all do, don’t they, Colonel?

COLONEL

You may observe sentence being
carried out. Yes, you’ll have an
excellent view from here.

WEST

You’re very kind. But I think
I’d rather feed the gold fish.

COLONEL
Really? Well, every man to his
own taste. You’ll excuse me,
I know.

He crosses to the door and exits.

81. INT. CELL - DAY

Artie is ushered in. Halvorsen is stretched out on a bunk,
his wounded leg heavily bandaged.

ARTEMUS
(emotionally, in spite
of himself)
Son, what’ve they done t’yuh!?

Halvorsen stares blankly up at Artemus, and we see Artemus
covertly winking at him.

HALVORSEN
(stammering—finally
‘with it’)
Paw!

ARTEMUS
That’s right, boy. And I’m here
to help you, any way I can. You
know that, don’t you? Now I’m
jest gonna set these ol’ bones down…

Artemus is easing himself down on the bunk beside Halvorsen
as the Lieutenant exits from SCENE—and immediately Artemus
segues into:

ARTEMUS
(his real voice)
…and we’ll get down to brass tacks, Halvorsen.

HALVORSEN
(lowers voice)
All right, old man, who in blueblazes are you?

ARTEMUS
I came to make a deal with you.

81A. EXT. PRISON YARD – DAY

Perrico is tied to a stake facing the firing squad. An OFFICER puts a blindfold on him.

82. INT. CELL - DAY

HALVORSEN
Maybe you’re new in theses parts, Mister. Maybe you never head of Colonel Barbossa.

ARTEMUS
I’ve heard of him, all right.

HALVORSEN
Yeah, but you should have seen what he did to Perrico! (he shudders)

SOUND OF VOLLEY from FIRING SQUAD O.S.

HALVORSEN
A man’s better off dead –
(deep breath)
You want to know who hired me?

ARTEMUS
That’s right.

HALVORSEN
All right. I’ll tell you – in Texas. Or I’ll tell Colonel
Barbossa in the torture chamber, whichever comes first.

ARTEMUS
I can promise you the best lawyer in Mexico –

HALVORSEN
(nearly hysterical)
I don’t want a lawyer! A lawyer can’t do me no good in here. I want out. I don’t care how it’s done but you get me out before that butcher goes to work on me.

ARTEMUS
Keep your voice down!

HALVORSEN
(low, intense)
Because I’m going to tallk – to somebody. And when I start saying
names you’ll wish it was to you.

ARTEMUS
What makes you think they’ll believe You, without proof?

HALVORSEN
I’ve got that too. A letter from the Big Man himself – someone wayUp, mister!

ARTEMUS
Who?

HALVORSEN
I’ll tell you – in Texas!

ARTEMUS
And in the matter of the letter…

HALVORSEN
I’ll tell you that – in Texas, too!

The Lieutenant comes into SCENE and outside the bars.

LIEUTENANT
Is time.

Artemus takes a white capsule from his hat band and give it to Halvorsen.

ARTEMUS
Take this. It’ll put you to sleep for eight hours. Even Barbossa can’t torture a sleeping man…

LIEUTENANT (o.s.)
Senor…

WILD WILD WEST
“Assassin” #0352
Rev. 6/1/67

82. CONTINUED

Artemus is instantly his assumed texas-belligerent self again: as he rises and straightens up his old man’s frame.

ARTEMUS
…and don’t you worry none, boy – I’ll have you outta here
if I hafta make a return trip with a passel of our Rangers!

Glaring at the sardonically amused Lieutenant, Artemus moves off to the door…

FLIP TO:

83. EXT. PRISON GATE - DAY

West and Artemus both emerge into freedome and head for
their horses hitched nearby, CAMERA FOLLOWING—then, as
they prepare to mount:

ARTEMUS
…so there it is, Jim; we’ve got to get Halvorsen out of [sic] pokey—
and fast…

WEST
(thoughtfully)
Yeah; this letter Halvorsen
keeps talking about, that
would clean up the whole deal…

ARTEMUS
(wearily)
He certainly doesn’t have it
on him; where could it be?

WEST
(still thoughtful)
Why not start at the most
obvious place…

Artemus looks West over narrowly. They mount up and ride out.

FLIP TO:

84. EXT. ALLEY – CLOSE SHOT – OLLA SIGN - DAY

On building corner: CALLE DE ARTESANO. SOUND OF HOOFBEATS, then West’s and Artemus [sic] heave into sight as they canter up to the front of the Pottery shop in the deserted street. They dismount, secure horses, then quietly move to the entrance of the shop.

84A. ECU – WEST’S HAND

He inserts a key and breaks it off.

85. INT. POTTERY SHOP - DAY

SHOOTING toward the door. We see a spurt of flame surging through the keyhole of the door—then the door opens, disclosing West and Artemus.

86. ANOTHER ANGLE

as West and Artemus start circulating through the shop, examining all the pottery that comes to hand, CAMERA ANGLES to a very large pot nearby—and we SEE a gun come into view then the hand holding it, then the head of the gun’s owner, a peon rises cautiously from the inside of the jar…

87. ANOTHER ANGLE

Another jar—another gun comes into view, followed by the
hand, and then the owner’s face rising from the jar—then,
nearby, the scene is enacted again as the occupant of
another jar comes into view.

88. ANOTHER ANGLE

West and Artemus are still unaware that they are being
ringed by peons holding guns unwaveringly trained on them, as we

FADE OUT:

~Apple~
The Apple of Artemus Gordon's eye
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nittanyapple
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ACT THREE

FADE IN:

89. INT. POTTERY SHOP - DAY

SAME SCENE as before—only, as we watch, West and Artemus, almost simultaneously, become aware that they are being observed…

…and slowly, turning in opposite directions, West and Artemus look up into a collection of gun barrels aimed at them.

ARTEMUS
(to West-confidentially)
Ever get that nagging feeling that
you were being observed from afar?
From around a corner Lupita comes into view, holding a
knife, her eyes flickering angrily at the sight of West.

WEST
Fate keeps throwing us together,
Senorita.
(nodding at the peons)
Don’t your friends know that it isn’t
polite to point?

LUPITA
Senor, let me assure you of three
things; one, the gun [sic] that are
being pointed at you are loaded—
two, my men will not hesitate to
shoot them if you give them cause…

WEST
I can’t wait for number three.

LUPITA
…and three, I find myself less and
less amused at your insolence! Now
stand back—it is the old one I want
to talk to.

ARTEMUS
(bristling)
Now you see here, punkins, I’ll have
a lot more respect outta you, and
darned little of that!

LUPITA
Quiet, Papacita; reply only to my
Questions!

She raises the knife until it is a few inches away from
Artemus neck.

ARTEMUS
So far I ain’t heard none.

LUPITA
I want to know what your sone said
to you.

ARTEMUS
Oh, that – well, he was real anxious
to know about how the new heard was
makin’ out with the grazin’ on the
West forty—
(confidentially)
We got us as fine a bunch of prize
cattle as you’d ever want o…

Lupita flicks the knife down until the blade is pressed
against Artemus’ throat.
LUPITA
Old man, you are very close to
death. We both know why you are
here: tell me where your son hid
the letter!

ARTEMUS
(hastily)
Careful with that toadsticker, little
lady.

Here Artemus throws a fast look at West, as he continues.

ARTEMUS (CONT’D)
...there ain’t no call for you
to go getting’ yourself all upset...

90. ANOTHER ANGLE

West has come to the end of the series of large jars lining
both sides of the aisle, from which Lupita’s gunsels still
maintain their guns-trained-on-West-and-Artemus position.

WEST
...’cause when you get upset, why we
get upset, and there’s no telling what
else might wind up getting upset...

Even before the words are out, West has made a lightning
lunge at the large jar, upsetting it, decanting its
anthropoid contents.

90A. DIRECTOR’S SEQUENCE

...There is a fight...

...and then hard on the heels of that fracas, there is a the
SOUND OF A WHISTLE, and the silence descends upon the place.
The gunsels have fled.

91. ANOTHER ANGLE

As West and Artemus, amid the dust and haze of battle,
with exaggerated caution, emerge from their improvised
bunkers and look over the scene of shattered chaos that
meets their eyes – with never a sign of Lupita and her
gunsel brigade to mar the scene.

ARTEMUS
(as if quoting military
dispatch)
In the face of vastly superior numbers,
the enemy withdrew.
(brightly)
A smashing victory for us, Jim.


WEST
Sure; but just what was it we came
here for in the first place?

ARTEMUS
(soberly, now)
Hmm? Oh, yes, the letter---
(shrugging)
Well, one can’t have everything,
can one?

West kicks out at the debris piled up at every hand, as
he moves down the aisle of what was once the setting for
masses of immaculate pottery.

WEST
Look at all this—if the letter ever
was hidden somewhere around here, how
the devil are we ever going to find
it now, with the place a complete...

He stops, staring OFF; Artemus becomes aware, his eyes
seek out what West is looking at, and we see that he, too,
is alertly interested.

92. ANOTHER ANGLE

As West and Artemus both come up to a framed picture on
the wall.

ARTEMUS
El Presidente Benito Juarez—
(pointing)
recently shifted, wouldn’t you say?

93. CLOSE – ON PICTURE

We see the unsullied section of the wall that was once
covered by the picture—exposed, because now the picture
has obviously been moved over a couple of inches, West
and Artemus both come into view as they stare speculatively
at the picture.

WEST
(touching frame)
Also, someone has gone to the trouble
of nailing the frame to the wall—I
wonder why?

West and Artemus both have knifes [sic] out and are working away
To pry the frame loose from the wall before West has come to the end of his speech...

...then the frame is pried free—and a sheet of paper,
concealed in the back, flutters to the ground. Artemus
stoops to retrieve it, straightens up, scans the letter,
and we see a look of triumph take over.
ARTEMUS
Tim-m-mber! It’s the letter
Halvorsen, Jim!

FLIP TO:
94. INT. WEST’S VARNISH – DAY

Griswold is now seen to be holding the letter and reading
it aloud—with West and Artemus looking on nearby—and,
strangely enough, West’s and Artemus’ faces are reflecting
gloom during the reading.

GRISWOLD
(reading aloud)
“...and for security reasons I have
changed the lock—which is the reason
I enclose the new key. The meeting
will still be this Thursday, midnight,
at which time we will finalize plans
to eliminate Juarez.”
(turning letter over)
That’s all?

WEST
No signature, you’ll notice.

GRISWOLD
But the key the letter mentions...?

ARTEMUS
It wasn’t enclosed.

Now it’s a set—Griswold’s gloomy expression matches West’s
and Artemus’.

GRISWOLD
(despairingly)
No name on the letter—no key—and
who was is [sic] this preposterous female and her gunmen? What’s her connection
with this affair?

WEST
(shrugging)
Outside of the fact that she uses
tangerine lipstick...

ARTEMUS
...and handles a knife with style...

WEST
...we don’t know a thing about her.

Griswold tosses the letter onto the desk.

GRISWOLD
The letter is worthless! We must
get Halvorsen’s testimony!

ARTEMUS
You know his terms, sir—he’ll open
up when he’s assisted out of Colonel
Arsenic’s pokey, and back onto American
soil.

Griswold sinks down into a chair, covering his face with
hands.

GRISWOLD
(muffled-through his
hands)
Well, that is obviously impossible.

WEST
Oh, I wouldn’t say that sir.

Griswold slowly removes his hands from his face and stares
tight-lipped up at West and Artemus.

95.
and OMIT
96.

97. EXT. ROAD – NIGHT

It’s nearly dusk. A wagon plods past headed toward the
prison. Driving the team of ancient horses is a man in
priestly garb. In the wagon bed behind a tarp covers a
coffin the end of which protrudes slightly. The PRIEST
looks ahead and reins up.

98. EXT. PRISON (STOCK) – NIGHT

looming ominously ahead, a gaunt, sinister structure.

99. EXT. ROAD – NIGHT

West crawls out from under the tarp and drops to the road.

WEST
Thanks for the lift, Padre.

PRIEST
Vaya con Dios, gringo.

West grins and trots off into the sagebrush. The Priest,
who is Artie, watches him go then clucks his nags on.
DISSOLVE:

100. EXT. PRISON WALLS – NIGHT

West comes up to the wall – he’s outside – and points
a gadget at the top. He squeezes and a line is shot
upwards.
101. CLOSE SHOT – SPIKE

on top of the wall. At intervals are these deadly-sharp
points designed to discourage wall climbing. The line
snags on the spike.

102. MED. SHOT – WEST

He tests the line and starts to climb the wall. He goes
up out of SCENE.

103. REVERSE ANGLE

As West appears coming over the wall. He stops on top
and recoils the line.

104. EXT. PRISON YARD – NIGHT

An armed sentry comes along the wall, patrolling this
area and not going out of SCENE.

105. CLOSE SHOT – WEST

peering down at Sentry. Then he looks off.

106. MED. SHOT – BUILDING

A corner looms out of the darkness, not too distant from
the walk and a bit lower.

107. CLOSE SHOT – WEST

He has the line ready again and aims it for the building;
FIRES, and the line silently reels out, tautly stretched
between West and the new point on the wall where the piton
is buried.

108. ANOTHER ANGLE

TO INCLUDE the Sentry. West goes trolleying across the
open space to the building over the Sentry’s head. The
man reacts to the SLIGHT NOISE, bringing the rifle around
to ready, but by the time he’s checked all other directions
and looked up it’s too late.

109. EXT. ROOFTOP – NIGHT

West drops off his line to the roof and slips silently away.

110. EXT. PRISON GATE – NIGHT

Artie has driven up and is waiting for the Chief of the
gate guards to come out of the little office.

ARTEMUS
I’ve come for the mortal
remains of Perrico Mendoza.
He pulls a sheaf of permits from his prayer book and hands
it down. The Chief glances at the forms and gestures to
his men.

111. ANOTHER ANGLE

A guard climbs into the wagon and tosses aside the tarp
to fully expose the coffin. He throws back the lid.

112. CLOSE SHOT – COFFIN

It’s empty.

113. TWO SHOT

Artie gives the Chief a weary look. The lid crashes shut
again. The Chief signs the passes and returns them to
Artie. Then h e waves the wagon on. The gates open to
admit it.

CUT TO:
114. EXT. PRISON YARD – NIGHT

West eases along the main building until he reaches a
heavy inset door. He tried it but it’s locked so he
stuffs a plastic explosive substance into the large
keyhole. Then he steps back quickly – right into a
gun barrel.

115. WIDER ANGLE

It’s held by the same sentry who was patrolling the wall.
West slowly raises his hands.

WEST
Tell me, Amigo, which way to
the fiesta?

With that he flops on his stomach just as the plastic goes
off with a silent magnesium flare that totally blinds the
sentry. He covers his eyes belatedly; West rises, waits,
then, as the guard finally removes his hands, with clinical
deftness tinged with regret, West wings over a hard right
to the other’s jaw—the guard collapses in a heap.

115A. ANOTHER ANGLE – AT DOOR

The lock has burned away, we see; West cautiously swings
the door open, lifts the unconscious guard, hauls him in,
and both are swallowed up in the darkness that lies
beyond—

--as CAMERA ANGLES to pick up the Artemus driven wagon as
it RUMBLES along and OUT of SCENE.



116. EXT. PRISON CORRIDOR – NIGHT

West, now in the Guard’s uniform, comes along the cold,
stone corridor to the barred gate. He’s admitted.

117. ROTUNDA – NIGHT

Considerable activity here – guards coming and going.
West works his way across to the stairs and goes up.

118. TOP OF THE STAIRS – NIGHT

West pauses here for a quick check of a handdrawn [sic] map.

119. INSERT: MAP

It’s a plan of the prison, or at least the section through
which Artie passed when he was taken to Halvorsen’s cell
yesterday. The cell is thus identified.

120. BACK TO SCENE

Oriented, West exits from scene.

121. CELL BLOCK – NIGHT

A row of cells, all pitch black inside and each one
identical. West moves from one to another trying to
determine which one contains Halvorsen. No clues.
He consults the map but this doesn’t seem to help.

COLONEL’S VOICE
You – guard! What are you doing?

122. ANOTHER ANGLE

TO INCLUDE the Colonel, gun in hand, approaching from
behind West who keeps his back turned.

COLONEL (CONT’D)
I asked you a question – what
are you doing here? And turn
around when you commanding
officer is...

West turns around. The Colonel stares, and then we see
delighted admiration flood his face.

COLONEL (CONT’D)
Why, it’s Mr. West. You’ve
broken into Abalos – to rescue
your compatriot.

WEST
Visiting hours are over?


COLONEL
Incredible! You’ve performed a feat
of unparalleled brilliance. It’s
quite impossible and yet – there
you are. I will be proud to light
your cigarette – as the final
courtesy before the firing squad.

WEST
But I haven’t even confessed yet.

COLONEL
Oh, that comes later, Mr. West. In
any event, after a few sessions in
my private confessional you will beg
to confess. Turn around – march.

West shrugs, starts to turn, then wheels back and *****es
at the Colonel’s gun arm. He misses. The Colonel leaps
back out of range against the bars of the cell.

COLONEL (CONT’D)
I could easily have killed you. But
why should I be kind to you? First,
the torture chamber –

WEST
Halvorsen -- !

An arm snakes out between the bars and hooks the Colonel
around the neck. West slips in close and deftly relieves
him of his gun. The Colonel is throttled into unconsciousness
and allowed to crumple to the floor, revealing Halvorsen.

WEST
I’m glad to see you weren’t sleeping –
now let’s see about the key to
your cell...

As West bends to search the Colonel:

123. EXT. BLOCKHOUSE – NIGHT

A small stone or adobe structure which serves as a mortuary
and may be so marked. Artemus has backed the wagon up
to the nearest entrance and is supervising two Guards who are about the carry the coffin into the blockhouse. Artemus
reacts to the approach of soldiers.

124. WIDER ANGLE

A detachment of soldiers are following the Lieutenant
and the Sentry who is in his underwear – having lost
his uniform to West. As they pass the wagon, the
Lieutenant gestures to the two guards.


LIEUTENANT
You men – fall in!

The Two hastily leave the coffin teetering half off the
wagon and hurry after the detachment. Artemus supports
the free end. It’s heavy. While he’s straining with it
West comes around the corner of the blockhouse,
supporting Halvorsen whose wounded leg is useless.

ARTEMUS
Jim – lend a hand! This thing’s
heavy.

West lets Halvorsen support himself on the blockhouse and
hurries to assist Artemus.

WEST
It’ll be heavier going out.

125. INT. BLOCKHOUSE – NIGHT

A door on two sawhorses contains the blanket-covered
remains of Perrico. West and Artemus get the coffin
in. Halvorsen struggles in behind them.

HALVORSEN
(looking around
fearfully)
I don’t know why I’m going along with
this—we’ll never be able to pull it
off!

ARTEMUS
Come, come, Halvorsen, faint heart
ne’er won fair lady...

HALVORSEN
And the wall – with my leg, how’m
I gonna climb it?

WEST
(opens coffin)
You just get in—I’ll do the
climbing.

HALVORSEN
What?

ARTEMUS
Get in the box.

HALVORSEN
Oh, no! That cell was small enough;
I’m not getting into no box!

WEST
Which do you want—the box or the
Colonel’s confessional?

HALVORSEN
I’ll suffocate! If you wanta know
who hired me, get me out some other
way –

WEST
Behind you!

Halvorsen starts to turn around as West’s fist smacks
Halvorsen on the jaw knocking him cold. West catches
Halvorsen and steers his fall into the coffin. Artemus
closes the lid and screws down a clamp to hold it.

ARTEMUS
I’ll off-load it in that dry was
and lay a false trail with the horse
and wagon. You’d better get there as
soon as you can to let him out.

WEST
How long do you think he can live
in there?

ARTEMUS
(looks coffin over
appraisingly)
Half and [sic] hour, anyway – if he doesn’t
panic. Will you be a pall-bearer?

They lug the heavy coffin outside.

FLIP TO:

126. EXT. PRISON YARD – NIGHT

Artemus with sorrowful mien, clucks his horses toward
the gates looming up ahead—the wagon passes along, and
we see that the loaded coffin is aboard, and covered
with a tarp.

127. INT. CELL BLOCK – NIGHT

The Colonel stirs and comes to. He has to grab the bars
of the cell to pull himself to his feet, then he staggers
away, clutching at his throat.

128. EXT. PRISON COURTYARD-NIGHT

The Colonel staggers into view from a door, breathing
heavily, drinking in the fresh air, when he starts,
transfixed as CAMERA ANGLES to show West raising himself
on a rope. The Colonel instinctively reaches for his
holster—and realizes that he has been relieved of it—
then he opens his mouth to yell for a guard…

…and West, swaying helplessly from a rope, a sitting
duck for all the rifles and guns that can be brought to
bear on him, tenses for an extraordinary effort to get
out of his fix…

…then realizes that Colonel Barbossa’s voice has
deserted him, as a result of Halvorsen’s throttling; the
Colonel is trying to shout up a storm, but a WHISPERED
RATTLE is all that emerges; abeat, then West flips off a
Salute at the Colonel and continues his climb to freedom.
HOLD ON the convulsed Colonel, impotently trying to be
Heard, as we:

FADE OUT:

~Apple~
The Apple of Artemus Gordon's eye
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nittanyapple
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ACT IV

FADE IN:

131.
& OMIT
132.

133. EXT. TRACK – CLOSE SHOT – COFFIN – NIGHT

on the wagon as it bumps slowly along a rough dirt track
and into a dry wash. There it stops and Artemus (most of
the priest’s disguise is gone) comes back into SCENE and
starts muscling the box off, then Artie reacts by letting the
coffin fall with a bone-jarring THUD to the dust ground as
he HEARS:

133A. SHOT – STEAM WHISTLE –(STOCK) – NIGHT

furiously SOUNDING OFF.

133B. SHOT – PRISON COURTYARD – (STOCK) – NIGHT

showing prison personnel galvanized into activity, while
the WHISTLE CONTINUES to SOUND OFF.

FLIP TO:

134. EXT. OPEN COUNTRY - NIGHT

For a moment, nothing except scrub, and the wailing o.s.
STEAM WHISTLE. Then out of the darkness comes West at full
tilt, now dressed in his own wardrobe. When he reaches
foreground he pauses briefly to catch his breath and look
back. Then he runs out of SCENE.

135. EXT. DRY WASH - NIGHT

The coffin lies on the ground. Ruts show where the wagon
had been but it’s gone now. West appears in b.g. and reaces
up to the coffin. He sits on it for a moment, to get his breath.
The whistle continues to inform the countryside of the
escape. Now West begins to unfasten the clamps holding the
lid of the coffin.

136. REVERSE ANGLE - WEST

from coffin as the lid opens to reveal him looking down.
He reacts as if perhaps Halvorsen had suffocated there.

137. CLOSE SHOT - ARTEMUS

in the box, bound and gagged. He makes strangled NOISES
until West starts to remove the gag.

WEST
Artie, how the devil did you
get in there?

West cuts him loose during:

ARTEMUS
Lupita and her powerful peons!

WEST
Not again.

ARTIE
Again. I hate to say it, but I’m
working up a violent dislike of
that hot tamale.

WEST
Did Halvorsen go with her?

ARTEMUS
Not willingly; he had no choice.
But I’m sure he’d never seen her
before.

Artie is free and out now.

WEST
And we’ll never see him again.

ARTEMUS
Doesn’t matter much. After all
this--he doesn’t know who hired
him.

WEST
Come on, Artie!

ARTEMUS
He was looking down my gun barrel
when he swore the man who hired
him sat in the shadows and never
once showed his face. Incidentally,
the fee for killing Juarez was ten
thousand dollars.

WEST
Not in advance?

ARTEMUS
No. Halvorsen was to go to
the place where he was hired.

WEST
Where’s that?

ARTEMUS
We hadn’t gotten that far.

WEST
Did you get the key?

ARTEMUS
(shakes his head)
But I know where it is. He was
just telling me when Lupita
and her pushy peons bushwacked
me.

WEST
Come on. He’ll tell her the
same thing so let’s get to the
key first.
CUT TO:

138. EXT. ALLEY - CLOSE SHOT - STREET SIGN - NIGHT

ON building: Calle de Artesanos. CAMERA PANS DOWN to
Lupita entering the alley. She goes down to the olla-
shaped sign and enters. She’s changed from her peasant
woman’s rags to a riding costume.

139. INT. POTTERY SHOP - NIGHT

Shards of broken pots still lie around evidence of the battle
there. Lupita lights a lamp, and then goes to the work table.

140. CLOSE SHOT - CLAY

A lump of potters clay: Lupipta picks it up and breaks it
in her fingers until it’s thoroughly crumbled.

141. WIDER ANGLE

Lupita shows annoyance and suspicion. She searches the
table for another lump of clay and finds one. As she starts
to demolish this one a hand reaches over her shoulder dangling the key in front of her.
WEST’S VOICE
This what you’re looking for?

ANGLE WIDENS to include West. The key is a plain two-inch
long door key.

LUPITA
(coolly)[sic]
Yes, that’s it. May I have it,
please?

She turns as she speaks and has a derringer pointed at West’s
navel.

WEST
In that case, I’m prepared to
bargain. What are you offering?

LUPITA
The whereabouts of your friend,
Mr. Artemus Gordon.

ARTEMUS’ VOICE
He’s over here.

WEST
And pointing a gun at you.

She peeks over her shoulder.

142. ANOTHER ANGLE

Artemus has the drop on her. Lupita shrugs and pockets her
gun.

LUPITA
Looks like a Yankee standoff.

ARTEMUS
Yes, it does, doesn’t it--would
you care to start the conversation,
Senorita?

LUPITA
I’m Colonel Lupita Quesada--of the
Guardia Federal, the Mexican secret
service…I must insist you turn
that key over to me.

WEST
Why don’t we bargain?

LUPITA
What do you want?

WEST
The name of the man who plotted
the assassination.

LUPITA
(a beat)
Halvorsen didn’t know. The meeting
took place in the house of a third
party. The conspirator remained
always in the shadows. He never
revealed his identity to Halvorsen.

WEST
That’s what Halvorsen says.

“Assassin” #0352
Rev. 6/1/67

142. CONTINUED

LUPITA
(coldly)
I made certain he told the truth.

WEST
I’ll bet you did.

ARTEMUS
Where have you got him?

LUPITA
My men have him?

WEST
Halvorsen told you what lock this
fits, didn’t he?

LUPITA
Yes.

WEST
Then tell us.

LUPITA
No. I’ll show you.

West and Artemus exchange glances, then:

WEST
You’ve got a bargain.

They exit.

143. EXT. WALL - NIGHT

The street is deserted and silent. West, Artemus and
Lupita come along a high stuccoed wall until they reach
an unobtrusive door set into the wall. West looks at
Lupita who nods briefly. He tried the key. The door opens.
ARTEMUS
Go on in, Jim--the Colonel and
I will cover your flanks.

LUPITA
We’ll give you five minutes,
Senor…

West slips quietly through the door.

143A. SUBTERRANEAN TUNNEL (STOCK - “DEADLY BUBBLE”)

West makes his way with caution to a grated door and
enters therein.

144. INT. SECRET STAIRS - NIGHT

It spirals up into darkness. West vanishes up it.

145. MED. SHOT

West is confronted by a small door. MUFFLED O.S. CHIMING
OF CLOCK. He pushes on door.

146. INT. CASA STUDY - CLOSE SHOT - GRANDFATHER’S CLOCK - NIGHT

It’s chiming midnight. Now it swings away from wall
revealing a narrow opening behind it, and West in the
opening. He comes into the room.

147. WIDER ANGLE

to include Don Tomas seated calmly, glass in hand, an
open book on his lap.

DON TOMAS
You know, Mr. West, that secret
staircase dates back to the
Conquistadores.

WEST
Is that so? I had no idea the
house was that old.

DON TOMAS
Oh yes. It was built over two
hundred fifty years ago. I’ve
tried to keep it in it’s original
form.

WEST
I can see how an escape route
might be useful - in your line
of work.

DON TOMAS
My line --?
WEST
Assassinations. You did hire
Halvorsen to kill Juarez, didn’t
you?

DON TOMAS
No, no, Mr. West. I am not
ambitious nor active enough for
that role. My only contribution
to the conspiracy was to bring
certain people together. Halvorsen
for one.

WEST
And the man who stayed in the
shadows? Who is he, Don Tomas?

DON TOMAS
I’d rather not divulge that. If
he chooses to reveal himself that’s
a different matter.

He’s staring toward the balcony. West turns his head for
a look.

148. CLOSE SHOTE - HAND

protruding through the open window. It’s holding a gun.
The rest of the man is totally concealed in the darkness
of the balcony.

149. BACK TO SCENE

West turns back to face to Don Tomas.

WEST
I’d like to meet your friend.

DON TOMAS
(amused)
I’m quite sure you have, more than
once. The question now is what
will come of this meeting?

WEST
One of us isn’t going to live to
tell about it?
(over his shoulder)
Am I right?

150. CLOSE SHOT - HAND

The gun raises slightly.

MAN’S VOICE
(a hoarse whisper)
Dead right, Mr. West.
The man comes into the lighted room. It’s Colonel
Barbossa. His vocal cords haven’t recovered; he talks
with a rasping effort.

WEST
Colonel Arsenic.
(as the Colonel
reacts, affronted)
Sorry, Colonel. I thought you
knew what your friends and
admirers called you.

COLONEL
I should have shot you in the
back. But I couldn’t resist
the urge to watch the look of
astonishment on your face. And
now you’ve disappointed me.

WEST
You’ll get over it.

COLONEL
Your nerves really are very good.
It must be that. I won’t believe
you knew it was I.

DON TOMAS
I shouldn’t underestimate him,
Colonel. Remember he rescued a
man from your maximum security
prison tonight.

COLONEL
Where is he? Where’s Halvorsen?

WEST
Couldn’t tell you. He got away
from me too.

COLONEL
You’ll tell me, Mr. West. Long
before I’m done with you, you’ll
tell me things even I don’t want
to know.

WEST
I’ll tell you something for your
own good. Mexican security men
have this house surrounded. Front
door, back door and secret door.

DON TOMAS
(a beat, then--worried)
Can this be true, Colonel?


COLONEL
Impossible. No one suspects me.

WEST
Why everybody knows you want to
be president. But you only get one
shot at the job, and you’ve had that--

West suddenly kicks at the Colonel’s wrist, knocking
the gun flying.

COLONEL
Lieutenant--!

The Lieutenant and two men step in from the balcony.

151. ANOTHER ANGLE -

Three more soldiers enter through the door.

COLONEL (CONT’D)
These are my security me.
Where are yours?

ARTEMUS’ VOICE
Right here, Colonel Arsenic.

CAMERA WHIPS over to the clock which is swung out again
to reveal Artemus. West dives at the Colonel. The
Lieutenant goes to his aid and is blindsided by Artemus.
The soldiers pitch in to assist both officers and
they are in turn attacked by Lupita with flying object [sic}.

152. ANOTHER ANGLE -

The Colonel withdraws from combat and watches his men
try to subdue the threesome. They aren’t doing very
well. It’s soon obvious that a retreat is in order
and the Colonel executes one -- through the window
onto the balcony.

153. TWO SHOT - WEST AND LIEUTENANT

West sees the Colonel’s exit and executes a violent move
to flatten the lieutenant. Then he runs to the window.

154. EXT. BALCONY - NIGHT

The Colonel swings off the balcony and out of SCENE. A
beat later West charges out. A SHOT zings past his head.

155. EXT. BALCONY - NIGHT

The Colonel is on the wall, FIRING at West.

156. EXT. BALCONY - NIGHT

West is preparing to go onto the wall after him when a
SHOT is heard and the Colonel crumples and falls to the
garden below. West turns to see…

157. TWO SHOT - INCLUDING LUPITA

Her gun is smoking.

LUPITA
We do our own housecleaning, Mr. West.

She smiles and takes his arm. As they exit into library.

FADE OUT:

WILD WILD WEST
“ASSASSIN” - #0352
6/1/67

FADE IN:

158. INT. WEST’S VARNISH - NIGHT

West, Artemus and Lupita are all elegantly dressed in
dinner clothes; at the moment West and Artemus are vying
with each other to overwhelm Lupita with attention;
Artemus bows deeply as he presents her with one perfect
rose…

…West extends a wine glass with a flouris…

…Artemus fills it from a long thin wine bottle with an
equally elegant flourish; then, as all raise glasses high:

ARTEMUS
A toast!

WEST
Good idea, Artie.
(to Lupita)
To the memory of our first meeting
when I kissed you.

LUPITA
(smilingly sips, then: )
As I recall. I followed that up
by slapping you.

WEST
True; but the memory of the first
overwhelms the second.

ARTEMUS
(wistfully)
No memories for old Artie…

Lupita beckons to him--Artemus bends down and exchanges a
kiss with her--then, as they separate, she follows this
up by slapping him smartly.

ARTEMUS (CONT’D)
(briskly)
I feel much better. Now let’s go
on to dinner, shall we?
(as Lupita rises)
You don’t mind our party being
just a threesome, do you?

LUPITA
Of course not--since my bodyguard
will make it a foursome.

West and Artemus exchange dismayed glances.

WEST
Your bodyguard? Here?

LUPITA
(placidly)
Waiting outside. Lieutenant Ramirez
attends me everywhere I go.

ARTEMUS
But sure [sic], on this festive occasion,
you can break that rule?

LUPITA
Dear Artemus, I wouldn’t dream of it.
(calling out)
Lieutenant…

West and Artemus exchange resignedly unhappy looks, then,
as their attention is attracted off, they both react…

…as LIEUTENANT RAMIREZ, a stunningly beautiful young
lady enters and salutes Lupita smartly. A stunned beat,
then Artemus extends his arm to Lupita, and an admiring
West salutes Lieutenant Ramirez and extends his arm to
her. Then as both couples move off to the door:

WEST
After all, Artie, what’s wrong
with taking a lonesome soldier
to dinner, eh?

On the party moving happily off.
FADE OUT:


~Apple~
The Apple of Artemus Gordon's eye
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