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California gal
SS senior field agent

USA
8378 Posts

Posted - 12/01/2009 :  15:48:21  Show Profile
GARRISON PRODUCTIONS
CBS-TV



THE WILD WILD WEST


“THE NIGHT OF THE BOTTOMLESS PIT”

by

Ken Kolb







FINAL DRAFT
#0312
AUGUST 2 1966









THE WILD WILD WEST


“THE NIGHT OF THE BOTTOMLESS PIT”

EXECUTIVE PRODUCER
MICHAEL GARRISON

PRODUCER
BRUCE LANSBURY

ASSOCIATE PRODUCER
LEONARD KATZMAN

STORY CONSULTANT
HENRY SHARP

WRITTEN BY
KEN KOLB

SETS:

EXT. DOCKSIDE
EXT. PRISON QUADRANGLE
INT. ADMINISTRATION BUILDING CORRIDOR
INT. COMMANDANT’S OUTER OFFICE
EXT. ROAD
INT. THE PIT
INT. ‘CHAMBER OF TOGETHERNESS’
INT. SECRET CORRIDOR
INT. CAMILLE’S BEDROOM
EXT. JUNGLE
INT. TRAIN
EXT. NATIVE QUARTER
INT. NATIVE CURIO SHOP

CAST

JAMES WEST – ROBERT CONRAD
ARTEMUS GORDON – ROSS MARTIN
GUSTAVE MAUVAIS
LE COCHON
HENRI COUTEAU
GUARD
GUARD A
GUARD B
CAMILLE MAUVAIS
LIME
VINCENT REED
LE FOU
ORIENTAL
SENEGALESE
NATIVE BOY
MRS. GRIMES

SILENT:

GUARDS
PRISONERS
NATIVE WOMAN
GENTLEMAN
BLIND BEGGARMAN

TEASER

FADE IN:

1. On a far-off SHOT of an island. HOLD, the PULL BACK until a large sign supported on a standard comes into focus; the sign reads (duplicated in French and English) “EMBARKATION—DEVIL’S ISLAND”…

… CAMERA ANGLES to show that we have been viewing Devil’s Island from the vantage point of:

2. EXT. DOCKSIDE SCENE – NIGHT

Palm trees, silhouetted against the night sky form the background of a deserted dock area, with a couple of corrugated iron shacks nearby, a litter of barrels, crates, piles of rope, etc. CAMERA MOVES to show a long boat moored to the dock, bobbing in the swell, and now we see lolling at his ease in the stern, a GUARD, unshaven, the stand-up collar of his khaki tunic unbuttoned, mat matching the equally unkempt condition of the rest of his uniform. As we HOLD on guard we HEAR, FAINTLY at first, then GROWING LOUDER, PLEASANT TINKLING, JANGLING SOUNDS: CAMERA ANGLES…

3. ANOTHER ANGLE

… to show a group of SIX PRISONERS approaching the dock, marching in ragged unison, with one equally unkempt guard sheepdogging them, a rifle in his hands. The TINKLING, JANGLING sounds proceed from the chain manacles that bind the prisoner’s wrists and ankles. As we watch, one of the prisoners, slips, falls, then scrambles to his feet again.

4. ANOTHER ANGLE – AT DOCK

as Guard #1 steps from boat to dock to wave an indolent greeting to Guard #2 who comes up to him, yawning. He produces a sheet of paper from an inside pocket and hands it to his colleague. As Guard #1, bored, obviously going through the motions of an old, dull routine, starts checking names on the list he has been handed against the list of his own…

Rev. 7/28/66

… CAMERA LEAVES the guards and moves to the nearby group of prisoners who have halted and are waiting at the edge of the dock. CAMERA examines each one briefly, then moves on, until it arrives at the last—an ATTRACTIVE, SENSITIVE-LOOKING MAN, unlike all the others. (He is HENRI COUTEAU). CAMERA HOLDS on Couteau, then moves down the length of his body, coming to rest at his ankle, from which position we can see the ocean’s water lapping against the piling of the low dock…

… and now we see a pair of manacles hands rising out of the water; one hand grasps the edge of the dock, the other reaches up, grab’s Couteau’s trouser leg and yanks—and, with a STARTLING CRY, Couteau topples over and plunges into the water.

5. ANOTHER ANGLE

Both guards are galvanized into furious activity; one clubs the startled prisoners away from the dock from which Couteau plunged, the other trains his rifle on the water…

… then whips the gun into an aiming position as Couteau suddenly bobs to the surface, his manacled hands flailing in the air as he cries:

COUTEAU
Help!

The guard (reluctantly, we can see) stays his rifle finger at the last moment, puts his gun down, extends a hand and hauls Couteau onto the dock—then suddenly brings his rifle butt down hard, sending the dripping figure slamming to the ground.

GUARD
You like to swim, eh?

COUTEAU
(muffled)
I slipped.

GUARD
Contrive not to slip again, if you know what is good for you!

He yanks Couteau roughly to his feet and walks away. CAMERA MOVES IN to a CLOSE SHOT of Couteau, running a hand through his hair, only now we see that it is no longer Couteau—it is JAMES WEST, a small, guarded smile of triumph curving his lips.

6. ANOTHER ANGLE

showing the line of prisoners being herded into the long boat, with the dripping figure of West bringing up the rear. The prisoners pick up oars and start pulling away from the dock, the guards seated at stern and prow, rifles at the ready. As boat moves out of view, CAMERA ANGLES…

… then MOVES DOWN and TRAVELS across the length of the dock – until it stops and MOVES IN to a…

7. CLOSE SHOT – UNDER THE DOCK

of two men, only their heads bobbing above the water as they cling to pilings; one, we see is ARTEMUS (suitably dressed for the occasion in what looks to be a skindivers suit) and, as he removes his hand that has been cupped over the other’s mouth (obviously to forestall any startled outcry) we see that the other is the real Henri Couteau—eyes wide with bewilderment as he stares off after the (unseen) departing longboat.

ARTEMUS
Keep it nice and low, Monsieur Couteau.

COUTEAU
But—I don’t understand!
(pointing off at boat)
He’s allowing them to transport him to Devil’s Island?

ARTEMUS
Yes. So far, so good.

COUTEAU
But why? Why would he want to spend twenty years in that hell?

ARTEMUS
(shrugging)
Let’s call it a whim, shall we?

FADE OUT

END TEASER

Rev. 8/2/66
FADE IN:

8. EXT. PRISON QUADRANGLE – DAY

CAMERA MOVES over the area, past work parties of prisoners being herded along by the usual unkempt guards—past the administration building, pat the guard’s barracks, the cell block, the massive gates set in the high wall—during which CREDITS and TITLES will be show…

… then on to a LINE OF PRISONERS, among whom we see West; he, like all the others is staring off, fascinatedly—and CAMERA ANGLES, then moves up a gallows-like platform to show the apparatus that all are staring at…

8A. CLOSE SHOT – THE GILLOTINE

A GUARD is making final adjustments to the release mechanism—then as we watch, he pulls the release cord and the gleaming, slant-edged blade flashes down with a THUNK! and a decapitated head rolls into the wicker tray that has been set up to receive it…

… only now, as CAMERA MOVES IN, we see that the decapitated head is that of a manikin. Obviously, this is just a dry run.

8B. BACK TO WEST AND OTHER PRISONERS

as another GUARD appears and roughly shoves the line into movement, and now we see that the line of prisoners is moving past a checkpoint where two guards stand. Guard A, checking off names on a clipboard—Guard B unlocking manacles and tossing them on a pile of other manacles. As a freshly de-manacled PRISONER is waved off and limps out of view, ANOTHER PRISONER steps into place at the checkpoint. Guard A roughly yanks at the man’s dogtag, glances at it, then:

GUARD A
Emile Krulak

(during the following, Guard A is unlocking and removing manacles from the prisoner’s wrists and ankles)

GUARD B
(checking off name)
Emile Krulak; to the road gang.
(as prisoner starts to limp away)
Now, then, look alive;

The man limps hastily out of view.

8C. INT. CAMILLE’S BEDROOM – DAY

CLOSE ON MRS. GRIMES, an Elsa Lanchester type Englishwoman of mature years, pins in her mouth, working away on the hem of a garment, as CAMERA PULLS BACK… then TRAVELS UP…

… and we see that the hem is part of an elegant gown being fitted to CAMILLE, an almost over-ripe, too-voluptuous young lady of 25, who is seen to be standing on a stool, looking with sulky, unenthusiastic expression at her reflection in a large mirror nearby. She turns and glances casually out, through shuttered window close at hand, and we see her react, obviously interested…

8D. HER POV

West, standing in the checkpoint line, gazing off at the guillotine.

8E. BACK TO CAMILLE

still staring out of the window—but no longer wearing a sulky, unenthusiastic expression—instead, her lips part and an almost dreamy smile animates her as she watches West…

… and it is that this time that Mrs. Grimes finishes here pinning, stands up with a primly satisfied expression, then becomes aware that Camille’s attention is very much taken. She follows Camille’s eyes and joins her in staring out of the window at:

8F. POV – WEST

as he steps into the checkpoint position, where Guard A yanks his dogtag into a readable position.

GUARD A
Henry Couteau

He bends to unlock and remove West’s ankle manacles as Guard B drones on boredly, checking off name on list.

GUARD B
Henry Couteau; to the –
(reacting)
— the Commandant!
(looks West over incredulously)
What would the commandant want with vermin like you?

WEST
(shrugging)
To join him in a cup of mint tea and a watercress sandwich, I suppose…

The two guards exchange swift, outraged glances at West’s lighthearted temerity, then (with a deftness and dispatch that indicates that they have done this many time before) Guard A pins West’s arms from behind while Guard B draws back his massive arm preparatory to smashing his fist into West’s face.

WEST (CONT'D)
… and to make my usual undercover report on the inefficiency of the prison personnel!

Guard B’s arm freezes in mid-air as he stares uncertainly at West—this unkempt prisoner is just tempting fate with his suicidal sense of humor, of course—and yet, as West’s cold, unflinching eyes bore into his, the guard falters and drops his arm, laughing weakly as if the whole thing was just a joke. To Guard A, still pinning West’s arms from behind:

GUARD B
(indignantly)
Alors, mutton-brain, release the man!
(to West—ingratiatingly)
I, myself, will conduct you to the Commandant.

WEST
(curtly)
That’s more like it.
(to Guard A—extending his manacled hands)
You: look alive!

GUARD A
(hurriedly unlocking manacles)
At once, Monsieur!

West takes his unlocked manacles, tosses them contemptuously to the ground, then turns with studied nonchalance and strolls after Guard B as he starts leading the way toward the administration building.


8G. BACK TO CAMILLE

as she turns away from the window, wearing her dreamy expression—then turns her attention to her reflection in the mirror—considers it, then impulsively rips off a layer of lace on the bodice; her neckline is now a plunging neckline, and from her expression Camille approves. On Mrs. Grimes’ shocked expression,

FLIP TO:

10. INT. COMMANDANT’S OUTER OFFICE – DAY

CLOSE, on doorway as a guard swings door open and West steps through the doorway and looks around distastefully at the grimy, empty office that is now seen—barred windows, a splintered desk, a bench and a couple of chairs…

… and, as the opened door is swung shut by the admitting guard, we also see disclosed a formidably huge bulky guard, in the room, arms akimbo, staring down at West. (He is LE COCHON.) West turns and reacts appropriately at the sight of the massive figure at his elbow.

WEST
(pins on an affable smile)
How do you do, Commandant. Nice place you have here.

LE COCHON
(plucking at West’s tunic)
Take it off.

West looks at him, puzzled, then, with a speed spectacular in one so huge, Le Cochon’s ham-like hand flashes out, grabs West’s tunic and rips it right of his back in one irresistible lunge; West, bare to the waist, instinctively goes into a fighter’s crouch, hands balled into fists—but Le Cochon disregards him, picks another tunic from the nearby desk and tosses it to West.

LE COCHON (CONT'D)
Get into that.

Now we see that the tunic West has been tossed is newly laundered, immaculate. West relaxes as he sniffs happily at it, then:

WEST
Thanks, Commandant, it’s a definite improvement.
(as he buttons tunic)
Now how about some hot water, soap, a razor and…

West never finishes the sentence as another of Le Cochon’s ham-like hands flashes out, seizes West’s shoulder and swivels him around with tooth-rattling violence, forcing him to face the one completely blank wall in the office…

… which silently, smoothly slides open as we watch—to disclose an immaculate, sumptuously furnished office extending beyond; velour drapes framing the windows, thick rugs gracing the floor, a gild and ivory desk fit for a Maharaja—and seated at the elegant desk, his back turned to us, a starchy white-uniformed, lean figure meets our eyes; we HOLD for a long beat on this…

… then the lean-, white-uniformed figure swivels around in his chair and we are looking at a thin-faced embodiment of evil in the person of GUSTAVE MAUVAISE—BUT note the operative clause that describes Gustave Mauvais—it is “fastidiousness”; his evil is inescapably tied in with a compulsive cleanliness—with a horror of dirt of any kind that borders on the psychotic, as we shall see.

MAUVAIS
(thoughtfully surveying West)
Odd, I imagined you’d be older-looking, Monsieur Couteau.

WEST
(shrugging apologetically)
Sorry to disappoint you. Perhaps in time…

MAUVAIS
Yes, of course—time; we have great quantities of that around here.

From an atomizer he squirts eau de cologne into his hands and washes hands sensuously with it, during the following:

MAUVAIS (CONT'D)
… And in the fullness of time, aided by the celebrated way our local sun transforms a fresh, youthful face like yours into a parchment covered death-head…

Now he lovingly pats his hands dry with a snowy white handkerchief which, when he is through, he will toss into a wastebasket.

MAUVAIS (CONT'D)
… yes, you’ll mature properly before very long, Monsieur.
(a small, sardonic bow)
But forgive my lapse of manners—
(a gesture at Le Cochon)
This is Cochon, my social director. And I—I am Gustave Mauvais, Commandant of our little retreat.

WEST
(bowing elaborately in turn)
I’ve heard both of you mentioned before.

MAUVAIS
(to Le Cochon, standing stolidly nearby)
You hear? We are not entirely lost in the mists of anonymity —
(back to West)
You are most welcome, Monsieur Couteau; our usual clients arrive at our recreational center for various reasons; murder most foul, for instance, in any of the thousand and one way that spicy dish can be served up…

Mauvais goes into an elaborate routine of fitting a cigarette into an amber holder as he speaks. During the following, he will light and puff at it, and the inordinate care with which he disposes of the cigarette ash that accumulates will point up again his all-consuming aversion to dirt of any kind.

MAUVAIS (CONT'D)
Then there’s arson—embezzlement, if it’s on a grand enough scale—occasionally even a soupcon of treason to enliven the dreary, workaday round—
(his eyes glitter during the following)
—but your offense, Monsieur—ah, yours was indeed a monstrous fall from grace!

WEST
(obviously stalling—doesn’t really know)
Oh, it wasn’t as bad as all that.

Rev. 7/28/66

MAUVAIS
You don't think so, eh?

He takes a pair of spotlessly white gloves and slips them on before picking up a sheet of paper and reading aloud from it.

MAUVAIS (CONT'D)
“France’s Crown of Thorns—Devil’s Island! Beginning a sensational expose by the celebrated journalist Henri Couteau…”
(lifts his glittering smile to West)
You went so far as to argue that the colony be abolished, and to propose a national trial for that arch-villain, Gustave Mauvais…

WEST
(shrugging)
It seemed like a good idea at the time.

MAUVAIS
… instead of which you found yourself on trial for impugning the honor of our nation; the verdict was never in doubt.

WEST
All I could do was to plead youthful high spirits.
(moving toward Mauvais)
May I see the rest of the article, Comm…

The effect on Mauvais is electric; he recoils in horror before West’s outstretched hand and the next moment West is sent reeling by a roundhouse blow from Le Cochon…

Rev. 8/2/66

11. ANOTHER ANGLE

West slowly rises to his feet, shaking his head to clear it. Le Cochon, deadpan as ever, is standing over him, his massive hands knotted into fists…

… and Mauvais has risen from his desk and is agitatedly rubbing his hands with another snowy handkerchief, which he discards with the most evident distaste into a wastebasket.

MAUVAIS
I hope the moral of this little episode has not been lost on you, Monsieur—never reach out your filthy hand to me; understand?

WEST
I’m beginning to. As for your charming friend, Cochon…

West’s swing is a blurred arc as he whirls and plants a smashing right to Le Cochon’s jaw…

… and reacts amazedly to see that Le Cochon hardly blinks at the jarring impact; an incredulous beat then West follows it up with an equally smashing left that thuds into Le Cochon’s middle—with equally unsensational results.

MAUVAIS’ VOICE
Cochon—no!

West turns to find Mauvais lifting a peremptory finger at Cochon, who is gathering himself for a lunge at West; at Mauvais’ command, Le Cochon relaxes…

… and now for the first time we see that a door in the back of Mauvais’ office has opened—and framed in the doorway is Camille, whose eyes stray almost immediately in an intent stare at West. Mauvais looks sardonically from her to West as she says:

CAMILLE
Am I interrupting, Gustave?

MAUVAIS
Of course not, my dear. Come in and have a better look at the young man.

CAMILLE
(tearing her eyes away with effort)
What? What young man? I just stopped by to ask for your opinion.

She beckons through the doorway and Mrs. Grimes enters, clutching several gowns.

CAMILLE (CONT'D)
My gown for the reception—gold lamé or the sequins?

MAUVAIS
(a cursory glance at the bolts)
They’re both very charming, my dear; whichever you…

He stops, aware that Camille’s lovely eyes have strayed to West again and are measuring him intently.

MAUVAIS (CONT'D)
Fine featured, hard muscled, with engaging tousled hair just made to run your hands through, eh?

CAMILLE
(sullenly)
I don't know what you’re talking about.

MAUVAIS
But forgive me, my dear Camille, may I present our latest guest, Monsieur Couteau?
(to West)
My devoted wife.

West bows; Camille ignores him, flounces to the door, where she pauses, turning indignant eyes to Mauvais.

CAMILLE
I certainly didn’t mean to interrupt!

And she exits, followed by Mrs. Grimes. Mauvais stares at the door for a long beat, then turns back to West with a mirthless smile.

MAUVAIS
For you, Monsieur, my wife’s entrance was a most fortunate reprieve; I will now demonstrate how close you were to a most violent death.
(to Le Cochon—a sharp command as he points)
The bench!

Rev. 7/25/66

Le Cochon whirls, his massive right leg whistled through the air—and the massive bench his foot meets literally disintegrates into flying splinters and fragments. Then he turns stolidly back to Mauvais.

MAUVAIS (CONT'D)
Impressive, is it not, Monsieur? You see, when Cochon was a young man, he was indiscreet enough to lose his right leg in a train accident.

WEST
Don’t tell me; and when it comes time for him to be fitted with an artificial limb, he chose—
(Sonny Tufts)
—one made of iron?

MAUVAIS
Precisely.
(seating himself again)
A final word, Monsieur. You saw what happened to the bench; the time will come when I will say, “Monsieur Couteau!” and Cochon’s foot of doom will come whistling your way—
(a beat)
But that time is not yet; first we must see that you enjoy our island facilities to the fullest; the fresh air, the pleasant sun, the joyful little tasks that are waiting to be performed.
(a sardonic bow)
Till then, Monsieur.

He swivels around in his chair, the wall slides silently and smoothly shut and West and Le Cochon are once more alone in the grimy office littered with fragments and splinters of a bench that once was. Le Cochon reaches over and plucks at West’s tunic:

LE COCHON
Take it off.

WEST
(wryly)
Here we go again.

He unbuttons tunic, removes it and hands it to Le Cochon, who hands him back his old, frowsy, wrinkled tunic.

12. ON WEST

as he slips into tunic with a distasteful expression…

DISSOLVE TO:

13. EXT. ROAD UNDER CONSTRUCTION – BLAZING DAY

OVER the SOUNDS of CRUNCHING GRAVEL and the protesting SQUEALS of an ungreased axle, a massive stone roller approaches the CAMERA until it swallows up the entire frame, then CAMERA PANS to show the roller continuing past, on its way, and now we see that it is a road leveling device (see Fig. 37) that is being pushed along by four straining, freely perspiring prisoners… and now we also see West and a half dozen other prisoners bending their backs to the grueling task of carrying great blocks of stone from the side of the road and setting them into position on the road bed.

14. CLOSER ANGLE – FEATURING WEST

West looks even more work-stained and unkempt than before as we see him set a massive stone down onto the road, then speak very quietly to the PRISONER working on his left.

WEST
I’m looking for a man named Reed. Do you –

The PRISONER, an emaciated, leathery man simply gives a brief shake of his head and a warning glance, then moves on.

15. ANOTHER ANGLE ON WEST

as he moves back to the side of the road, picks up another rock and sidles up to another PRISONER who is shoveling gravel into a basket.

WEST
(softly)
Do you know a prisoner named –

The PRISONER, a big ugly fellow with uncut hair, brings his fingers to his lips in a quick gesture for silence, then clenches a fist in warning at West to keep his distance.

16. MEDIUM SHOT ON EMBANKMENT – GUARDS AND WATER BARREL

The guard on patrol raises a whistle to his lips and WHISTLES a sharp blast as another guard approaches, pushing a water barrel mounted on a cart.

Rev. 8/2/66

17. FULL SHOT

The prisoners move exhaustedly and line up in a single file beside the water cart, each fishing his own small, battered tin cup from his pocket. West falls in at the end of the line. One of the guards turns the barrel spigot on and each prisoner moves into place, filling his cup and walking off, gulping the precious fluid. The other guard keeps a tally of the number of men who have drunk. CAMERA ANGLES IN ON WEST and the man directly in front of him, a small, wiry little cockney called Lime. As the line moves slowly forward, West and Lime are shielded from the guards by the water cart. The big, ugly prisoner previously seen, having already filled his cup at the spigot, moves around the cart, grabs Lime by the neck and shoves him aside, taking his place at the spigot ahead of West…

… who sees that Lime is afraid of creating a disturbance to get his place back. West calmly takes the big ugly brute’s arm, twists it up behind him and flips him aside, landing him in the dirt. Then West beckons Lime back into place – and Lime steps in with a big smile.

18. ANOTHER ANGLE – BY SPIGOT

Lime gets his drink, then West does. The guard keeping tally raps on the barrel to signify the full count. The other guard raises his whistle and BLOWS two short blasts. The prisoners pocket their cups and return to their road building.

19. ANOTHER ANGLE ON WEST AND LIME

Lime and West return to the rock pile and both join in picking up a particularly large rock. As they totter with it to the road bed:

LIME
Thanks, myte… some of these ruddy blokes got a lot to learn about manners.

WEST
So I noticed.

LIME
If Oi c’n ever return the favor, just gimme the nod.

WEST
Maybe you can… Do you know a prisoner named Reed?

Lime thinks a moment as they continue to a hole in the road, into which they drop their rock. Then, as they pick up shovels and shovel gravel into the hole:

LIME
Don’t recall no such nyme. But formal ‘andles get lost in this ‘ole.
(beat; thoughtfully)
‘old everything—Yank, wasn’t it?

WEST
(eagerly)
That’s right.

20. FULL SHOT

Again, the CRUNCHING RATTLE and SQUEAL heralds this massive road leveler approaching on its way back; as they both step aside until it passes, then as they continue working:

LIME
I recall now.
(shakes head pityingly)
‘E got ‘auled off to the Pit.

WEST
What’s that?

LIME
‘Alf-way ‘ouse to ‘ell, that’s what.
(pause)
Yank dropped out of sight ‘bout two weeks ago. Anyone buried in the Pit that long—
(thumbs-down gesture)
—kindly omit flowers, as the sayin’ goes…

A massive hand shoves him sharply, sending him hurtling into the center of the road, where he stirs feebly, stunned.

21. OMIT

22. NEW ANGLE

… as West whirls to find Cochon nearby, arms akimbo, staring expressionlessly down at him.

MAUVAIS’ VOICE
Really, Monsieur Couteau, I’m afraid you’re rather an unsettling influence on our other guests.

West turns (and CAMERA ANGLES EVEN FURTHER) and we see Commandant Mauvais standing on the embankment, looking on serenely at the still stunned figure of Lime sprawled in the road…

… as he speaks the familiar CRUNCHING RATTLE and GREASE-STARVED SQUEAL is HEARD again, and the ponderously revolving stone drum comes into view, being blindly pushed by the four prisoners behind it.

Rev. 7/25/66

23. ANOTHER ANGLE

As West starts to go to Lime, and finds his progress blocked by Le Cochon who has moved his massive bulk into the way. During the following West speaks to Mauvais, but his eyes never leave Le Cochon’s.

WEST
Commandment, may I respectively request that Ironfoot here be ordered to step aside?

MAUVAIS
(placidly)
Request denied.

West whirls away from Le Cochon and raises a grim face to the immaculate figure of the commandant on the height of the embankment.

WEST
The men pushing the roller are traveling blind—you do realize that?

MAUVAIS
Quite…

During the following he watches avidly as the roller approaches the sprawled figure of Lime; he wipes the palm of his hands with a spotless handkerchief, after which he throws it away.

MAUVAIS (CONT'D)
And perhaps that is why, despite all our precautions, that accidents continue to happen.

A lightning jackknife lunge and West hurls himself into the embankment, with Le Cochon scrambling after him. West extends both his work-stained hands toward the fearfully recoiling Mauvais.

WEST
For openers, tell your little playmate to stay where he is.

MAUVAIS
(his face working as he backs away)
Enough, Cochon…

West notes with grim satisfaction that Le Cochon (halfway up the embankment) halts blindly, instantly, like a giant clockwork figure.

WEST
Item number two: Order the roller stopped!
(as Mauvais hesitates)
Fast, before I soil you for all time with my filthy hands!

MAUVAIS
(instantly—in a choked voice)
Cochon—stop it!

Le Cochon leaps from his position on the embankment, hurls himself toward the massive roller almost upon Lime, and cuts loose with a tremendous kick at the great stone mass…

… and the roller is hurled back, sending the figures behind it catapulting in all directions.

24. ANOTHER ANGLE – WEST AND MAUVAIS

West drops his hands to his sides as Le Cochon returns, heaves himself into view and descends balefully upon him. Mauvais has unearthed another of his snowy handkerchiefs and is running it over the palms of his hands as he speaks.

Rev. 8/2/66

MAUVAIS
(smiling again)
Well, Monsieur Couteau, you had us all dancing to your tune00nbow let us see about paying the piper.
(to Le Cochon—as if ordering dinner)
I think we’ll start with twenty lashes for our knightly young friend—then, a prolonged stay in the pit, eh?

FAST DISSOLVE TO:

25. EXT. PRISON QUADRANGLE – DAY

CLOSE on the pit. Topped by a heavy grill that is locked into place, the pit extends a foot and a half above ground (see Fig. 39) and ten feet below ground…

… and into this scene Mauvais strides, halts, pressing a flower to his nose as two guards come into view, supporting between them the semi-conscious figure of West. Now Le Cochon comes into view, unlocks the massive padlock, lifts up the hinged grating…

… and at a nod from Mauvais, West is lifted over the pit opening, partially lowered, then dropped.

26. INT. THE PIT – DAY

As West plummets to the ground and crumples in a heap. TWO OTHER RAGGED, UNSHAVEN FIGURES shrink back to avoid being struck—one, spare, with a blond beard, goes to West and gently lifts him into a sitting position as we HEAR the grill CLANGING BACK INTO POSITION and the GRATE OF THE KEY IN THE LOCK.

27. EXT. PIT – DAY

Mauvais bends over and speaks through the bars of the grill.

MAUVAIS
Have a pleasant stay, Monsieur Couteau—
(glancing up at sky)
—fair weather, or foul.

Rev. 7/28/66

The point of Mauvais comment on the weather is made clear when there is a sudden CLAP OF THUNDER and almost immediately a few drops of rain begin pattering through the grill into the pit…

… as West opens his eyes, stares dully at the blond man cradling his head, we see West’s face twitch into a painful smile.

WEST
Vincent Reed, I believe.

BLOND MAN
(a surprised beat)
Why, yes—who are you?

WEST
I’ve been looking for you; looking—and looking—and…

West slumps down as he lapses back into unconsciousness—just as the full fury of the storm hits. Torrents of rain come pelting down, almost obscuring Reed, huddling in a corner, covering West as best we can—as we

FADE OUT:

END OF ACT ONE

James: Thanks, Artie.
Artemus: "Thanks Artie"! Is that all you can say to me? I've just come back from the grave, risen like Lazarus, and that's what you say? "Thanks, Artie"?
James: Thanks, Artie.
Artemus: It's a pleasure.
- TNOT Pistoleros

California gal
SS senior field agent

USA
8378 Posts

Posted - 12/01/2009 :  15:49:22  Show Profile
ACT TWO

Rev. 7/25/66

FADE IN:

29. INT. PIT – DAY

OPEN on a foggy, shifting kaleidoscope of form and color—that slowly RESOLVES into focus, and we see that it is:

30. CLOSE SHOT – VINCENT REED

staring intently down into the CAMERA.

31. ANOTHER ANGLE

showing West, sprawled on his stomach, blinking dazedly as he looks up at Reed, and we should get the idea that we have been watching West’s return to consciousness.

(NOTE: The rain has stopped—the pit is now bathed in blazing sunshine, and now we have the leisure to see that the walls are composed of rough stone—the floor is dirt, with a dip in it off to one side forming a mudhole.)

REED
(a relieved grin)
How do you feel?

WEST
As if I had been given a thorough working over with a bullwhip—
(tries to get up—stops, wincing)
—which, now that I think of it, is exactly what happened.

REED
Easy does it—let Dr. Reed apply more medication.

During the following Reed scoops muck from the mudhole, lifts West’s runic and tenderly applies it (we will not see this, of course) to his back.

WEST
(winding at the touch)
Mud?

REED
(nodding)
Nature’s poultice.
(examines West’s back admiringly)
Oh, you’ve got some jim-dandy welts; old Cochon himself must have taken a hand, from the looks of it.

Rev. 8/2/66

WEST
(wryly)
Why settle for anything but the best, I always say.

REED
My sentiments, exactly.

During the following Reed turns toward the CAMERA, with his back turned to West.

REED
(a beat –too casually)
By the way, ah—you know my name; what did you say yours was?

WEST
Couteau. Henri Couteau.

Reed’s face falls. Then he stiffens, eyes widening with what we will come to realize is a tremendous surge of hope as he HEARS West casually breaking into a snatch of the following doggerel:

WEST
(singing)
“Old Master Gyp, he liked his nip, of Rum or Cowslip brandy. He’d…
(stops as if trying to remember)
Now how does the rest of that go?

REED
“… he’d polish off a cup, and then he’d sup, on beets and licorice candy!”
(beat)
That’s right, isn’t it?

WEST
Couldn’t be righter.

Reed whirls around, clutches fervently at West.

REED
(his voice cracking)
You’re James West! Good Lord—I—I can’t tell you—there was no hope for me, I made myself accept it…!

WEST
We know you kept up your cover all through the rigged trial, Vincent. You didn’t think the department would let you down, did you?

REED
That’s what I kept telling myself, but as the weeks went by and my date with Matilda got closer and closer…

WEST
Matilda?
(a beat—catching his breath)
The guillotine? You!?

REED
(wryly)
I’m the lucky fellow. The big day is…

He moves to the wall where we see a series of lines scratched into the surface of the rock—the time-honored way for prisoners to keep track of the days. Reed points a finger at his calendar.

REED (CONT'D)
… eighteen hours from now.

WEST
Look, Reed, eighteen hours from now…

He breaks off as a LOUD ROAR BLASTS out, a shocking sound made by a semi-human voice. West reacts sharply looking off toward it, but Reed is hardly aware of it.

WEST
What – is that?

REED
At the moment he thinks he’s a lion. The poor devil’s called Le Fou, French for madman.

32. ANGLE INTO FAR CORNER – LE FOU

Crouched in the far corner away from West and Reed is a small, extremely dirty and ragged MAN. His eyes glare and his mouth hangs open, teeth bared. Again he ROARS, making a clawing motion with one gnarled hand.

33. WEST AND REED

The apparition breaks out into another ROAR as West turns to Reed.

WEST
How long has he been here?

REED
Too long as you can see. Long enough to become a legend among the prisoners.

Again the momentary silence is shattered by a series of unearthly WHOOPING SCREAMS, an amazingly good imitation of the howler monkey.

34. NEW ANGLE – PAST WEST AND REED TO LE FOU

Le Fou is SHRIEKING, hopping around in his corner and scratching his armpits.

REED
Now he’s a howler monkey. That’s one of his favorites.

WEST
Poor devil…

Gradually Le Fou calms down and settles back to gazing at the others with a monkey-like alertness.

REED
In his own way poor Le Fou has managed to escape from his environment.

WEST
And that’s exactly what you and I will be doing, very shortly.

REED
(choking with excitement)
You mean that? But how? It would take – some kind of miracle!

WEST
I agree. But nowadays miracles come in the oddest shapes and sizes.
(beings to sing softly)
“Old Master Gyp, he liked his sip, of Rum or cowslip brandy…”

35. CLOSE SHOT – ARTEMUS

ARTEMUS
(singing)
“… he’d polish off a cup, and then he’d sup, on beets and licorice ca-a-a-n-dy!”

During the above, CAMERA PULLS BACK to show that we are in…

36. INT. MAUVAIS’ OUTER OFFICE – DAY

… and that Artemus, carrying a cane and attired in a rather nondescript French uniform*, is lounging in a chair, arms and legs outstretched, very much at ease. The door opens and Le Cochon ENTERS—his grimly deadpan expression is unchanged as he goes to Artemus…

********
(NOTE: Artemus will never be seen without this cane that he twirls and flourishes in all the subsequent scenes.)
********

… and with a flick of the wrist pulls the chair right out from under him, causing Artemus to slam to the floor.

LE COCHON
On your feet—
(as Artemus gets to his feet)
—and stand at attention!

He hauls Artemus around with a brutal directness, so that he is facing the empty, blank wall…

… which, silently and smoothly as ever, slides back to reveal Mauvais seated at his desk, swiveling around, his eyes on a sheet of paper he holds. (NOTE: not only does Mauvais wear gloves, but even with them he touches the paper with obvious aversion.)

MAUVAIS
(reading aloud from paper)
… and so the bearer of this letter, Pierre Gaspard, is hereby assigned to guard duty at the prison on Devil’s Island for a term at the discretion of the Commandant.
(looks up)
Pierre Gaspard…

37. CLOSE – ON ARTEMUS

as he cheerfully flips his hand up in what is almost an insolent salute.

38. CLOSE ON MAUVAIS

as his lips tighten in obvious displeasure.

MAUVAIS
The salute is about what I would expect from one with your service record.

39. BACK TO SCENE

ARTEMUS
(wide-eyed—hurt)
Something wrong with my record, Commandant?

By way of answer, Mauvais extracts a second sheet of paper and reads aloud from it:

MAUVAIS
… fighting in barracks… theft from company funds… drunk on duty… malingering… insolence to superiors…
(brief reaction)
… discharged from the Foreign for the good of the service!

Mauvais looks up at Artemus.

MAUVAIS (CONT'D)
Quite an accomplishment, to be thrown out of the Foreign Legion.

ARTEMUS
(shrugging modestly)
Just a knack, I suppose.

Mauvais glances back at the service record, leafing through it.

MAUVAIS
All in all, Gaspard… this is one of the worst service records I have ever seen… It is a testimonial to your treachery, cruelty, cowardice and dishonesty.
(pause)
I think you will do well here.

ARTEMUS
Thank you, Commandant. I think I’ll like it very much here.

MAUVAIS
Splendid. Of course we can’t pretend to rival the advantages of metropolitan establishments…

ARTEMUS
No, no, Commandant, your place is absolutely charming.

MAUVAIS
Thank you, Gaspard. And we do have our little diversions from time to time. I suppose you noticed Matilda in the square?

ARTEMUS
(winking)
Caught my eye immediately, Commandant.
(stretches—yawning)
When do I start?

MAUVAIS
Ah, there’s the rub. You see, one small nagging question remains as to your fitness for guard duty—but that can be easily settled. My problem is that I suffer from an embarrassment of riches; there are two other applicants for the job—both, like yourself, with the kind of sterling characters and impressive records that our organization requires—
(a regretful sigh)
—but alas, there is only one job to be filled.

He gets to his feet, stripping off his spotless gloves (which he tosses away in a wastebasket) and replaces them with a brand new pair.

MAUVAIS (CONT'D)
However, we have an amusing way of settling these little contretemps.

He gestures again at Le Cochon, who goes to a door on the side of the outer office—very heavily made, with a massive lock, which he unbolts and swings open.

MAUVAIS (CONT'D)
The solution? This intimate “chamber of togetherness.” The other two gentlemen are already inside—waiting; you, too, will enter—the door will be bolted shut—and after an appropriate period of—medication--one of you will emerge.
(a beat)
That one gets the job. Is it agreed?

ARTEMUS
Nothing could be fairer than that.

MAUVAIS
Splendid.

He nods at Cochon, who beckons to Artemus to enter the room. Jauntily, smiling, swinging his cane as he goes, Artemus exits into the room.

40. INT. THE CHAMBER OF TOGETHERNESS – DAY

… and finds himself facing two of the most unwholesome-looking characters imaginable, both seated on a bench on one side of the windowless, otherwise bare room. One, a HUGE SENEGALESE wears the baggy trousers, greasy vest and fez that is almost the required costume that the well-dressed Senegalese will wear…

… and the other is an ORIENTAL, complete to the black kimono; short, broad and radiating a very special kind of deadliness; the perpetual smile he wears does very little to change the opinion noted above.

41. INT. CHAMBER OF TOGETHERNESS – DAY

OVER THE SOUNDS of the BOLTS BEING SHOT HOME from the other side of the door, Artemus nods cheerily at the other two, casually extracts a cigar from his pocket, transfers it to his mouth and looks around at the small room…

… then looks up to see that the Senegalese and the Oriental are both exchanging speculative glances with each other.

SENEGALESE
(indicating Artemus)
First – we get that one out of the way; agreed?

ORIENTAL
(bobbing his head)
Agleed.

ARTEMUS
Now hold on, gentlemen, why don’t we all sit down calmly and…

From out of the folks of his kimono, the Oriental’s hand emerges in a shiny streak…

42. CLOSE SHOT – ARTEMUS

Ducking, just before a dagger thuds into the wall where his head was a moment before. As he straightens up again…

ARTEMUS
… discuss our problem like reasonable people with a…

A massive Senegalese fist glances off his shoulder, sending Artemus caroming to the floor with a crash, his cane careening away…

43. CLOSE – ON ARTEMUS, SPRAWLED ON THE FLOOR

His unlighted cigar still in the corner of his mouth, he is still trying to reach an accommodation with the other two.

ARTEMUS
… respect each other’s rights as individuals who are…

He rolls frantically out of the way just before the bench crashes to the ground on the spot he was occupying before.

44. ANOTHER ANGLE

as Artemus gets to his feet and finds himself being backed into a corner by the implacable pair closing in from either side.

ARTEMUS
… prepared to arbitrate their differences…

The Senegalese and the Oriental lunge toward Artemus with a venomous finality—and then several things happen with disconcerting swiftness.

A … Artemus suddenly hurls the cigar to the floor—where it bursts into jagged streaks of white smoke…

B … and hard on the heels of this he reaches into his coat pocket, comes up with a miniature oxygen mask that he jams into place over his mouth and nose…

C … while the luckless Senegalese and Oriental totter back several steps, clutching at their throats, then both collapse to the floor in senseless heaps.

45. ANOTHER ANGLE

Very leisurely now, Artemus picks up one of the benches and proceeds to bang it against the walls and the floors, obviously simulating a terrific battle.

46. INT. MAUVAIS’ OUTER OFFICE

Where he HEARS Artemus’ noises filtering through the massive, locked door. THUMPS, BANGS, then aloud MOAN, and another CRASH that shakes the walls. Le Cochon listens, then turns to Mauvais, still seated at his desk.

LE COCHON
This poor Gaspard…

He makes an eloquent “thumbs down” gesture. Mauvais smiles thinly as he nods.

MAUVAIS
Yes. Pity, in a way—but on the other hand, despite the fellow’s record, I never quite trusted him; some lingering shred of decency I seemed to detect.

There is a “shave-and-a-haircut” KNOCK on the “Togetherness Chamber” door—Le Cochon goes to it, undoes the bolts, swings the door open…

… and a smiling Artemus emerges, shooting his cuffs flourishing his cane, and running a hand through his hardly ruffled hair. Mauvais and Le Cochon react—Le Cochon moves quickly to the opened door of the “Togetherness Chamber,” looks in, then emerges with an eloquent WHISTLE of admiration…

… as Artemus swaggers to the chair and sprawls in it, arms and legs outstretched as first seen.

ARTEMUS
Now then, where were we, Commandant?

Le Cochon strides forward with the obvious intent on disciplining the arrogant Artemus, but Mauvais waves him off, then turns a glittering smile of approval on Artemus:

MAUVAIS
Welcome home, Gaspard.

DISSOLVE TO:

47. INT. THE PIT – NIGHT

The pit is masked in darkness, except for a patch along the side where moonlight filters in through the grill above. CAMERA TRAVELS about the little area, and we see West lying on the ground, hands behind his neck, a vagrant gleam of moonlight touching his face as he gazes up—the CAMERA MOVES ON to take in…

… the balled-up heap of tatters that we realize must be Le Fou, asleep, then on to Reed, apparently fast asleep, too. But now we see Reed stir and raise his head.

REED
(a hoarse whisper)
West—are you awake?

WEST
(shifting painfully)
Who can sleep?

Reed crawls closer to West, and we can see the eager expression on his face as he speaks.

(NOTE: during the following, Reed becomes progressively more distraught—somber evidence how thin his control has worn as a result of his long ordeal.)

REED
All I do is think about—about my date with Matilda—tomorrow!

WEST
(guardedly—a glance at the sleeping Le Fou)
I know; don’t worry about it.

REED
Don’t worry?
(harshly)
what do I do, wait for a miracle? For a gaily-colored balloon to come drifting down, or…

WEST
Whoa—hold it, Reed.
(as Reed falls silent)
Look, this little clambake has been very carefully plotted in a series of stages—
(a beat)
—and stage three is coming up; a member of—our singing society—is in the camp right now. He…

REED
He is? Who?

WEST
Never mind—let’s just call him “X” for the time being. Tomorrow, “X” will go on a little sightseeing tour of the native quarter—take out his watch---which will be the signal for our contact to come out and identify himself…

REED
And then?

WEST
Our contact will arrange for a boat to be waiting at a specific point—for our getaway.

Reed rolls over on his back with a long sigh.

WEST (CONT'D)
I know it’s been rough, Reed, but just have a little patience…

REED
(his voice rising)
Patience! What do you think I’ve been living on all these weeks and months and…!

He stops, wincing at the pressure of the grip that West has suddenly fasted on his arm as he makes shushing motions:

WEST
Listen!

And now we HEAR it, too; the RAUCOUS SOUND OF SINGING—

Rev. 7/25/66

48. EXT. PRISON QUADRANGLE – NIGHT

Artemus and Le Cochon are emerging from the Officer’s Club, and from their uncertain walk and thick speech, most of their time was spent at the bar. Artemus weaves ahead of Le Cochon as they cut across the quadrangle.

ARTEMUS
(singing)
“…he’d polish off a cup, and then he’d sup…”

49. INT. THE PIT – NIGHT

West and Reed are looking at each other with shining eyes.

WEST
(softly)
Coming up—one small, highly serviceable miracle!

50. BACK TO QUADRANGLE

Artemus’ path is taking him closer and closer to the pit, during the following:

ARTEMUS
(singing)
“… on beets and licorice ca-a-a-ndy!”

Now the pit is close at hand; Artemus weaves up to it and leans over the grating.

ARTEMUS (CONT'D)
You, down there—on your feet and snap into a salute!

Le Cochon comes up, for the first time a foolish little smile displacing his usual deadpan expression as he looks on.

ARTEMUS (CONT'D)
(yelling into pit)
I have seen filthy pits in my time, but this pit, pound for pound, smell for smell, without a doubt…!

51. INT. THE PIT – NIGHT

ARTEMUS’ VOICE

… is the filthiest and least fragrant one there is going!

During the above, a small object falls from above and from the way West snatches it in mid-air, it is obvious that he has been expecting it.

52. EX. PRISON QUADRANGLE – NIGHT

ARTEMUS
(still yelling into the pit)
By tomorrow morning, I want to see it not merely spic, but span, and sparkling, and…

LE COCHON
(chuckling)
Idiot.

And with a playful flick of his massive forearm, he sends Artemus staggering away from the pit, and back into another AD-LIB CHORUS of “OLD MASTER GYP, HE LIKES A NIP…” as the two continue their unsteady path across the quadrangle.

53. INT. PIT – NIGHT

OVER the DIMINISHING SOUNDS OF ARTEMUS’ SINGING, West exposed his “catch,” as CAMERA MOVES IN to a:

54. CLOSE SHOT – OBJECT IN WEST’S HAND

It’s an egg.

55. BACK TO SCENE

As Reed’s brightly expectant look fades away to bewilderment.

WEST
What’s the matter, don’t you like hard-boiled eggs?

As he speaks he cracks the shell against the wall, peels the shell fragments away—then breaks the egg in two…

… and now we see that, embedded in the center, is gleaming key. Reed breaks out into another happily expectant expression as West extracts the key, hands one half of the egg to Reed (who wolfs it down) and munches thoughtfully on the other half as he looks upward at the grating…

… then West starts climbing the wall, clinging to the rough surface until he is some five feet above the floor—then uncoiling like a steel spring, West leaps high into the air…

56. ANOTHER ANGLE – SHOOTING UP AT GRATING

… and his fingers close, limpet-like, around one of the bars. West draws himself up, then carefully extends a hand through the grating…

57. EXT. AT PIT – NIGHT

We see West’s exploring hand blindly groping for the lock that holds the hinged portion of the grill in place (see Fig. 39) and finally his fingers make contact with it; West’s hand is quickly withdrawn, then quickly returns again, but this time with the key—which he inserts in the lock—turns—and the lock springs open, is removed from the hasp, the hinged grating is noiselessly swung up…

… West snakes his way through, starts to stand up, just as he is bathed in an intense light…

… and CAMERA MOVES BACK to disclose that three guards, rifles at the ready, are grimly moving in toward him, as we

FADE OUT:

END OF ACT TWO

James: Thanks, Artie.
Artemus: "Thanks Artie"! Is that all you can say to me? I've just come back from the grave, risen like Lazarus, and that's what you say? "Thanks, Artie"?
James: Thanks, Artie.
Artemus: It's a pleasure.
- TNOT Pistoleros
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California gal
SS senior field agent

USA
8378 Posts

Posted - 12/01/2009 :  15:51:59  Show Profile
Rev. 8/2/66

ACT THREE

FADE IN:

58. EXT. QUADRANGLE – NIGHT

West is being marched by his three armed guards towards the grim prison building looming up ahead. Past the Commandant’s Quarters with its richly luxuriant garden, past the whitewashed wall surrounding the other three sides of the building—and suddenly a narrow door in the wall swings open…

… and West, with a series of prods, is directed into the darkness of the opening, then the door is swiftly and noiselessly closed behind him.

59. INT. SECRET CORRIDOR – NIGHT

A feeble light is turned up and West finds himself in a narrow corridor, whose twists and turns are lost in the darkness that is barely held at bay by the lamp in the hand of Dulac, who coldly and purposefully waves West on ahead with the pistol he also holds. West nods agreeably and starts negotiating his way along the twisting passage.

60. OMIT

61. ANOTHER ANGLE – ON STAIRS

SHOOTING LOW on their feet, we see West’s and Dulac’s feet mounting a series of stairs…

62. ANOTHER ANGLE – CORRIDOR

West comes into view mounting stairs and emerging onto a small landing that terminates in a blank wall. Dulac presses a button, a narrow panel in the wall slides open, West moves into a lighted area and finds himself in:

63. INT. CAMILLE’S BEDROOM – NIGHT

West looks around. The narrow panel through which he entered is, from this side, a mirror. It slides shut again, leaving West in a frou-frou world of femininity, alone – EXCEPT for –

7/28/66

64. ANOTHER ANGLE – ON BED

Camille, sprawled out amid the mass of cushions on the immense, exotically fashioned bed. She looks tensely at him as West strolls toward her.

WEST
Interesting.

CAMILLE
What is?

WEST
The kind of punishment the authorities hand out around here. A prisoner tries to escape – gets caught –
(looks around)
— and winds up in Milady’s boudoir.

CAMILLE
You’ve got it all wrong, Monsieur Couteau; you’re not being punished for trying to escape –
(suddenly full of passion)
— I’ve been trying to escape for years!

WEST
Ah, I begin to see daylight.

He finds a small decanter at his elbow, lifts it enquiringly at Camille, who nods. During the following he pours liquor into two glasses, hands one to Camille, works on the other himself.

WEST (CONT'D)
Then the exciting episode of the guards foiling prisoner Couteau in his gallant attempt to escape was – staged, shall we say?

CAMILLE
Of course; your escape saved them the trouble of releasing you – and bringing you here.

West whistles admiringly.

WEST
Fantastic.

Camille gets to her feet and drifts closer to West – sips her drink, then:

CAMILLE
Not really – I’ve never found it to difficult to – win men’s loyalty.

WEST
(smiling down at her)
Somehow, I believe you.

CAMILLE
(moving closer)
Join forces with me – we’ll escape together.

WEST
(shakes head regretfully)
Nothing personal, Madame Mauvais…

CAMILLE
(touching his arm)
Please; call me Camille.

During the following, she slowly moves her hand up his arm; West smiles pleasantly at her, obviously in no danger of losing his head.

WEST
As I was saying, when it comes to breaking out of dungeons – Camille – I always prefer to work alone.

During the following, Camille’s hand traveling reaches West’s shoulder, continues on, until it finally reaches his hair – where it makes finger curls.

CAMILLE
You’re strong – probably brave, too – but you can’t escape alone; too many have tried and failed.
(low-voiced – passionately)
— but together we can! I can arrange for a boat – maps – money to buy provisions…

MAUVAIS’ VOICE
Everything, it would seem, but your husband’s blessing.

CAMERA ANGLES to show the sardonically smiling Commandant framed in the doorway leading into the room – then PULL BACK EVEN MORE to show the mirrored panel sliding back again…

… and Dulac and the other three guards emerging – all carrying guns -- pointing at West.

MAUVAIS
But please be assured, my dear, that your spirited appeal moves me greatly.

Camille sinks back onto the bed, staring up at Mauvais, her face devoid of any expression, as if she has been suddenly and completely drained.

WEST
(to Mauvais – still smiling)
Let me guess, Commandant;
(waving at guards)
Your property, I take it?

MAUVAIS
(sardonic bow)
It would be useless to deny it. You see, periodically I permit my loving wife the indulgence of imagining that she is about to escape – you are not the first young stalwart she has tried to enlist in her campaign, of course.

West turns and looks reproachfully at Camille, tsk-tsking.

MAUVAIS (CONT'D)
(ticking them off)
There was Hercule, with the gleaming smile and the broad shoulders –
(to Camille)
You got as far as the water’s edge with him, didn’t you?
(ticking off another)
Then there was the wily Hassan who tried to take you the long way around…

CAMILLE
(low voiced—urgent)
Gustave, let me go! Please! You’ve got a whole island full of people you can torture – you don’t need me!

WEST
Unfortunately he does, Camille; you’re the cowering audience he needs for his exquisite little refinements – you’re the final choked scream, the last gasp of revulsion that he cherishes so much –
(to Mauvais)
Isn’t that right, Commandant?

MAUVAIS
Brilliantly put, my dear Couteau.
(to Camille)
No, Camille, I can’t spare you; you are – and you will continue to remain, my devoted wife, helpmate and confidante.
(to West)
And for you – one of the exquisite little refinements you mentioned.

He takes from his pocket a small glass bottle, capped, tosses it to West who examines it…

Rev. 8/2/66

65. INSERT – BOTTLE IN WEST’S HAND

We see the restless inmates—several large ants, with the monstrously over-developed head and mandibles of the species.

66. BACK TO SCENE

WEST
Fire ants.

MAUVAIS
Precisely. So named because their bite calls to mind pincers, heated red-hot in a fire.

67. EXT. JUNGLE – NIGHT

Mauvais is now seen to be in a clearing in the jungle, but still continuing the conversation begun in Camille’s bedroom.

MAUVAIS
… or at least this is what I have been informed.

During the above, CAMERA PULLS BACK to show West on his back, spread-eagled on the ground—hands and legs tied to stakes.

WEST
I’ll let you know if the description is exaggerated.

MAUVAIS
Most kind of you.
(points to the path West is lying on)
You see, this is the regular route the little beasties take as the day wears on; should anything happen to be in their path…

WEST
An object like me, for instance?

MAUVAIS
Precisely—they would resent it—quite naturally…

As he speaks, CAMERA PULLS BACK EVEN FARTHER, and now see Cochon holding a lantern, standing near another figure spread-eagled to the ground—and from the skull, twisted at a crazy angle as it emerges from the otherwise clothed figure, we see it is a skeleton.

MAUVAIS
(pointing to skeleton)
… as they did in the case of Hercule, here, who Cochon forgot all about. However, he will do his best to remember to return an hour from now, won’t you?
(Le Cochon nods—Mauvais looks back at West)
And I can assure, Monsieur, for you it will be a most memorable sixty minutes.

He turns and picks his way fastidiously along the path, followed by Cochon. CAMERA MOVES IN to a CLOSE SHOT of West, his lips tight and the beans of perspiration starting to form on his forehead.

FLIP TO:

68. EXT. PRISON QUADRANGLE – NIGHT

HOLD on the massive gates set into the encircling prison walls; a figure stealthily makes his way to them, carefully swings one of the gates ajar…

… when he is suddenly bathed in a crossfire of light coming from two separate sources, and we see it is Artemus.

GUARD’S VOICE
Halt, or I fire!

68A. SHOT – SHOOTING UP AT GUARDS IN TOWER

One holding a bullseye lantern, the other a rifle pointed at Artemus.

68B. SHOT – SHOOTING UP AT OTHER GUARDS IN ANOTHER TOWER

Like the other shot, one guard holds the lanterns, the other the file. (NOTE: in the following, INTERCUT)

ARTEMUS
Save you ammunition, boys, it is only I, Gaspard.

GUARD
And where do you think you’re going?

ARTEMUS
(conspiratorial whisper)
I’m going to sneak outside, and hide near the gate, and when anyone goes in or out, I’ll jump up and yell
(yelling)
Boo!

All four guards exchange tolerantly amused grins as they put down their rifles. Artemus waves gaily at them, as he exits uninterruptedly through the gate…

FLIP TO:

69 THRU 69A. OMIT

69B. HIS POV

a BLIND BEGGARMAN, complete with dark glasses, cane and a tray of shabby trinkets nominally for sale, has turned the corner and is tapping his way toward Artemus—only, as he approaches the curb, he lifts his glasses furtively, stoops, picks up a coin he has spotted, then replaces his glasses and continues his tap-tapping approach toward Artemus…

69C. BACK TO ARTEMUS

reacting with guarded eagerness as he waits, dangling his watch by the chain as he does—and then it happens; out of nowhere a BOY flashes by, snatches the watch from Artemus and races away at top speed. With a startled “Hey…!” Artemus breaks into an instant pursuit.

69D. ANOTHER ANGLE

The boy rounds the corner and speeds toward (and by) the CAMERA—a beat, Artemus heaves into sight around the corner, then stops, nonplussed…

… as CAMERA ANGLES to show that we are in a cul-de-sac street, and that the boy is nowhere in sight; but—the door of one of the native shops that line the street is still swinging back and forth, as if someone had entered hurriedly a moment before. Artemus grimly heads for the shop…

69E. INT. NATIVE CURIO SHOP – NIGHT

… and enters to find a deserted shop crammed with the usual run of bazaar merchandise; baskets, copper trinkets, stuffed crocodiles, etc. Artemus looks around, more frustrated than ever, and then his eye falls on a Moroccan taboret under a pierced brass lamp…

… and on it, is his watch. Artemus comes into view, picks it up thankfully and has started to pocket it when:

MRS. GRIMES VOICE
Good evening, sir; is there anything I can show you?

Artemus turns to see Mrs. Grimes bobbing her head in a prim bow from the vantage point of a bead-curtained doorway in the back of the shop. As she advances toward Artemus:

ARTEMUS
Thank you, Ma’am, but I found what I was looking for.
(showing her watch)
My watch.

MRS. GRIMES
Your watch? Now really, sir…

ARTEMUS
Look, let’s settle this right away; it’s not only my watch, it’s a unique watch—the only watch in the world that plays “Little Brown Jug” in E flat! And if you doubt it…

He presses the stem and the watch responds with the TINKLING STRAINS of “LITTLE BROWN JUG”—during which Mrs. Grimes fingers a small ladies’ watch pinned to her blouse.

MRS. GRIMES
(softly)
Fancy that for a coincidence—my watch plays “Little Brown Jug,” too.

She presses the stem and from her watch we HEAR blending in harmony with the other, the STRAINS of “LITTLE BROWN JUG”—and Artemus’ face lights up in a mixture of relief and triumph.

ARTEMUS
I like your merchandise; what about the boat.

MRS. GRIMES
(produces a map, unfolds it)
All set, Mr. Gordon.
(pointing to map)
Waiting in this cove, stocked with provisions, maps, instruments, as per your department’s list of desiderata.

During the above, the same native boy seen earlier darts in from the front door and whispers to Mrs. Grimes who reacts grimly as she turns to Artemus.

MRS. GRIMES
It’s your Mr. West—I think you’d best attend to him very quickly indeed…

FLIP TO:

70 THRU 72. OMIT

73. EXT. JUNGLE CLEARING – DAY

Artemus s-lashes the last of the ropes binding West and helps him to the ground, his feet slapping and brushing away at several (unseen of course) fire-ants that have already arrived on the scene.

WEST
(wincing)
That was cutting it pretty fine, Artie; the fire ant advance guard were just starting to give me a going over…

ARTEMUS
I’m sure it’s a fascinating story, Mr. West, but there’s a small matter of getting Reed out of pokey before Cochon comes to; can you walk?

WEST
(takes a few painful steps)
Not very well – let’s try running.

And he breaks into a lope down the path of the jungle path, followed by Artemus…

FLIP TO:

74. EXT. PRISON QUADRANGLE – AT GATE – DAY

West enters through the half-opened gate and marches ahead of Artemus who follows behind him, as if he was guarding a prisoner.

ARTEMUS
(without moving his lips)
So far so good, Jim; try to get a little more of a prisoner’s shuffle into your walk – that’s better…

75. ANOTHER ANGLE – AT PIT

as West and Artemus come up beside the pit. (NOTE: nearby, a loaded provision cart is standing, unnoticed for the moment.)

ARTEMUS
(sternly)
Halt!
(sotto)
Keep an eye peeled for trouble.

He turns a key, the grating lock, swings up the hinged portion and tosses what we now see is one end of a rope ladder down the pit, clipping the other end onto the grill.

ARTEMUS (CONT'D)
(yelling down)
You down there, Reed – look alive! Climb out!

There is a brief moment of watching, the Reed’s head appears and he crawls out, blinking in the sunshine.

REED
What—what is it?

ARTEMUS
Commandant wants a few word with you, and when he gets through with you…

MAUVAIS’ VOICE
Exactly what is it I want to say to Mr. Reed?

All turn to see the immaculate figure of Mauvais stepping out from behind the shelter of the Guillotine—followed by Cochon.

West, Artemus and Reed react, then we see them slowly look around them, as West remarks conversationally:

WEST
Gentlemen, did you ever get the feeling that things were closing in on you?

… and now ANGLE WIDENS to show that a series of guards, all with rifles pointing at the three, are closing in from all sides – as we

FADE OUT

END ACT THREE

James: Thanks, Artie.
Artemus: "Thanks Artie"! Is that all you can say to me? I've just come back from the grave, risen like Lazarus, and that's what you say? "Thanks, Artie"?
James: Thanks, Artie.
Artemus: It's a pleasure.
- TNOT Pistoleros
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California gal
SS senior field agent

USA
8378 Posts

Posted - 12/01/2009 :  15:53:09  Show Profile



ACT FOUR

FADE IN:

76. EXT. PRISON QUADRANGLE – DAY

The guards ringing West, Artemus and Reed step aside as Mauvais comes forward and bathes West with his glittering smiles. (NOTE: Artemus is still very inconspicuously clutching the skein of fine ropes that unreeled all the way from the gates.)

MAUVAIS
Good morning, Mr. West.
(talking off)
Did I get that right?

A small, smooth-shaven little GUARD steps forward smartly. He is, as we shall come to see, a washed and barbered Le Fou.

LE FOU
Yes, sir. James West.
(pointing)
And that one is Artemus Gordon –
(points to Reed too)
As I told you, all three are members of the United States Secret Service.

MAUVAIS
Thank you, Le Fou.

WEST
Le Fou?
(to Reed)
Can that be our Le Fou? The one we came to cherish so, in our little pit?

MAUVAIS
It is, but rather than strain your credulity…

He turns and nods at Le Fou, who proudly throws his head back and once again the BELLOWING ROAR of a HOWLER MONKEY assaults our ears. West, Artemus, and Reed all join in nodded agreement.

WEST
That’s our Le Fou, all right.

ARTEMUS
Cleaned up very nicely, didn’t he?

MAUVAIS
Now that we’ve disposed of that question, Mr. West, the time has come to remind you of a promise I made. Perhaps you recall?

Over the expectant hush that has fallen on the group, Le Cochon advances a few steps toward West.

WEST
Something about Cochon’s foot of doom or some such melodramatic nonsense; wasn’t that it?

MAUVAIS
You have an excellent memory, Mr. West.

He walks to a raised platform in front of the administration building that we now for the first time; he mounts it by a series of steps and seats himself on the snowy-white canvas deck chair that is positioned there.

MAUVAIS (CONT'D)
(to West)
You also have a pair of fleet legs and, I suspect, an equally agile mind to go along with it; it will be interesting to see how long they can delay the inevitable.
(to Cochon)
At my command, Cochon—
(a beat, then:)
Now!

West has to throw himself to the ground to escape Cochon’s foot as it knifes past his ear…

… then West is on his feet, backing up warily before the hulking Cochon pressing forward.

77. ANOTHER ANGLE – AT A STACK OF WATER BARRELS

West backs into them, as he slides along, warily eyeing Cochon remorselessly advancing…

… and with a magnificent piece of timing, he simultaneously dodges and flips one into Cochon’s path, just as his foot lashes out…

… and the barrel disintegrates under the impact in a huge, watery explosion.

Cochon presses on after West.

MAUVAIS
(looking on with shining eyes)
Bravo, Mr. West. I’m beginning to think you may last a bit, after all.

WEST
(backing away – eyes on Cochon)
Thank you. I’ll try not to disappoint you.

And again West starts to hurl himself off to one side to dodge Cochon’s hurtling foot, only it develops that it’s a feint, and West has to shift his dodge with desperate urgency to escape the real thrust of Cochon’s iron foot whistling through the air at him. West continues his retreat, and as he backs away, we see his eye light on something unseen…

78. ANOTHER ANGLE – AT WALL

where we see a shovel leaning against it. West backs into view, his hand blindly feeling for it—then his hand closes around the handle and he whirls it into the air, like a saber…

78A. ANOTHER ANGLE

as Cochon lashes out, and his lunging foot is parried by West’s shovel, to the tune of CLANG-G-G: as metal clashes against metal. Another furious kick from Cochon, and again West parries the kick with his shovel, to the tune of another CLANG-G-G!!—but the third time West tries to parry Cochon’s foot the shovel is wrenched from his grasp by Cochon’s sudden kick, and it goes sailing through the air, beyond recovery…

… and now, disarmed, West sees the length of rope lying on the ground, and we see his eyes light up, as if he had been touched by an idea; he backs away in a fashion calculated to lure Cochon into range of the rope…

… and then what West is hoping for, happens; Cochon plants one of his feet on the rope, and West pounces – seizes the other end, and puts all his shoulder into the mightiest yank he can muster…

… and for one brief moment Cochon staggers uncertainly – just long enough for West to leap in and plant a hard kick in Cochon’s middle – and leap away as Cochon recovers and hurtles after West in a blind fury…

Rev. 7/28/66

79. ANOTHER ANGLE – AT VERANDAH

West backs into the area shaded by the verandah roof – we see his eyes flicker up at the heavy verandah roof – then on to the two massive pillars that hold up the roof – and again his eyes reflect the excitement of an idea that he is revolving. He plants himself in front of one of the pillars and waits as Cochon advances…

80. CLOSE SHOT – MAUVAIS

His eyes widening, as if he realizes what West is going for.

MAUVAIS
Cochon, of course you realize that Mr. West is cleverly trying to entice you into…

81. BACK TO SCENE

But even as Mauvais’ warning words ring out, Cochon, blind and deaf to everything but his dedication to pulp West, lashes out with his steam hammer-like thrust – West twists himself out of the line of fire…

… and Cochon’s foot crashes into the massive pillar, splintering it and snapping it into two; West’s desperate urgency carries him clear off the verandah just before the suddenly unsupported roof CRASHES down upon Cochon with a ROAR!

82. ANOTHER ANGLE

Even before West picks himself up from the dive that has carried him clear of the crashing roof, he is calling out:

Rev. 8/2/66

WEST
Fire when ready, Artemus!

82A. CLOSE – ON ARTEMUS

as he slams the crook end of his cane into the dirt, holding the cane firmly at an angle – and immediately, with a series of SHARP RETORTS punctuated with puffs of smoke, projectiles come blasting out of the cane, as we see that it is actually an extremely narrow-barreled mortar.

82B. SHOT – AT WALL

as a projectile from Artemus’ cane-mortar lands with a ROAR and a huge puff of obscuring smoke.

82C. ANOTHER ANGLE – NEAR A GROUP OF GUARDS

Another projective lands close to them, scattering them like ten-pins and more obscuring smoke blots out the view…

82D. ANOTHER ANGLE – AT GATES

… were another of Artemus’ projectiles lands, sending a geyser of smoke boiling up around the gates.

(Scenes 83 and 84 are either missing or omitted; no notation in script; action seems to continue without a gap.]

85. CLOSE – ON WEST

OVER the AD-LIB SHOUTS, COMMANDS and SCATTERED GUNFIRE he darts into the protective haze of smoke as he heads for the gates…

86. CLOSE – ARTEMUS AND REED

As Artemus abandons the now empty cane, grabs Reed and hustles him into the protective smoke-screen, obviously heading for a reunion with West at the gates…

87. CLOSE – ON GATE

as West, Artemus and Reed loom up out of the smoke in a perfect rendezvous maneuver.

ARTEMUS
All present and accounted for, Jim!

WEST
Nice going, Artie – let’s take a walk!

He reaches out to the massive gate and tugs at it – but without success; for one brief moment Artemus joins West in trying to draw the gate open, and then it becomes clear – the gates have been jammed by the explosion! And, as if to emphasize the unfortunate aspects of this, the smoke screen starts to lift – and a scattering SHOTS stitch and splinter a pattern just over their heads; bending low, West takes off, followed by Artemus and Reed…

88. ANOTHER ANGLE – AT WALL

West, Artemus and Reed stop at the angle where one of the building meets the wall, West and Artemus nod, start to lift Reed so that he can reach the top of the wall, when another fusillade of GUNFIRE singles them out; the three drop to the ground, then run…

89. ANOTHER ANGLE – AT WALL NEAR COMMANDANT’S QUARTERS

West, Artemus and Reed hit the ground, hemmed in by bursts of GUNFIRE on either side, then as they rise and look around indecisively, a door in the wall opens (the same door through which West was conducted earlier) and Camille appears:

CAMILLE
This way – quickly!

West, Artemus and Reed stand not upon the order – they pile in after Camille, slamming the door closed behind them…

Rev. 7/25/66

90. INT. CORRIDOR – LEADING TO CAMILLE’S BEDROOM

It’s the same corridor seen earlier, too; all three race along it, following Camille along its twists and turns…

91. ANOTHER ANGLE – CORRIDOR

As the three emerge around a turn and pile on after Camille…

92. ANOTHER ANGLE – ON STAIRS

SHOOTING LOW, on four sets of feet pounding up the stairs…

93. ANOTHER ANGLE – AT LANDING

Camille emerges on the landing from the stairs, followed by the others, and all dart through the opened secret panel, into:

94. INT. CAMILLE’S BEDROOM – DAY

West strides across the frilly, feminine interior, rips the drapes aside, flings open the bedroom window, and stares out…

95. HIS POV

The prison wall merges into one side of the Commandant’s Quarters – West’s view is a mass of jungle green looming up a short distance beyond the bedroom window.

WEST
Perfect! Reed, you first…

Reed leaps for the window, lowers himself till he’s hanging from it by his fingertips, then he drops…

WEST (CONT'D)
Artemus…

Artemus flips over the window ledge, repeating the same maneuver, then, as West moves toward the window…

CAMILLE
Wait a minute -- I’m going too!

West stares at her in her flimsy, low-cut gown…

WEST
Like that?

Rev. 8/2/66

Camille looks around excitedly, snatches up a feather boa which she wraps around her shoulders and waits for his approval:

CAMILLE
All right now?

WEST
(with amused irony)
Much, much better.

He lifts here onto the windowsill and lowers her out by her hands.

96. EXT. OUTSIDE CAMILLE’S BEDROOM – DAY

showing Camille suspended by West, leaning as far out of the window as he dares.

WEST
Lend a hand!

Artemus and Reed hurry into position and wait, poised for West to drop his burden into their arms – Camille falls, is caught and set down, then West flips out of the window.

97. ANOTHER ANGLE

… and all four race across the remaining open space before they disappear into the jungle. CAMERA MOVES IN and HOLDS on a strip of silken material that the undergrowth has ripped from Camille’s dress…

98. INT. THE JUNGLE – DAY

West, Artemus, Reed and Camille are seen beating their way through the underbrush, and already we see the toll their forced pace is beginning to take. They flounder past the CAMERA, and we see Camille is even more bedraggled than before.

99. ANOTHER ANGLE – JUNGLE

SHOOTING LOW on the feet of the four as they negotiate their slipping, floundering way through the trackless morass. Camille loses her footing and falls – the others help her to her feet and they continue on, with Camille’s dress rapidly becoming a collection of tatters…

Rev. 7/28/66

99A. LONG SHOT – OF A BOAT

Pulled up on the beach of a sheltered cove. PULL BACK to show Mauvais, immaculate as ever, peering at the boat through a mass of foliage—and as he does, we become aware that in his inevitably white-gloved hand, he holds a watch—that plays “Little Brown Jug,” as he stops and starts the lilting STRAINS…

… and now we also see Le Cochon standing nearby, looking considerably the worse for wear. Mauvais turns away from his inspection of the boat, glances at the watch, then at Cochon.

MAUVAIS
You never told me, Cochon—did you have much difficulty in persuading our Hindu friend to talk?

Cochon makes inarticulate SOUNDS, as he holds up a mighty fist and pantomiming, closes it around someone’s windpipe—and squeezing. Mauvais smiles as he watches.

MAUVAIS (CONT'D)
I wish I had been there.
(glancing back at boat)
However, Mr. West and his party will be here soon. Where there’s a boat, there’s sure to be…

He breaks off, lifting a warning finger—and now we HEAR the faraway SOUNDS of someone approaching through the jungle barrier.

100. BACK TO WEST AND PARTY

By now Camille is in a state of total exhaustion, but still clutching her feather boa, as she staggers on gamely, with the assistance of the other three, who are also beginning to look a trifle frayed around the edges – and then West parts a mass of foliage and points happily:

101. HIS POV

beyond the jungle thins out to a sandy beach that fronts the ocean lagoon and there, pulled up on the beach, we see the boat. As all four run to it and, with new-found strength, start to push the boat into the water, CAMERA ANGLES…

… to show Mauvais and Cochon staring through the underbrush from the concealed spot—and from the malignant smile that lights up Mauvais’ face, it is obvious that he is staring at West and his party, happily unaware that they are being observed. Cochon starts to move toward them, but he’s halted by Mauvais’ peremptory gesture.

MAUVAIS
(harshly, but low-voiced)
No, Cochon, I’m afraid this is my treat.

And from a white leather holster at his side he withdraws a gleaming pistol. He walks closer to the mass of foliage screening him from West and party…

… and suddenly a STARTLED CRY is wrenched from him, he sinks to his hips in what we now see is a quagmire that has been concealed by fallen leaves.

Rev. 7/25/66

102. CLOSE SHOT – MAUVAIS

His face transfigured by an almost hysterical disgust and aversion as he struggles in the mucky ooze, sinking perceptibly as we watch.

MAUVAIS
Cochon! Quick, you fool!

But Cochon’s eyes have never left West and his part on the beach beyond. His face working with hate, he starts walking toward them, almost like a sleepwalker:

MAUVAIS (CONT'D)
(voice rising to a scream)
Cochon, do you hear me? Help me…!

Cochon parts the undergrowth, unheeding and walks on toward West – and Mauvais, sinking up to his chest by now, FIRES THREE SHOTS at Cochon; Cochon stops briefly, then walks on….

103. ANOTHER ANGLE – FROM WEST’S VANTAGE POINT

With the boat almost launched, West and the others look up at the SOUND of the SHOTS – and a beat later, walking unsteadily, Cochon appears through the underbrush and moves toward them across the beach…

104. SHOT

Drops of blood appearing on the sand as Cochon walks toward them.

105. WEST AND HIS PARTY

West watches Cochon grimly as he and the others pile into the boat and pull away into the lagoon.

106. SHOT

Cochon following after them with a stolid relentlessness that apparently nothing can stop; he clumps into the water after the boat as it pulls away—deeper and deeper, with the water rising past his middle, now creeping up to his chest, starting to rise over his face.

107. BACK TO BOAT

West and the others incredulously watching Cochon’s plodding pursuit, then Camille points off with a horrified CRY—and CAMERA ANGLES to show a shark’s fin cutting the water past them—headed for Cochon!

108. CLOSE – ON THE GROUP IN THE BOAT

Camille buries her face in West’s chest—CAMERA HOLDS on the faces of the others as they stare off grimly, over the SOUNDS of THRASHING IN THE WATER, as if a large, hungry shark had zeroed in on dinner, then they all turn away.

109. SHOT – QUAGMIRE

Only a snowy handkerchief marks the spot where Mauvais once floundered in his mucky trap…

110. BACK TO WEST AND HIS PARTY

CLOSE ON THE BOAT. West scanning the horizon with binoculars smile suddenly and points off to the rest…

111. HIS POV (STOCK SHOT)

FRAMED BY THE BINOCULARS, we see a small vessel steaming toward them—and, very prominently, we see that it is flying the American flag.

112. BACK TO SCENE

As West hands the binoculars to the others, all taking excited turns peering at the delightful view, as we

FADE OUT

END OF ACT FOUR

Rev. 7/21/66

EPILOGUE

112. INT. WEST’S RAILROAD CAR – DAY

West is savoring the fine color of a glass of wine he is holding up to the light, when Artemus enters excitedly.

ARTEMUS
(pointing outside dramatically)
Jim, you’ll never guess who’s waiting outside at this very moment.

WEST
Give me a clue; animal, vegetable…

ARTEMUS
Think of silks, satins, laces, ribbons, blonde hair…

WEST
That could be anyone, Artemus.

ARTEMUS
… and a feather boa!

WEST
Not Camille?

Artemus nods triumphantly, then goes to the door, opens it and bows low, as Camille enters in a rush, goes to West and throws her arms around him. She’s the same old Camille—sexy, over-dressed, thoroughly delicious. As she finally breaks away from West:

CAMILLE
I want you and Artemus to be the first to congratulate me!

West looks at her, puzzled, then at the grinning Artemus.

ARTEMUS
Brace yourself, old boy. Camille has a brand-new fiancé!

WEST
(delighted)
That’s wonderful, Camille. When do we get to meet the lucky…

CAMILLE
(calling out)
Hubert!

CAMERA HOLDS on West and Artemus, their expressions happily expectant, and then we see their expressions change to wide-eyed incredulity…

113. BACK TO SCENE

… as we see a tall, lean gentleman being led up to them by Camille, and we see that, with the exception of his hair color and the fact that he wears glasses, he is a hauntingly identical copy of Gustave Mauvais!

CAMILLE
James, I want you and Artemus to meet the one I’ve always waited for, Hubert Cranley!

Hubert seizes West’s and Artemus’ hands and shakes them enthusiastically—overdoing it, as a matter of fact.

HUBERT
How do you do, gentlemen. I’m delighted, absolutely delighted to meet you!

WEST
(to Artemus)
Well, at least this one doesn’t mind shaking your hand, eh?

On the scene of Hubert still pumping enthusiastically away,

FADE OUT

THE END

James: Thanks, Artie.
Artemus: "Thanks Artie"! Is that all you can say to me? I've just come back from the grave, risen like Lazarus, and that's what you say? "Thanks, Artie"?
James: Thanks, Artie.
Artemus: It's a pleasure.
- TNOT Pistoleros
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